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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think we shouldn't have done this with the dds?

100 replies

pyulio · 22/08/2013 21:50

My brother looked after the dc today and he took them to York races without telling me. I?m quite annoyed by this on its own because it meant they weren?t back but whilst there my brother apparently got them to pick a horse and then placed bets on their behalf. The girls are now talking incessantly about the gambling and bookies and about how exciting they found watching the horses on the navesmire.
My brother backed a few winners and so he had some money and he?s used some of that to buy them ice-creams and sweets. When I came to pick them up he told me what they?d been up to and told him how unhappy I was that he?d taken them on a trip without my approval and that he?d encouraged gambling to them. He just laughed in my face and told me to stop being stupid, I didn?t want to argue with him in front of the dds so I left it there.
When I told DP he sided with my brother and said that I need to go to the doctors for an enema because I?m so full of shit . AIBU to not want gambling promoted to my 7 and 9 yo dds?

OP posts:

Trills · 23/08/2013 09:05

Have you at any point previously expressed your views about gambling to your brother?

As you can see, many many people think that betting on horses is harmless fun, and it would not occur to them that it was anything that children should not see.

If you have previously said how much you hate gambling, then perhaps it was unreasonable of your brother to choose this location for a day out (although he could easily have not remembered, unless you have said it on multiple occasions).

As it stands, he has taken your children for a nice day out, a good time was had by all, and you have been ungrateful. I can see why he would not be best pleased.

You and your DH need to discuss now whether you will say that they cannot go again.

Runningchick123 · 23/08/2013 09:07

Does your children's uncle what to adopt a couple of nephews? I would love my children to have an uncle who takes them for a totally fun day at he races as they wokd be doing something totally different that me and their dad wouldn't do.
Your girls sound like they had an amazing day out and will return to school with tales of their fab day out with their lovely uncle.
Your husband was very rude though even if his sentiment was spot on .
Too many children don't have extended family who will take them out and treat them.

FlankShaftMcWap · 23/08/2013 09:09

Have you had a gambler in the family OP?

JenaiMorris · 23/08/2013 09:14

Seeing their mother talked to like that may well have a detrimental effect on your daughters OP.

The odd trip to the races on the other hand with an loving, fun uncle can only be a good thing.

amistillsexy · 23/08/2013 16:25

I agree with you about gambling not being something you want your dds to see as a great thing, bit of it were me, I'd use it as a teaching experience, and talk about the two sides of the gambling coin. Encourage m to see how the excitement can lead to people betting more than they have.
And I'd be giving DH an enema all of his own if he ever spoke to me like that.

MrsOakenshield · 23/08/2013 16:33

unless your brother knew you had such strong views about this, I think what he did was fine - he took his nieces out for a fun day. It's like say is Grandma treats the DC to an ice cream whenever she sees them they'll end up obese. Unlikely.

However, what your 'D'H said was awful. Just awful. Even if you were being incredibly pompous about it, it was a horrid thing to say.

teacherandguideleader · 23/08/2013 16:39

My mum let me do lots of things as a youngster that a lot of people would be judgey about - including this type of 'gambling' and I was also allowed alcohol from the age of about 13.

Because these things hadn't been off-limits, I grew up with a sensible attitude towards them. I go to the dogs and love the thrill of it - but I will only ever put £1 on each race - you still get the excitement of winning, but it has only cost £13 if I lose every race. I also never went out and got hammered as a teen because I had a healthy attitude towards alcohol.

I think YABU - it sounds like your girls had a fabulous time - telling them they must never gamble could create a rebellion when they are older!

PeppermintPasty · 23/08/2013 16:43

I am far from put out by what your brother did.

What your "d" h said was absolutely vile. That's what you should be up in arms about.

PicardyThird · 23/08/2013 16:45

The day out sounds absolutely fine and great fun for them, and, as someone further up said, a good opportunity to talk to them about probability and risk and why any kind of gambling needs to be done sensibly (and some kinds should be avoided).

The was your dh spoke to you, on the other hand, is really quite worrying. I'd be looking at what's going on there rather than being cross at your brother, who sounds like a fun uncle.

NotYouNaanBread · 23/08/2013 16:45

I'm not keen on gambling, although a day at the races isn't as bad as bookies's shops/online poker etc, but what really stood out in your post is how appallingly both your brother & in particular your DP spoke to you. Is that normal?

Blatherskite · 23/08/2013 16:49

My BIL got all the adults to put in £1 per child on New Year's day and did a sweepstake. We then watched it on the TV. DS (6) won £5 and was thrilled.

It was a bit of fun and he's not asked to gamble again since.

I think your reaction is a little OTT and very rude unless your Brother knew you hated gambling so much and went behind your back.

Twitterqueen · 23/08/2013 16:51

YABU
We have family days, Ladies days, dress-up days and also regular concerts - pop stars & opera at my racecourse.

It's a fun day out, it's different, it's outside, their uncle gave them a fab time.

Be grateful, not judgemental. The DDs aren't going to turn to a gambling addiction on the back of lovely day.

Chocrock · 23/08/2013 16:59

My DS would love an uncle and a day out like that!

I think you may be overthinking this, a day at the races is not like a day at the bookies at all. Just as taking the kids to a pub to have lunch and play in the garden won't turn them into alchoholics

quesadilla · 23/08/2013 17:13

I would chill out and let it go, personally... It's a novelty for them and a fun day out and as long as its not being repeated multiple times its just an exciting day out.

Having the odd flutter doesn't mean you will turn into a gambling addict.

If you are really against it though you should make it clear to your brother that he shouldn't do it again though.

Justforlaughs · 23/08/2013 18:43

Does your DB know your views on the races? If you have spoken about it before and he knows that you would disapprove and went ahead anyway then HWBU, but if he just thought he'd give the girls a nice day out, which they thoroughly enjoyed then YABU. As for your DHs comment, I suppose it depends on his tone when he said it. I can imagine saying that tongue in cheek to someone, but if he said it in a nasty way then it was out of order. He may have thought it was funny.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 23/08/2013 18:57

Do you expect anyone who looks after your children to ask permission about where they are going to take them?

My Nana loved playing the Penny Falls and from being old enough to hold a Penny I sat on her knee putting the coins in. I love them to this day and if I go for a day out to the seaside, I still play them. It's fun, it's £1 - maybe £2. Cheaper than an ice cream - where's the harm? Yes, I can see that they saw him winning - & maybe not losing (but I doubt that), which might skew their thoughts on it being all good, never bad. But that is something which is easily explained.

What has happened in your past that makes this so BIG in your mind, when really it isn't?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 23/08/2013 19:00

JustForLaughs

When I came to pick them up he told me what they?d been up to and told him how unhappy I was that he?d taken them on a trip without my approval and that he?d encouraged gambling to them

I think he knows now. But how sad for their Uncle to be told he has to ask for 'approval' before taking them somewhere.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 23/08/2013 19:03

I picked a horse every week for my Nan and got to keep the winnings! I'm 40 now and never gamble....don't even buy a lottery ticket. If it's in your genetic makeup then it's there...gambling aged 10 didn't harm me at all.

Bumblebee333 · 23/08/2013 19:03

yabu

Youhaventseenme · 23/08/2013 19:06

So you got a days free child care and you were rude about.

I await your future threads where you are bemoaning the lack of involvement by your family during the holidays.

IslaValargeone · 23/08/2013 19:09

We used to go and watch greyhound racing every now and again as kids, it was great fun.It hasn't turned me into a compulsive gambler. I think your brother gave the girls a fabulous day out.
Why are you also so narked that they weren't in on your return? You sound more than a bit ungrateful tbh.
I'd be livid however if my dh had spoken to me like that though.

IAmNotAMindReader · 23/08/2013 19:23

YABU here.

Your brother kindly looks after your children all day and you expect them to stay indoors on a beautiful day over the summer holidays unless an excursion has been pre approved by you.

If don't trust people to look after your children outside of their own home (and lets face it this is how this is coming across) then don't ask them. You can't say oh I trust you enough to look after them in your house but don't take them anywhere because I'm sure you aren't responsible enough. Can't have it both ways OP you either trust someone else's judgement or you do not.

There's a lot to be said for impromptu days out, they can create memories that last a lifetime. Whereas if an event planned down to the last detail can often become over hyped.

The gambling, whilst he didn't take them to a dark and smoky illicit poker room, if you have witnessed the problems gambling can create first hand then you do have a point. If he ever takes them again just ask that he limits their involvement to cheering for their favourite.

The way your DH has spoken to you isn't on. However if you have ranted at him about being annoyed your brother took them out without you combing over every detail, I can understand his exasperation. The way he has expressed it though is beyond vile.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 23/08/2013 19:30

your "d"h was absolutely vile! does he normally speak to you that way? if he does then you've got bigger problems than where your brother takes your children

Supertrooper88 · 23/08/2013 19:42

YABU.

We go about once a year to family day at our local race course (aimed at families with children). Its a great fun day out.

Once in a blue moon wont hurt your kids not make them grow up into gamblers.

HamletsSister · 23/08/2013 19:49

YABVVU

It is not like he gave them crack cocaine. We went a lot as children and are not gamblers. They are far more likely to become addicted to gambling via the Internet.

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