Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my ILs to just walk in?

80 replies

CoolaSchmoola · 29/08/2013 00:34

My DH is currently away with work, and I am at home with DD. I always keep my front door locked when I am in the house. Today my Dad was coming to take us out to lunch and just before he was due to arrive DD needed changing so I rang him and told him I would be upstairs, and had unlocked the door so he could let himself in when he arrived.

DD and I are in her bedroom and I hear noises from downstairs. So I shout "Hello?!" - no reply, just more noises, including one which sounded like the kettle.

At this point I get a bit nervy as on other occasions when I have told my Dad to let himself in he has always shouted "hello!" when he arrives. This may sound like I'm a bit of a worrier - in my defence my next door neighbour had a walk in burglary whilst she was in the house recently, so there is a reason why I get a touch nervous when I hear noises in my house.

So I shouted "Hello?!" again, followed by "Dad?!" and the reply was "No, it's us." - my MIL, and then I heard cups being taken off the dresser. I was really pissed off because I'd been starting to get quite worried and annoyed that apparently they were staying for a drink without actually asking if it was convenient.

I had no idea they were coming over so wasn't expecting anyone but my Dad - if they had phoned first I would have told them I was going out and not to come.

AIBU to not want them to just walk in and put the kettle on?

OP posts:
HotCrossPun · 29/08/2013 11:14

No curlew she was changing her DC so told her dad in advance to let himself in, and unlocked the door because she was expecting him.

The PILs are wandering in when the OP hasn't been expecting a visit.

redexpat · 29/08/2013 11:17

My SIL used to do this and then she walked in on us having sex. She has never done it again. She was more embarrassed than we were. Result.

mrspaddy · 29/08/2013 11:27

That's one way to solve the problem red expat.. Ha ha

curlew · 29/08/2013 11:29

This is another one of those things I don't understand. If the door's unlocked, knock and enter, calling out as you do so. Why wouldn't you?

I think that there is a whole set of things that only people on Mumsnet object to.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/08/2013 11:35

OP didn't say she heard anyone knock or call out just noises downstairs. When she called out there was no response. Don't have to be a MNer to find that disconcerting, surely.

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 29/08/2013 11:35

Curlew no, my Dad is not 'allowed' as a rule. It was actually the first time he has ever done it, and only because I knew he was coming and rather than having him ringing the doorbell at the front door whilst I had a semi naked baby on a changing mat upstairs at the very back of the house I phoned him and specifically invited him to let himself in yesterday rather than trying to shout 'hang on' to my Dad from a different floor at the opposite end of the house, and leaving him stood on the doorstep.

You are implying that I am a hypocrite, and I am not. Had it been my IL's due yesterday and the same situation had occurred in would have done the same, although I would still be pissed if they hadn't let me know they had come in.

But, unlike my Dad, I did not know they were coming and therefore had not invited them to come in.

The point isn't that it was my IL's, it's that people who happen to be my IL's, let themselves into my house without being invited to, or announcing their presence.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 29/08/2013 11:39

But did you say anything, OP? You have to let them know if you don't want them to do it.

My sister recently confessed that our parents' habit of just knocking then straightaway opening our respective front doors with their keys and coming in does her head in. Fair enough, but perhaps she should have told them that 14 years ago when they first started doing it.

Whereas I don't mind that habit especially, but the various boundary-overstepping things that I did mind about I have raised and sorted out.

curlew · 29/08/2013 11:41

I think I might make a list of forbidden things.

Touching other people's clean washing.
Buying somebody something you've noticed they haven't got one of.
Bringing food when you visit.
Not bringing food when you visit.
Offering somebody a lift.

I'll be back with more later...,..

pudcat · 29/08/2013 11:42

Do folk in here not read posts properly?

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 29/08/2013 11:42

And they didn't knock, ring the very loud bell or shout anything, they walked in the front door, through the house, to the kitchen at the back and started making a drink.

If they had knocked, walked in, shouted hello then I would have been Hmm but resolved to keep on locking the door thus preventing a recurrence - but they didn't do that

I had NO idea who was in the house, not long after a neighbour was burgled by someone walking in whilst she was in the house, so I don't think being worried at the noises is unreasonable.

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 29/08/2013 11:43

curlew, you're still missing the point.

For me the most worrying thing is that they didn't shout hello, or even respond when the OP shouted to them.

OP, you need to tell them they don't just walk in unannounced, and explain that it was frightening when they didn't respond so you could hear who it was.

Feminine · 29/08/2013 11:44

curlew Grin do...

pudcat · 29/08/2013 11:48

Totally agree with you Coola. They were very rude. My door is always locked but if I know I am going to busy in the shower or something when one of my sons is going to arrive I ring them and tell them to use their key. But they would never do that otherwise. The same as I would never use my key to get in their houses unless asked to do so. We always ring each other before visits usually to make sure it is not inconvenient.

Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 29/08/2013 11:48

I think you're just being obtuse Curlew.

FWIW none of the things on your list bother me at all, but people walking straight in my house unannounced, without making me aware of their presence apart from a few bumps and a kettle click and not responding when I shouted 'hello?!' TWICE is on my list.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/08/2013 11:49
Original poster
CoolaSchmoola · 29/08/2013 11:52

I did tell them they'd scared me but as my door as a rule is always locked the chance of a repeat is slim to none so I couldn't be arsed to get too far into it - plus I was on my way out.

OP posts:
Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 29/08/2013 11:54

curlew you've missed the point and continue to do so even after the OP has unnecessarily clarified for you.

OP YADNBU! I cannot understand for the life of me why people think it is ok to do this. Regardless of who you are, your relationship to the homeowner, and or f you let people do it to you, it is just plain rude to walk straight into someone's house without knocking. I don't think you even need to justify yourself to them OP, just ask them to stop.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 29/08/2013 11:56

Or not to do it again sorry.

LouiseAderyn · 29/08/2013 12:00

There are people who are perfectly happy to have family members just walk in and people who prefer all visitors to knock and wait - neither is 'right' or 'wrong'. It's just unfortunate that you are in one camp and the ILs are in the other.

People for whom walking into family member's houses is normal, wouldn't give a moment's thought to the idea that other people might not like it, and to be fair people cant spend all their time analysing every little thing they do in case it inadvertently gives offence to someone else. So unless you've told them in the past not to do this then ywbu to be pissed off. They are just different to you.

I think ywnbu, if they know you dislike this and do it anyway.

curlew · 29/08/2013 12:01

"

Hegsy · 29/08/2013 12:02

curlew are you reading the same posts I am?

OP YANBU this is one of the advantages of living in a shared access building. No one gets through the door without being buzzed in. Although we are moving to a house soon....I may actually have to start keeping it clean as we walk into parents SIL houses so obviously can't object to them doing the same to us. If anyone walked in now though they'd die at the state of the place Blush

curlew · 29/08/2013 12:02

OP- why were you scared? Didn't you just assume it was your dad?

Hegsy · 29/08/2013 12:03

curlew OP has already explained more than once why she was scared

1 - her dad would ordinarily make himself none
2 - her neighbour recently had a walk in burglary

Hegsy · 29/08/2013 12:04

*known not none stupid typing!

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 29/08/2013 12:04

curlew I assume you're doing this on purpose now?!