I'm being a bitch aren't I?

[Babybunny88]

AIBU to feel a bit jealous of DP? He has a heart condition and can't put any strain on it for obvious reasons so of course doesn't work. He looks after DD every day, gets to play with her and see her laugh and grow, cook for her take her to the park, while I go off to work 45 hours a week in a crappy paid job where I receive crappy respect from colleagues and feel so crappy about it that I can't sleep properly at night from stress.

Of course I am extremely lucky to be healthy and mean no disrespect to DP and others who can't work, but sometimes I feel angry that I can't be at home with my DD enjoying life because I am busy getting stripped of my self respect and worth as a human at my work so we don't end up homeless.

I'm a horrible bitch aren't I? :(

Being registered disabled is not a life ban from working. It sounds like dh might be well enough to find work he is capable of meaning you can also enjoy your life more by having more time with dd.

My DD works on the checkout in Tesco, believe me she gets stressed

It's not about sending him out to work it is about finding the most workable compromise for the whole family .

Funnily enough I work in a nursery. Can look after other people's children but not my own :( I have my child care qualifications. Would love to get out of child care altogether tbh.

When I first started the job (before DD was born) I loved it and it gave me a sense of accomplishment but over the years I got to see what the place is really like and how horrible management are to staff who, quite frankly, work their asses off and go out if their way to make the parents and kids happy.

No YANBU. Please try and find a new job as your mental health is at risk

Could you become a childminder instead? Work for yourself?

I think you are BU as to envy someone with ill health seems bizarre imo BUT you sound very stressed you poor thing.

Yes! Become a CM. Or a nanny for an employer where you can take your DD.

More chance for career development as a CM though. DS's old CM ran her CMing business very much like a mini-nursery. She had three other CMs who worked with her, they looked after several kids together. Her house had such a kind and lovely atmosphere, and she put so much effort into the details such as planning great activities for the kids - they went out and about every day. She planned their activities in keeping with the EFYS curriculum, and shared her planning with parents. She charged £10 per hour, per child.

She was striving for excellence. I'm not saying you should do this necessarily (I think it was extremely time consuming for her!) but that you can forge well-paid career in CMing if you want to. Or you could just CM in a more traditional way, but still get to spend time with your DD.

OP - can you look at other nurseries? Not all treat their staff badly. Also might be worth looking at nanny wages in your area. Childminding might be good for you, although would your DH be able to cope with a lot of children in your home?

Can I ask as well, have you only worked for the same place your whole career? Often you are more likely to believe it's this bad everywhere if you've not worked elsewhere. Time to move on. You can do it.

CM work may be the option?

I must say I'm surprised that your dp can't do any other job than look after dd? Toddlers are very tiring. Maybe if you did work at home he could help out?

Yes, I started working there when I was in my late teena and previous to that I worked as a checkout operator in a supermarket, then as a housekeeper in the same supermarket. Both awful, awful jobs just not for me. Then went to college to train for the child care job. Wish now I has done something completely different. How sad to think at 24 this is all you'll ever be :(

Blimey I'm 45 and just had a total career change so don't despair!

24! Oooh you've got your whole life ahead of you! Sounds like you need some career advice. Can you afford some career coaching? Or you could call the National Career Service? You'll get a much better perspective on things if you're happy in your work.

I'm in quite a similar position to you OP. My dp is also ill (awaiting a kidney op as well as a list of other things as long as my arm). I hate my job. Like really despise it but it's money we need and do can't work what with being ill/regular hospital and dr appointments. I feel like the biggest bitch in the world for resenting him but sometimes it's just overwhelming. I'd swap places with him if I could. Not because I think he has a great life but because I hate seeing

Sorry pressed post before I'd finished!

-him in pain. I think I'd be happier if I liked my job but it's just not the case at the moment. I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone and that I sympathise with how you feel entirely. It's not just one thing, it's a combination of everything out together and it is extremely stressful.

And also I've just notice that you're 24. I'm 23 going on 24 if that also helps.

I never even started my career at 24. Dh was 40 odd when he got his degree. You have your whole life in front of you.

Oh fair I am so sorry about your DP that is so dreadful :( -hugs to you-

You see my point exactly. Many a night I have had OP in tears about how useless he feels cause he can't contribute much financially and it breaks my heart :( if he could work he would. And of course I am not jealous of him for having an illness.

We spend a lot of time at work so we should feel happy at least a good amount of the time.

That's exactly it, I think we're unhappy at work then have to deal with the guilt of feel resentful as well as being stressed from everything all together. Have you looked for a new job? That's currently what I'm doing at the moment and I'm hoping it'll be a step in the right direction.

You sound like a strong person though and your dp is lucky to have you. Its also lovely to hear how good he is with your dd. Despite everything you sound like a lovely family and I hope things look up for you x

Become a childminder.

Sorted.

Problem solved, surely?

A few people have mentioned childminding, but would the OP's DH's heart condition preclude several toddlers running around his house for 10 hours+ per day?

Fair- thank you. Good luck to you and your partner.

Msvest- probably not, no.

P.S.I want to get out of the child minding business altogether. So being a CM obviously isn't the way to go :)
Thanks everyone for your replies I just needed a good moan.

24!! I'm 32 and am planning a few years stepping down from my career (to be with my young children) and then to retrain. You'll be working til you're 70 probably (not to depress you )You do indeed have your whole life ahead of you. Can you see if there's any financial support available to you to retrain?

Hold on a minute! You're 24! The world is your oyster, honestly.

At 23 I was bumming round Europe going to techno parties - you certainly don't need to have your career set in stone by 24! At 24 I was working in childcare as a part-time teaching assistant & also part-time nanny. I started as an office junior at 25 in a small but growing company, and within 6 years I was earning double what I had started on. But by 32 I was bored, I changed career again, I left to study, did an access course, then went to uni. I haven't finished studying, and am currently at home with a young baby, but were I working now I could walk into a good job, I have great skills now.