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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm being a bitch aren't I?

53 replies

Babybunny88 · 27/08/2013 20:24

AIBU to feel a bit jealous of DP? He has a heart condition and can't put any strain on it for obvious reasons so of course doesn't work. He looks after DD every day, gets to play with her and see her laugh and grow, cook for her take her to the park, while I go off to work 45 hours a week in a crappy paid job where I receive crappy respect from colleagues and feel so crappy about it that I can't sleep properly at night from stress.

Of course I am extremely lucky to be healthy and mean no disrespect to DP and others who can't work, but sometimes I feel angry that I can't be at home with my DD enjoying life because I am busy getting stripped of my self respect and worth as a human at my work so we don't end up homeless.

I'm a horrible bitch aren't I? :(

OP posts:
londone17 · 27/08/2013 20:25

No you're really not.

Dobbiesmum · 27/08/2013 20:27

Nope, just stressed beyond belief. It must be bloody hard Flowers

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 27/08/2013 20:27

YANBU but if you hate your job then do something about it.

ThingsThatGoHumpInTheNight · 27/08/2013 20:27

No, you're not. You need a new job.

lucidlady · 27/08/2013 20:27

Can you change jobs?

Portofino · 27/08/2013 20:29

If he can look after a small child, cook and go to the park, why can't he work?

Elsiequadrille · 27/08/2013 20:29

No, of course not.

SlobAtHome · 27/08/2013 20:30

OP of course not! We all want a break sometimes. Your job sounds awful. Is there anything you can do to change? Start studying maybe?

I'm gonna be very un-MN-y and give you a

ChimneyDeep · 27/08/2013 20:30

No, you're not. You're a person under great strain and probably very tired too. Are you claiming all you can for dp's condition? Would it be possible for you to go part time at all? Could your dp manage any sort of paid work at all? Freelance? Admin?

ilovecolinfirth · 27/08/2013 20:30

You are not being unreasonable. X

SlobAtHome · 27/08/2013 20:30

Port - probably because of the risk of stress and strain.

Portofino · 27/08/2013 20:32

And there is no stress and stain involved in looking after a small child vs say a sit down in an office or supermarket?

MsVestibule · 27/08/2013 20:33

Sounds shit, and no, you're not being a bitch. (Conversely, I'm a SAHM and have often envied DH going out to work every day.) It does sound from your OP as though your job is the main problem. What can you to either get a new job, or improve the situation there?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 27/08/2013 20:33

I know what Ports saying though....looking after a toddler is FULL of strain and stress!

Portofino · 27/08/2013 20:34

If I had a partner who was in such poor health they couldn't say, work a checkout, there is no way I would leave them in sole charge of a toddler.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 27/08/2013 20:35

Well that's it Port.....a part time job for the DH perhaps...and a part time one for the OP?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 27/08/2013 20:37

Agree that there is no reason why dh cannot find a suitable job if he can lead an active life chasing and looking after a toddler.consider going part time if dh can find a job too.

Original poster
Babybunny88 · 27/08/2013 20:39

Thanks for the support every one. I would love nothing more than to change jobs but I don't have any other qualifications other than the ones required for the job I am currently in. Employers seem to want qualifications these days and going back to college to retrain isn't an option :(.

It's a long story but DP was born with a heart defect and is registered disabled as a lot of other problems have stemmed from it.

In a way I am glad DD gets to stay at home with a parent and saves us money on child care. I suspect I wouldn't mind as much if work was the slightest bit bearable.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 27/08/2013 20:40

Portofino - it could well be if they don't have family near by to help out with childcare, then a low stress job like working at at checkout would probably not cover the childcare costs for a pre-schooler - it could quite easily be that he can't work in a job that pays enough to make a profit once childcare and commuting costs are taken into consideration.

OP - you need to start looking for a new job. It's hard now, but htat does'nt mean impossible.

SPBisResisting · 27/08/2013 20:41

I suspect a lot of men feel this way too
Hope you can get something better soon

Portofino · 27/08/2013 20:42

Disabled people work though. If he is able enough to look after a toddler, he is surely able enough to look for work? What qualifications do you have? We might be able to make suggestions?

DontmindifIdo · 27/08/2013 20:42

oh X post OP - could you do the same job for a different employer? It can be completely different with a different team around you.

Portofino · 27/08/2013 20:44

Employers want experience vs qualifications generally. Depending on the role, and how long you have been working.

Portofino · 27/08/2013 20:45

And there would be working tax credits ? If they both work the requisite a amount of hours?

dreamingoflavender · 27/08/2013 20:48

Without wanting to sound awful (and you're not a bitch, OP) but the DP DOES work. He looks after their DD.

I can't somehow see a man posting that his wife who has a serious medical condition but looks after their DD would get comments along the lines of "send 'er out to work!"

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