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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset over an old book?

76 replies

Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:07

When I was a child, I had very little. Vivid memories of my toys being sold to buy food, using birthday money off a relative to buy salad for a birthday tea (I'd had it at a friend's house) etc. I had hardly anything.

When my sister was born when I was 12, things were very different. New marriage, more money etc and so my 3 younger siblings had much more than me. When my sister was born, my Mum 'borrowed' one of my books - a beautiful copy of a classic story which was given to me by a relative when I was a child. This was one of the few things I had.

At the time, I said okay as I was a little old for it by that point anyway.

I now have my own DD, and I asked my Mum if I could have said book back. Sister is now 14. I was told that sister is now 'very attached' to book, and would be sad to give it up - my mum then emailed an ebay link to me so that I could buy my DD a copy.

I am very upset. My 3 siblings have more than I could have ever dreamt of for myself, and this book was the one memorable thing from my childhood. To be told that my precious sister couldn't bear to let it go, and that I should buy another copy on eBay has really upset me. My mum is very sensitive though and I don't think it would go down well to protest.

I just - as usual - feel very unimportant Sad

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 27/08/2013 20:50

I wouldn't worry about making your mum feel guilty - she's shown zero consideration for your feelings. Get the book back.

PeppermintPasty · 27/08/2013 20:50

Yanbu. Your mother is mean. This sort of thing makes me mad (projecting no doubt). Get it back, it's yours. Take it by force if necessary!!

facedontfit · 27/08/2013 20:51

Don't ask, take it, it's yours. Will probably be years before anyone notices.

MistressDeeCee · 27/08/2013 20:53

Ask your sister for the book. It could be that your mum hasnt even approached your sister - she's just made dramatic comments and insinuations for herself. Some people are just that way. Bypass your mum. - its your book, you need it back end of story.

Original poster
Mimstar · 27/08/2013 20:56

Thanks everybody - I have decided that I'm going to try and get it back when I go and visit. I am always too nervous about making anybody upset, but clearly I don't get the same in return. It will be made out that I'm causing trouble, but I'm not sure how much that matters.

OP posts:
SarahAndFuck · 27/08/2013 20:56

YANBU. I had a book from childhood that my mother tried her very best to take off me to give to my niece and I flat out refused to part with it.

She was very annoyed, to the point that she talked about it to others and eventually one man told her that if I had looked after something since childhood I had every right to keep it if I wanted to. It took someone else stepping in to make her listen because up the that point she thought I was being precious about having it damaged or marked and had decided I was being selfish and mean to a child.

Creep in and steal it if you want to OP. It's yours, I doubt your sister has looked at it in years or cares about it like you do. But she sounds like she might pretend to care if she thinks it's going to be taken away.

Your mum sounds a bit nuts and your sister very selfish.

Mia4 · 27/08/2013 20:56

YANBU OP,if you sister says she can't give it up then she's bloody selfish and your mum shouldn't be pandering to her and should be more understanding. I'd be tempted to show her this thread and shame her arse.

squoosh · 27/08/2013 20:57

You go get your book lady!

Viviennemary · 27/08/2013 20:57

Ask for your book back or else. I'd be tempted to take it if it meant that much to me. After all the book does belong to you and not your sister. She is fourteen not three. They can buy the book of ebay if they want.

pictish · 27/08/2013 20:57

Oh for fucks sake just go and get your book!
It's yours, and that is that.
Your mum and sister may mump and moan all they like. There's nothing they can actually do, because the book is YOURS.

Come on!

Floggingmolly · 27/08/2013 21:20

Your sister is 14???? Call round and take it back yourself, don't even ask.

SeaSickSal · 27/08/2013 21:27

Mimstar I think you need to go back to your Mum again and tell her what you have told us. That you feel you had very little as a child and this is the one thing that you had and that your sister has been very lucky in terms of material stuff and that you must have this back as it is yours.

Don't mince any words, tell her you sister has plenty of her own stuff and has to give yours back. If she tells you that you are upsetting her and your sister then you have to tell that on this occasion you are extremely upset yourself, and that this time they are the ones that will need to make allowances over someone being upset, not you.

ImperialBlether · 27/08/2013 21:43

Your mistake was mentioning it to your mum. You should have just taken it off the shelf and put it up your jumper next time you were at their house.

What was the book, though?

Fruitnut · 27/08/2013 21:47

Yeah just go get the book.

This thread sounds really familiar though. Can anyone else remember a thread about an old classic book, the aunt or sister posted saying she wasn't giving it back or something, turns out it was worth a few bob?

SpottyDottie · 27/08/2013 21:50

Definitely go and get the book!

LouiseAderyn · 27/08/2013 21:58

I think you should actually tell your mum, what you have told us in this thread. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, it is possible that she has blocked out memories of just how hard your childhood was, because it is easier for her not to remember it.

If you have a completely honest conversation and she still won't see things from your pov, then at least you know to not continue flogging a dead horse and just take your stuff back and sod what she says about it.

Otoh, though, she might actually be forced to confront the inequalities in your upbringing compared to your sister's and it might make her a bit more receptive to what you are saying.

McNewPants2013 · 27/08/2013 22:06

Just go and get your book.

Different circumstances to yours but when I was 8 I lost almost everything to a house fire, the only thing that survived was my teddy bear. Blacky bear is now with DD so I can understand the sentimental attachment.

After that I didn't really get attached to personal items.

Chl0e2 · 27/08/2013 22:09

I would just take it the next time you are there. It is yours. Don't discuss it with your mother or ask her permission. Just look for it and take it back.

MissStrawberry · 27/08/2013 22:14

Get your book back!

I had very little too and love to see DD read the 5 books I did have as a kid.

Joanne279 · 27/08/2013 22:16

Buy a replacement to give to the sister (to save meltdown) so you can have your copy back. May not be 'fair' for you to have to buy her s copy but I can't see how sister or mum could then refuse :) x

mynameismskane · 27/08/2013 22:22

Take the book. Your mum is being a really nasty cow (sorry, but she is). Take it back and fuck em

TVTonight · 27/08/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JADS · 27/08/2013 22:25

Go and get your book, just take it. Books are sacred.

RaspberrySnowCone · 27/08/2013 22:29

Take the book! It's yours and your mum is being childish and unfair.

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 27/08/2013 22:30

Sharing Imperial's intrigue...which book is it? If anyone EVER took my copy of little bear's trousers there'd be blood split...