DB and SIL don't want toddler DGS to visit their house

[Dressingdown1]

DS and his family live abroad and only visit once every 2 or 3 years. DS has always been close to DB but SIL doesn't like children much and they don't have any children. DS and family are currently staying with us and DB and SIL have been to visit us a couple of times and DB in particular has been quite interested in the family and done some nice things with them.

DB has been pressing DS to visit him at his place so the other day, when we knew we would be visiting some friends near DB's we called SIL and asked if we could all pop in. The answer was a definite NO, because of DGS.

DGS is just over 2 and a pretty typical toddler. He does twiddle knobs and play with forbidden things within his reach, but no worse than any other child and better than some (including DS when he was small)

I am upset with DB and so is DS. DB says we are being illogical and absolutely ridiculous to feel like that and we need to get over it. I am surprised by his reaction because he and I are normally very close and see things the same way.

What do you think? I really need some perspective on this situation.

Before I had a child myself I slightly dreaded people visiting with toddlers. But it didn't happen often so when it did I prepared myself and got on with it for the sake of good family relations.

Now my DD is much older and, although I might be a bit more relaxed about a visiting child, I would still be watching like a hawk since our house is no longer used to small people! However, once again, if it was an occasional visit I would try to put up with graciously.

The OPs DS and his family visit so rarely that I really feel the SIL is being very mean-spirited not to put herself out just a little bit towards her DHs family.

As for the OP's DB saying she is being "illogical and ridiculous" - no. It is actually he and his wife who are being a bit odd about all this.

I consider my uncles and aunts to be close relatives, and the OP says that her son has always been close to his uncle, plus they are physically close so pop in lots. Most importantly the uncle invited him! When you invite people to visit you really really shouldn't be surprised when they take you at their word.

but it's not worth a family row over is it?

My own experience (thankfully very limited) with visiting toddlers has been that in general, the more doting relatives visit with them, the less control is actually administered. A parent visiting solo with a toddler will nearly always ensure they are not climbing the furniture etc - one visiting with besotted grandparents in tow as well is given free rein. It's almost as if everyone thinks it's someone else's job.

It's extremely odd behaviour. Their home, they can do what they want etc. etc. but very odd behaviour all the same.

One toddler with how many adults for what, an hour visit, a two hour visit? I doubt too much havoc can be wreaked. SIL sounds like a pain in the ass.

Very few things are worth a family row over in my opinion.

Surely aunts and uncles are close family. And the nephew was invited - just that the wife and child aren't.

And people can have their house their rules all they want - and others can think they are rude weirdos as well.

And if I was the OP and it was my brother, I couldn't help it but would be rethinking that fact that they seem to think it's fine to pop in and out of my house when it suits them but then behave like this.