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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DB and SIL don't want toddler DGS to visit their house

108 replies

Dressingdown1 · 26/08/2013 16:46

DS and his family live abroad and only visit once every 2 or 3 years. DS has always been close to DB but SIL doesn't like children much and they don't have any children. DS and family are currently staying with us and DB and SIL have been to visit us a couple of times and DB in particular has been quite interested in the family and done some nice things with them.

DB has been pressing DS to visit him at his place so the other day, when we knew we would be visiting some friends near DB's we called SIL and asked if we could all pop in. The answer was a definite NO, because of DGS.

DGS is just over 2 and a pretty typical toddler. He does twiddle knobs and play with forbidden things within his reach, but no worse than any other child and better than some (including DS when he was small)

I am upset with DB and so is DS. DB says we are being illogical and absolutely ridiculous to feel like that and we need to get over it. I am surprised by his reaction because he and I are normally very close and see things the same way.

What do you think? I really need some perspective on this situation.

OP posts:

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 26/08/2013 18:45

How bizarre. I would take any invite from family to include my dp and dc.

Shelby2010 · 26/08/2013 18:47

YANBU.

DB & SIL are happy to come to your house & enjoy your hospitality with DGS present but not return it. DB is not allowed by SIL to invite his own family to the house he lives in. They would both rather offend DS, who is presumably only visiting for a short time rather than put up with a toddler in the house for an hour or so.

Is your SIL weird/controlling in other ways?

PresidentServalan · 26/08/2013 18:56

If your DS only visits every few years, is it really worth falling out with your DB over this?

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 19:01

I still think it is a massive difference though. An uncle inviting his nephew to come visit, but instead nephew, with parents, partner and child rings and ask to pop along en masse right away.

PresidentServalan · 26/08/2013 19:03

Quint Absolutely - the poor woman doesn't like children so half the family want to descend on her house with a child in tow!!

thebody · 26/08/2013 19:04

well come on here. all the toddlers I know ( and my own defiantly) are/ were a pita.

we always host a pre Christmas party at ours for dhs family. there are now 3 toddlers and counting. love them to bits but can see the time coming when the mantle is passed in to younger relatives.

I now have cream carpets.. and older children.

runes · 26/08/2013 19:05

"Sister" you just made me laugh out loud. I agree, pair of miserable cunts. Ffs, how does the sil manage any type of existance surrounded by actual people, we're all someone's child. Jesus fucking wept, OP fair play to you if you can be arsed with either of them.

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 19:09

Maybe the issue is not so much the toddler, but 5 people proposing to drop in spur of the moment?

PresidentServalan · 26/08/2013 19:10

We are all someone's child but we don't all go marauding through other people's house breaking their stuff and having tantrums

marriedinwhiteisback · 26/08/2013 19:12

But childless, middle aged couples can get awfully pedantic and set in their ways. My mum has her childless sil and bil staying at the moment - 76 and 81. They have popped out and bought their usual brand of loo roll and snuck it into the bathroom :)

At home I think she polishes the leaves on the trees and he dusts the gnomes. Mum and I always joke they'd have a nervous breakdown if they came to mine for the day, let alone overnight.

BlingBang · 26/08/2013 19:14

How weird and rude? If the invite was to your son then it should automatically have included his wife and child.

Really don't understand folk seeing the brother or wife's side here - whether t is their house or not. And I might not say something being the sister but I would think they were weird and rude and would be hard to think badly. Mnet is a strange place at times

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 19:15

His wife maybe yes, but perhaps the assumption was that his parents would baby sit grandchild?

thebody · 26/08/2013 19:16

Bling, do you then have no say in who visits your house?

PresidentServalan · 26/08/2013 19:16

I don't have children in my house because it isn't remotely child proof and there is too much scope for them to damage things. According to MN that makes me a miserable cunt - well, you live and learn...

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 19:20

Oi there Servalan, MN is not speaking on behalf of ME, I dont think you are a miserable old c ...t

PresidentServalan · 26/08/2013 19:21

Thank you Quint

JenaiMorris · 26/08/2013 19:26

I dread small children visiting. I had one myself and I love them elsewhere, just not at my place. Nothing is geared towards them, the cat freaks and there are myriad risks I've probably overlooked. Also they're exhausting, and ime I'm expected to entertain them whilst not actually spending much time with the people I really wanted to see (ie, their parents).

Should I be fortunate enough to have grandchildren, I'll have a thorough rethink of layouts and the positioning of bleach bottles - in the meantime I'd rather meet in the park or something. Or better still, hook up with their parents in the evening when their small children sleep.

I can totally understand the sil's pov basically, although I concede it's not terribly friendly and that I'm probably vvu.

thebody · 26/08/2013 19:27

no I agree president. as said mine are older now and I don't want toddlers rampaging through my house either. been there.

some people just don't like kids in their house, some don't like dogs or cats. their house their choice.

I think inflicting your toddlers into others who clearly don't want them there is fucking rude actually.

JenaiMorris · 26/08/2013 19:30

Oh there are a few of us miserable cunts - hurrah!

I'd like to descend on those who think we're miserable cunts with our toddler grandchildren, when their now toddlers are teens+

PresidentServalan · 26/08/2013 19:33

Jenai

MrsCampbellBlack · 26/08/2013 19:41

DB and SIL were rude. God, whatever happened to being gracious hosts?

But no, its all 'your house your rules' 'back your DP whatever they do' and I blame mn for it all

BlingBang · 26/08/2013 19:43

If it was a close family member you wanted to see who you were fond of and didn't get the chance to see often as they live overseas - would to really be so anal to not have them or their child round to visit?

Still major league gobsmacked - bunch of weirdos. it can be really crap being the person visiting from a distance and being at the mercy of this kind of crap when you have perhaps went to a lot of effort and expense.

QuintessentialOldDear · 26/08/2013 19:51

I fail to see why a middle aged couple should even want to entertain a young family, they would just spend the entire visit watching nephew and wife entertain their toddler in their child unfriendly home! Not sure how this is benefiting anybody, really?

GrendelsMum · 26/08/2013 19:58

No, I'm joining the miserable cunts club too. The fact that I have bleach on open shelves at toddler level, electric wiring hanging loose, nails sticking out of the wall at toddler eye level, and a large trough of water is nothing to do with my reluctance to invite round small children.

raisah · 26/08/2013 21:40

Could it be that they wanted kids badly & it didnt work out for them & that's why your SIL can't bear to be near toddlers.

I know someone like this, having 6 miscarriages have taken it's toll on her. I don't speak about my dc unless asked my in laws ask.

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