Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

daughters 21st

22 replies

Kez171271 · 24/08/2013 23:46

Tomorrow my lovely daughter will be 21. She arranged and invited family and friends to a sunday lunch at a local hotel 6 weeks ago.
Neither of her sisters are going as they both forgot to book the day off work.
Her younger brother(15) has now refused to go.
Her dad who is divorced from me and remarried isn't going because I'm going and I gave his address to the csa which he was not happy about!
She has four grandparents,one aunt and two cousins none will make the 100 mile journey for her special day.
My partner is working so only me, her mum who loves her very much will be there.
Also going is her boyfriend and his parents,nana,sister, friends from work who adore her.
I'm cross and sat her crying and ashamed of our family for hurting my daughter.

OP posts:

Blondie1984 · 24/08/2013 23:56

Something similar happened to me on my 21st and I actually loved it - for once I got my mums full attention, without having to worry about my 2 sisters and hoping they wouldnt embarrass me - I'm sure your daughter will like it too

MidniteScribbler · 25/08/2013 00:01

Can you switch things up so that the day is even more special and take her mind off those not attending? Limo, book in at a spa for the two of you after lunch, book a roomat the hotel for her and her boyfriend for the night? Or get someone she may not have seen cor a while to show up as a surprise.

MidniteScribbler · 25/08/2013 00:02

Cor = for. Silly tablet.

kidsinamerica · 25/08/2013 00:03

She will love, remember and treasure those of you who are there. Take lots of pictures of her with those who love and care for her.

You are more than enough for her - look how much you care. She will feel that every time you smile at her tomorrow.

You're clearly a fab Mum and friend and you'll make it right for her. She will have a lovely 21st - because you are there.

AgentZigzag · 25/08/2013 00:04

Does she know about the people not coming?

If she does, is she bothered?

It's crap they can't/won't make it, but it sounds like she'll have plenty of people who she wants around her there.

Glass half full an' all that (although YANBU I'd be fucked off for her too)

Backtobedlam · 25/08/2013 00:06

I bet she'll be happy with you and her boyfriend/friends there. At 21 I was more interested in friends than family I think! Could her sisters come and meet you after work for a few drinks/afternoon tea or something?

Maggietess · 25/08/2013 00:13

I'm with midnite, try and add something extra special for you and her, like spa or whatever.
It's really, really sad that the rest won't make the effort for what is an important date for her, I'd be sad too (and actually I'd be just telling the 15yo that he IS going). But now just you make it as special as possible for her.

I would tho (after the event at this stage) also have a word with the other two and explain how you feel they have let their sister down a bit and ask how they are to make her birthday special for her. Ok they might not be able to make tomorrow now but they can do something else as sisters together.

Original poster

Kez171271 · 25/08/2013 00:17

Thank you for your lovely replies. Her boyfriend and his family are lovely people and yes she does know only ill be there and text me to say thanks for being there for her.

OP posts:

SueDoku · 25/08/2013 09:13

Have a lovely day OP - say 'Happy Birthday' to your lovely daughter from all us MNs

sashh · 25/08/2013 12:07

Happy birthday to your dd.

Sounds like her bf and family are all lovely.

She will be fine. And so will you.

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2013 12:18

The only one I'd be really cross with is her brother. Why is he refusing to go?

Dorris83 · 25/08/2013 13:29

Not sure if this is your style but it might be nice to prepare a little speech about your DD (when she eas born, funny stiry anout her as a baby/young girl...I'm sure she'd appreciate it and it will really differentiate the meal from being a meal to a memorable celebration.
Also definitely have words with her little brother and strongly suggest he change his mind about attending.

Leeds2 · 25/08/2013 15:26

I would have a word with her brother too!

I hope you both have a lovely time.

Selks · 25/08/2013 15:42

I would insist that her brother goes, if possible. There are some family events that its just not ok to miss without good reason. I'd also be suggesting her sisters try their best to get some leave from work - or re book it as an evening meal so that they can come? Or suggest to them that they find a way to make it up to her eg the three of them go for a girls night out or something.
I feel for her. I hope she is not too disappointed - I hope she has a lovely birthday anyway.

TheAwfulDaughter · 25/08/2013 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AgentZigzag · 25/08/2013 17:09

Forcing the brother to spread his misery about is hardly the recipe for a great family meal together.

If he's refusing to go, I can't imagine he'd be up for putting on his happy face to be nice to his sister.

nkf · 25/08/2013 17:14

That is hard. Thankfully she has you and her boyfriend and his family. Why are her siblings being so off? Could you have a word with them. For example, could the sisters come for dessert? Or cake and champagne in the evening. Forgetting to book sounds a bit passive aggressive to me but maybe they genuinely did forget.

Original poster

Kez171271 · 26/08/2013 00:28

Her brother wasn't missed. Issues with his behaviour but that's a whole new thread! Sisters joined us for drinks after work. Love family life but sometimes it has its ups and downs!

OP posts:

LazyMonkeyButler · 26/08/2013 00:31

Not my 21st, but a similar thing happened on my hen night.

I ended up going for a meal with my mum & sisters. Not one friend turned up, although they all turned up for the free bar wedding reception.

Amy106 · 26/08/2013 00:51

I hope it is one really happy birthday. My best wishes to you both.

Beastofburden · 26/08/2013 01:28

Glada it worked out well in the end

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 26/08/2013 06:57

I hope she had a lovely day! (my 21st was Easter Sunday, there's nothing like a bank holiday weekend as an extra treat!)

I appreciate it's happened now but, at the age of 21, she's probably starting to realise that people will let you down and others will just be pathetic (i'm thinking of her dad here - my parents sat through our wedding after my dad had left my mum for another woman dix months earlier. It was hard, but they did it because they put my feelings over their own). Anyway, I digress. What I'm trying to say is that the people who have made an effort are likely to be the people who will.be there for her through all that life throws at her. It's actually quite useful to realise this early on in life

I imagine you're feeling hurt too as you imagined it differently and are disappointed in.those who let her down? I always dreamt of having one of those families where people would just pop over and we'd all have Sunday lunch.together after a big long walk.in the woods. Sadly, FSIL is quite controlling so DB spends all.his time with her family and DBIL is just unsociable. I realised that blood isn't thicker than water and we now have a network of great friends who would be there for us no matter what. It hurt to realise db and dbil were just generally not bothered but we've ended up much better for it.

Sounds like your DD may have a similar thought at some point, though it must ve heartbreaking as a parent to stand by and witness it happen.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread