Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to feel gutted that M&F in-law had DS hair cut SHORT

78 replies

airyfairy1978 · 24/08/2013 16:45

Am I just being pathetic here? DS is 2. Ive only ever had his hair trimmed a bit- I like longer hair on boys! he stayed with nan & gramps overnight & came home with a SHORT back & sides. I feel so upset, like I'm grieving or something. M-in-L recognised it was too much & apologised. I just wanna cry every time I look at my boy. I hardly recognise him!!!

OP posts:

maddening · 24/08/2013 21:34

grieving doesn't necessarily only relate to one grieving bas they have suffered a bereavement - you can grieve for anything - but the grieving for a haircut will never match the sheer magnitude of pain and emotional devastation of a bereavement of someone close - bit the op never suggested that it does.

yanbu op- they overstepped the mark.

CaptainSweatPants · 24/08/2013 21:40

Just think it'll be easier to nitty grit

Gruffalump · 24/08/2013 21:47

Holidays kindly fuck off. What a ridiculous post.

Wearytiger · 24/08/2013 21:48

YANBU YANBU YANBU

My MIL has done this three times now. Time (1) ... I very politely asked her not to do it again. Time (2) ... I texted her, and said 'I don't mean to be rude but it's not your job, please don't do it again'. Time (3) ... I shouted at her, and said my dd's hair was 'none of her business' . Cue massive histrionic tears and then a week of blanking me. Not my finest hour, nor hers. However, the impromptu haircuts have now stopped!

Zipitydooda · 24/08/2013 22:04

YANBU

I'd be really upset too, it's a betrayal of the trust you put in them. If it was me, I wouldn't let my DS stay over for a long time and would probably go v OTT with my reasoning; he might come back with pierced ears, a tattoo, circumcised!!

My MIL even asked my permission before cutting my DS' fingernails (I had been rather neglectful of the nail scissors).

ThisIsMySpareName · 24/08/2013 22:05

DD1 was born with the most gorgeous curls - MIL is a retired hairdresser and used to trim her fringe and the dead ends off the length. Just before her third birthday, her hair had got quite long and despite using a fair bit of detangle spray when combing it, there were histrionics every morning.

I asked MIL to cut it back to a short bob length. Unfortunately, it then became clear that the curls were baby hair curls only and DD1 has had poker straight hair ever since.

Now, I don't blame MIL for this - it wasn't her fault and she was lovely enough to put some of the curls in a little envelope for me, however, DD1 does - she regularly comments that 'nanny cut my curls off'.

It makes me incredibly sad that she no longer has her curls and also knowing that DD2 who has the same curls, won't have them forever, so I can understand your upset - especially as you didn't ask for his hair to be cut.

NicknameIncomplete · 24/08/2013 23:00

My exMIL did this. She was a controlling bitch. She thought my dc was hers.

My mum would never even think of doing this.

Why would u think that it was ok to take someone elses child to a get their hair cut?

Famzilla · 24/08/2013 23:08

Massively overstepping the boundaries there, but are they of the generation where boys didn't have long hair? Maybe they thought they were doing you a favour. You know, in the way some IL's try and give your 3mo babies some mashed potato ("proper food") when your back is turned because "they look starved, poor things still only having milk. Breastmilk too, not even the proper stuff!". bitter

MirandaGoshawk · 24/08/2013 23:10

Yanbu. If he stayed with them for a few weeks then I could understand it, but one night? Without asking first? Which of course they didn't do because if you'd wanted him to have short hair you'd have had it cut already. It's way out of order to undermine your choice like this. They are imposing their will. I would be furious.

pigletmania · 24/08/2013 23:17

Yabvu and ott to be grieving, he is still your little boy hsir cut shirt or not!

Yanbu that they took him to thf barbers without permission.

Here have a grip

FriskyHenderson · 24/08/2013 23:23

I'd be furious.

My father once tried to suggest DS needed his fingernails cut. We handed him the nail clippers and suggested he try

flyingspaghettimonster · 24/08/2013 23:43

My in laws did this once - only once. After that they were never allowed to touch my kids' hair again, and I do ask sometimes if I am suspicious. They realised they overstepped the mark.

What totally shocked me was a friend of my son who cut BOTH my son's hair while she was watching them for a few hours. No asking first, just done, and expected me to be grateful rather than shocked! My boys both have blonde surfer dude hair, it suits them, and she gave them a sort of bowl cut with buzzed back like her son... they were clones of him... she said they asked her to cut theirs while she cut his, like that is an excuse! They were 5 and 3, I wouldn't ever presume to do something like that.

I sure hope I can remember all the things I don't like my in laws doing with my kids, and not do those things with my future daughter in laws...

treaclesoda · 24/08/2013 23:50

if they took him for a haircut without prior agreement from you, then yanbu.

If you had agreed they could take him and its just gone wrong then its not so much their fault as the hairdresser's.

foolserrand · 24/08/2013 23:52

Dp was once trusted to take ds, then 2, to the barber. I didn't trust him completely so sent him with a picture for the barber to copy. My angelic toddler came back looking like Hitler. Imagine a tiny, blonde Nazi following you around for several weeks. I was newly pregnant with dd and was an emotional mess. I sobbed until it grew back, demanded a refund from the barber and stuck a hat on him.

I can commiserate fully with your feelings, but his hair will honestly grow back before you know it. One day, you will even laugh about it.

Footle · 27/08/2013 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

verytellytubby · 27/08/2013 20:13

I would be fucking fuming if that happened to my twin boys.

Squitten · 27/08/2013 20:17

Oh dear - that's always the grandparent haircut isn't it? Mine were forever going on about my cousins' hair being too long and needing a short-back-and-sides!

Don't panic about the hair - it grows back too bloody fast and it will be gone soon. I would, however, be having words that they should not be doing something like that without telling you!

ilovecolinfirth · 27/08/2013 20:28

Woah! They've well over-stepped the mark. YANBU

MovingForward0719 · 27/08/2013 21:27

Yanbu. My mil actually complained to me that her other grand kids mum had had their hair cut! She was annoyed that their mum had gone off and done that without consulting with anyone else!! I still can't get my head round her being annoyed that a child's own mum had got their hair cut!

RoadToTuapeka · 27/08/2013 21:32

It will grow back at least! I too would be really cross if anyone other than DH or myself took it upon themselves to take DSs off for a haircut and would be sure to tell anyone who did, not to do it again.

SpottyDottie · 27/08/2013 21:32

As others have said, its hair it will grow back BUT it is NOT your in laws place to take him for a haircut. So hopefully you and your DH have asked them not to do that again.

DrCoconut · 27/08/2013 21:45

DS2 has very fine straight hair and it got messy rather than angelic. So I had it cut and really loved the result. But no way would I have wanted anyone else to do it.

Debs75 · 27/08/2013 21:45

I would be fuming. DS had lovely buttery blond hair until he had his first haircut(my fault) now his hair is almost black. DD3 has lovely buttery curly blond hair and I won't cut the back ever as I know they will go away and it will be poker straight like the rest. I still cut dd2's hair in a curve so it looks like it hasn't been touched

My friends inlaws cut her dd's hair off into a thick fringe. She had thick bouncy curls but her hair still grew forward so it was clipped back. They combed it forward then cut it at the eyebrows and it looked hideous. She then had to have a fringe for years whilst it gradually grew back properly. Friend was fuming but just meekly said 'oh it looks....good.'

prettypleasewithsugarontop · 27/08/2013 21:56

MIL did this with DD1 - we were growing her fringe out (she wore headband or tied back fringe), they took her to hairdressers one sat afternoon and got it cut way too short, just in time for her school pics the following monday so aside from it happening, we have photographic proof in her primary one pics

SHarri13 · 27/08/2013 22:02

I'd be fucking raging! YADNBU!

Flip

1 2 3 4