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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset over an old book?

76 replies

Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:07

When I was a child, I had very little. Vivid memories of my toys being sold to buy food, using birthday money off a relative to buy salad for a birthday tea (I'd had it at a friend's house) etc. I had hardly anything.

When my sister was born when I was 12, things were very different. New marriage, more money etc and so my 3 younger siblings had much more than me. When my sister was born, my Mum 'borrowed' one of my books - a beautiful copy of a classic story which was given to me by a relative when I was a child. This was one of the few things I had.

At the time, I said okay as I was a little old for it by that point anyway.

I now have my own DD, and I asked my Mum if I could have said book back. Sister is now 14. I was told that sister is now 'very attached' to book, and would be sad to give it up - my mum then emailed an ebay link to me so that I could buy my DD a copy.

I am very upset. My 3 siblings have more than I could have ever dreamt of for myself, and this book was the one memorable thing from my childhood. To be told that my precious sister couldn't bear to let it go, and that I should buy another copy on eBay has really upset me. My mum is very sensitive though and I don't think it would go down well to protest.

I just - as usual - feel very unimportant Sad

OP posts:
MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 27/08/2013 20:10

Tell her tough.

It's yours and it was borrowed.

You want it back. No discussion.

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:13

I'm not sure how much good it will do. I will be told 2 things -

  • That my sister is easily upset and 'not like everyone else' (she is the most privileged young girl and gives my Mum nothing but grief)
  • That I am causing my Mum stress and making her feel bad.

And then I will back down Sad

OP posts:
OnaPromise · 27/08/2013 20:14

It's your book. If you really want it back I think you should stick to your guns and say this and that you were/are attached to it too.

Nombrechanger · 27/08/2013 20:15

Tell her how much it means to you and that it is yours at the end of the day.

If she wants, SHE can buy the book off ebay and give it to your sister.

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:16

I did suggest she bought my sister the eBay version, and the response was -

'Oh but she would know the difference, as you put your name in the original when you were a child'

That would be because it was mine! I sound very childish, don't I?

Thank you all for being kind and understanding.

OP posts:
Dobbiesmum · 27/08/2013 20:17

Did the message that your sister is attached to the book come from her or your Mum? Does your sister even know that you've asked for it back?
I bet asking her for it directly will make things worse won't it...
YANBU to be upset, I have books I'm attached to for various reasons too x

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:17

Hmm, maybe I should write my name in the eBay version, and do a swap when I'm next visiting....

Yes, I'll shortly be looking to get myself a grip.

OP posts:
OnaPromise · 27/08/2013 20:18

Could you ask your sister directly? You never know you might get a different response?

Although I know the real issue is your mum here.

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:20

It came from my Mum Dobbie - oh yes, asking sister directly is hopeless. I was hoping that my Mum may tell sister 'tough, it's Mimstars'.

I should have known better!

OP posts:
ELR · 27/08/2013 20:20

The best thing to do is just ignore it, buy a book on ebay and tell your daughter it is just like the one you had when you were little. Make your own happy memories and ignore your mum and her mean ways! Easier sad than done I know but you have your own family now and dwelling on the past wont help.

Elsiequadrille · 27/08/2013 20:20

"Hmm, maybe I should write my name in the eBay version, and do a swap when I'm next visiting...."
Yes, good idea Smile

TeWiSavesTheDay · 27/08/2013 20:21

I'd be tempted to just swap it for another copy and see if sister ever notices...

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:21

Ona I'm 99% sure that my sister would feign distress at my even asking and 'making her feel guilty' and then my Mum would tell me how I'm putting her in a difficult position and 'why can't you just get along'.

Thank you for your response though. Maybe once sister is grown up, she may be different and allow me to have my book!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:22

You are very wise ELR Smile I am trying my best to do just that, thank you.

Seriously considering doing a swap...

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 27/08/2013 20:25

If I were you, next time I was visiting I'd have a discreet look for the book and just take it if I found it. And if it was ever mentioned, "oh yes, I saw my book lying around so I took it back, I did only loan it to you".

Deadhamsterssmell · 27/08/2013 20:27

I would like to think that I would do what ELR suggests but I'm afraid I wouldn't be that mature.

I would buy the ebay one, write my name in it and then swap.

FondantNancy · 27/08/2013 20:28

I would do what WhoNicked did and hope that she only wanted to keep it because YOU want it and will never notice it's gone.

SunshineMMum · 27/08/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pachacuti · 27/08/2013 20:34

Yes, buy it and swap it back. Or just take it back without swapping, but you're more likely to do it undetected if you have another copy to swap for it.

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:37

I might just do it...I don't believe she has any attachment to it, to be honest. The whole time I lived there, I never saw it being read. Not once.

OP posts:
ratbagcatbag · 27/08/2013 20:41

Do you know where it is? Just take it back when you next are there, agree with replacing with eBay version, see how long it takes to be noticed.

RenterNomad · 27/08/2013 20:44

Dog in the manger attitde settles it, then!
Hit back with your own guilt trip about your own DC!

squoosh · 27/08/2013 20:45

YANBU.

You poor thing, I can see why it means a lot to you. To be honest I'd just take it next time I was in the house and see how long it took them to notice it was gone. I wouldn't bother buying them the ebay replacement although do if that makes you feel better.

Sympathies though, your Mum and sis sound a bit dramatic and high maintenance.

DramaQueenofHighCs · 27/08/2013 20:48

Tell your mum and sis to grow up and go and get your book!
If they tell you you're being childish, remind them that as it is your book they are technically stealing it if they refuse to give it back! (Not that anything could be done about that even if you would want to, but it is still stealing as it was only loaned to begin with.)
Go get it from Dsis's room or wherever next time you visit and tell them you have it as you walk out of the door. If she really loves the book that much she can buy her own copy and come and read your copy to/with your DD when she comes to visit!! They're just using emotional blackmail on you to get their own way as they know it's worked in the past. My MIL used to do similar with DH all the time until I started putting my foot down and he [eventually] started to follow suit - the whining soon stopped when she realised it wasn't getting her anywhere.

Sod being mature, that's what I'd do!

vtechjazz · 27/08/2013 20:48

Take it back damn you! I'm angry on your behalf and now you must take this book back and give me satisfaction.