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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think we shouldn't have done this with the dds?

100 replies

pyulio · 22/08/2013 21:50

My brother looked after the dc today and he took them to York races without telling me. I?m quite annoyed by this on its own because it meant they weren?t back but whilst there my brother apparently got them to pick a horse and then placed bets on their behalf. The girls are now talking incessantly about the gambling and bookies and about how exciting they found watching the horses on the navesmire.
My brother backed a few winners and so he had some money and he?s used some of that to buy them ice-creams and sweets. When I came to pick them up he told me what they?d been up to and told him how unhappy I was that he?d taken them on a trip without my approval and that he?d encouraged gambling to them. He just laughed in my face and told me to stop being stupid, I didn?t want to argue with him in front of the dds so I left it there.
When I told DP he sided with my brother and said that I need to go to the doctors for an enema because I?m so full of shit . AIBU to not want gambling promoted to my 7 and 9 yo dds?

OP posts:

PumpkinPositive · 22/08/2013 22:41

I would not be happy about the horse racing because I think it's stupid and cruel and therefore not something I would promote as entertainment to children. The "gambling" would be less of an issue, particularly since it's a one off.

If you have no such moral qualms around horse racing, then I think you're over reacting. But it's all probably academic, since it's unlikely your brother will be volunteering to take the kids anywhere for quite some time.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/08/2013 23:18

See I can understand why you don't like it, well kind of.

I'm not massive fan of horse racing or specifically the Grand National and all the races attached to it.

Gambling doesn't bother me, I love a bit of poker. So many things "ruin lives" gambling seems a funny one to pick to get all het up about.

You have made yourself seem unreasonable given your brother took your children on a nice day out and made a fuss of them. You would have been better off calmly saying that whilst you're glad he took them out and they had a good time, you would prefer he didn't take them to events where gambling was the main feature.

littlemog · 22/08/2013 23:47

I also think that if you have no moral qualms about the actual racing itself then the gambling aspect of it is neither here nor there. It was a fun day out for them and your brother sounds like he is probably a very nice guy.

Do on reflection you probably are being rather U.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 22/08/2013 23:53

Its not all about the far end of the spectrum! Too much alcohol ruins lives, will you stop them seeing anyone drinking? Too much food ruins lives, better not take them to a restaurant....and so on.

If you want to control everything your children see and do, don't get other people to mind them for you. But probably better to be less controlling. Everyone had a good time, what is the problem?

MrsSchadenfreude · 22/08/2013 23:55

YABU. What a fab day out - a huge treat.

By your reasoning, would being in the same company as someone drinking a glass of wine also have the potential to turn them into raving alkies?

DaleyBump · 22/08/2013 23:58

I personally think YABU and a little bit precious.

CatThiefKeith · 22/08/2013 23:58

Op - I am from a family that lost everything 2 generations ago to gambling -I abhor it in every form, and get v upset if dp puts so much as a pound in a fruity, however i am slowly coming to terms with the fact that an odd flutter does not equal a serious gambling habit any more than the odd glass if wine equals alcoholic.

Relax, it was just one day. Make sure you explain the dangers at wn age appropriate time but really, this is not the beginning of the end of their world, promise.

Fairenuff · 23/08/2013 00:31

Have you never bought a raffle ticket OP?

pigletmania · 23/08/2013 00:43

Yabvvvvvu your kids had afun day out, so what! Your dh is right, chill abd have a

BackforGood · 23/08/2013 01:07

I'd be seriously concerned about what your dp said to you, but, like most posters I think YABcompletlyU about the day out.
They had an fun and exciting day out with their Uncle, which they thoroughly enjoyed, and you're moaning about it ?
I don't gamble myself, but hardly think that one experience at the races is going to permanently damage them, much more help cement a positive and loving relationship with their Uncle.

SummerRain · 23/08/2013 01:21

You're being ridiculous. Our local racecourse holds family fun days and it's a lovely day out with the kids, I give them a fiver each to lay a bet (in different races to avoid squabbling!) and they love standing watching 'their' horse in the race.

You should apologise to your brother and thank him for being so generous with his time and money.

Floralnomad · 23/08/2013 01:34

Every day out we had with my maternal GPs was either to a horse or dog race track , none of us have turned into raving gamblers ( they were ) , likewise they owned a pub and 2 of us ( out of 3) are t-total . YABU and should apologise to your brother . BTW dog racing is a fun family night out ,especially if you book a table in the restaurant .

MariaLuna · 23/08/2013 01:45

I remember a few fun days out at the races growing up.

I am very frugal, have never gambled in my life except in relationships but that doesn't count

MariaLuna · 23/08/2013 01:47

Oh and by the way, be thankful that he took them out, most siblngs can't be bothered...

They will have wonderful memories.

curlew · 23/08/2013 08:37

But don't let any of this obscure the fact that what he said to you was unacceptable.

Floralnomad · 23/08/2013 08:41

Absolutely agree that what your husband said is unacceptable .

LottieJenkins · 23/08/2013 08:42

YABU. I was going to Point to Point races from being a year old and I was having bets placed for me when I was six and I haven't been corrupted! (well not much anyway!!! )

mrsjay · 23/08/2013 08:44

they are not going to be starting gambling rackets at school or anything your brother took them to watch horses race they enjoyed it I don't see what the fuss is about ,

pianodoodle · 23/08/2013 08:47

My happiest memories from that age are our caravan holidays in a town jam packed with amusement arcades. Dad gave us a fiver to go nuts with!

It wasn't presented as "usual" life for us it was a once-in-a-while bit of frivolity.

They won't have picked up anything awful from the nice day out your brother took them on.

stopgap · 23/08/2013 08:53

My grandfather was a horse-racing nut. Aged eight, thanks to him teaching me about betting odds and how to back a favourite, I made a sculpture of a jockey wearing the silks of Sheikh Mohammed for "papier mache day" at school.

I find gambling deathly boring, but my grandfather's education did kick off a lifelong obsession with horses. Beware: your daughters may soon be pestering you for a pony

stopgap · 23/08/2013 08:54

PS I visited many a bookmaker with my grandfather while he placed a bet!

youarewinning · 23/08/2013 08:56

I don't want to see something that ruins people's lives glorified to them

I can see your point but they went to the horses and had a great day out. It onus wasn't on gambling but watching races and having fun.

It's hard to let go and accept others will do things with our DC's that we wouldn't but the only way to prevent this is never to leave them in the care of anyone else. That in itself is a bad life lesson as they never see outside a world you allow them to see.

I believe in everything in moderation and there's no garuntee if your child never encounters gambling they won't get addicted at 18 when they are old enough too.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/08/2013 08:56

I wouldn't mind the gambling, but York races are pretty awful... I'd have been more worried about them slipping in the sick on Blossom Street to be honest, so if you got away without that, you're winning!

marriedinwhiteisback · 23/08/2013 09:02

Nothing better than a day out at races. I bet you'd have enjoyed it had you gone :)

peggyundercrackers · 23/08/2013 09:03

you sound like a miserable old mare... lighten up and have some fun.

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