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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think we shouldn't have done this with the dds?

100 replies

pyulio · 22/08/2013 21:50

My brother looked after the dc today and he took them to York races without telling me. I?m quite annoyed by this on its own because it meant they weren?t back but whilst there my brother apparently got them to pick a horse and then placed bets on their behalf. The girls are now talking incessantly about the gambling and bookies and about how exciting they found watching the horses on the navesmire.
My brother backed a few winners and so he had some money and he?s used some of that to buy them ice-creams and sweets. When I came to pick them up he told me what they?d been up to and told him how unhappy I was that he?d taken them on a trip without my approval and that he?d encouraged gambling to them. He just laughed in my face and told me to stop being stupid, I didn?t want to argue with him in front of the dds so I left it there.
When I told DP he sided with my brother and said that I need to go to the doctors for an enema because I?m so full of shit Hmm. AIBU to not want gambling promoted to my 7 and 9 yo dds?

OP posts:
BlehPukeVomit · 22/08/2013 22:05

I was exposed to loads of gambling as a kid. It was a while ago when DCs could go into some casinos and could place bets in dodgy bookies. We often went to the races. I used to love it but I have almost never bet on anything as an adult.

I regularly saw my Dad win on slot machine sometimes several hundred pounds but it still never made me want to gamble.

Do you let your DDs see you drink? Or see you spend money on frivolous things? Do you think they are very impressionable?

Bowlersarm · 22/08/2013 22:06

Yabu.

You are over reacting.

My parents took me when I was little and they placed bets on horses I liked the name or look of.

I gamble extremely rarely as an adult, if that's your worry. I haven't become a rampant gambler.

Your DB just thought your DC would like a lovely day out, and treated them to it. I should think he would have been astonished by your reaction.

kalidanger · 22/08/2013 22:06

I'd be more bothered about what your DP said.

littlemog · 22/08/2013 22:06

I would be pissed off from an animal welfare pov as racing is a cruel 'sport' but my family know how I feel about it so would not take any children I might have to a racecourse in the first place.

3boys3dogshelp · 22/08/2013 22:09

I wish your brother was my uncle! I am lucky to have a very involved family too. sometimes this means my children do things or are bought presents that I wouldn't have chosen for them, but I feel the benefit of being surrounded by a fantastic family outweighs the negatives of a chocolate feast an hour after they should have been in bed at grandmas(!!). Seriously, do you think your brother got up this morning and thought 'I know today I'll try to turn my dns into mini gamblers' or 'the sun is shining, let's have a lovely day out in the sunshine together'?

Famzilla · 22/08/2013 22:09

Oh they're hardly going to be obsessing over it until their 18th birthdays in which they'll become hardcore gambling addicts.

I know this is terribly cliche but you are lucky to have a brother so interested in your children. My brat of a brother still refers to DD as 'it' and that's when he can be bothered to acknowledge her.

5Foot5 · 22/08/2013 22:10

Sorry OP but I am with the majority here.

This sounds like a lovely day out. The spectacle of the horses and the excitement they will have sensed from the crowd when the race is on will all have been great fun.

My DF took me to the races very occasionally when I was a child. It was a very exciting day out. He would even put a small bet on for me at the Tote now and again, but I am not a gambler at all. Once in a (very) blue moon I might have a little bet for fun but I have no interest in doing it regularly.

I think you should lighten up and realise your DB has given your DDs a lovely day out.

seensomuch · 22/08/2013 22:11

yabu your brother looked after your kids ,they had a great day out and all you do is moan , all i can say about what your husband said is he knows you better than us :)

Babyroobs · 22/08/2013 22:14

I know quite a few of my ds's friends parents take them to the races and they have all had a great time. It wouldn't bother me to be honest.

pyulio · 22/08/2013 22:15

Its just I don't want to see something that ruins people lives glorified in to them.

OP posts:
SusuwatariToes · 22/08/2013 22:15

I agree with others, what you're DP said was horrible.

You trusted your brother and put him in charge, were you expecting him to run every detail of the day by you first? Did you want them to stay in the house all day? Would you have been upset if he took them to the park without asking first?

littlewhitebag · 22/08/2013 22:20

My dad loves horse racing and has always bet on it. He never ever bets more than he has available. I grew up with cheering on horses as have his grand children. It is so much fun, and even more so if you have a day at the races. Yes, many people have gambling problems but then people have drink, drug problems too - but not everyone. I am sure your kids had a fab time and are unlikely to have gambling problems in the future.

HeySoulSister · 22/08/2013 22:22

Hey, the Internet can ruin people's lives but here you are on it!! Perspective needed..

saintmerryweather · 22/08/2013 22:23

oh come off it one day isnt going to have harmed them at all

Sanctimummy · 22/08/2013 22:25

*Put simply, your brother took his nieces on an unexpected day out and made a fuss of them.... And you are pissed off????

It's not like he takes them to sit in a bookies every day after school. Your DH is right.*

This

Sanctimummy · 22/08/2013 22:25

A fucking bold fail..

littlemisswise · 22/08/2013 22:26

I wouldn't have a problem with it.

We were always allowed to pick a horse for the Grand National as kids, and that was something DH and I allowed our DC to do too.

As a matter of interest, do you do the Lottery OP?

pyulio · 22/08/2013 22:26

littlemisswise- I don't gamble at all

OP posts:
FloraFinching · 22/08/2013 22:27

sounds like a lovely day out

we always get DD1 to choose a horse in the National
she's twice got the winner, at 40-1 and 66-1, and has kindly treated us to lunch on the winnings.

as long as they get the principle that you only bet what you can afford to lose, which is fairly simple even for small DC, then there's no harm done. just like buying a raffle ticket at the school fair really.

DanicaJones · 22/08/2013 22:28

I think it sounds like a lovely day out. The betting wouldn't bother me at all. Is your husband always such a charmer though?

teacherlikesapples · 22/08/2013 22:28

The thing is- by reacting in this way, you make yourself sound unreasonable, where as your brother will be the fun & cool uncle. This is a dangerous precedent to start & one you will regret if you don't learn an alternative way of handling these types of situations before they are teenagers.

There are always going to be influences in your child's life, you can't protect them from all of them. You can't put them in a bubble, especially if you want the option of leaving them with other people sometimes or eventually letting them leave the house on their own, trusting them to make safe choices.

Instead of focusing on the actions of others, teaching your child about making good decisions. By calmly & rationally thinking & discussing about what they enjoyed about their experience with their uncle. Talk about why gambling can seem fun & exciting initially but become an awful & dangerous thing for some people & why that is. Teach them to consider what people are telling & showing them & think critically about whether it matches their values.

By making such a harsh judgement on your brother & not acknowledging the positives of what happened you stand to damage your relationship with him & potentially your daughters. Your brother actually shared a special & lovely bonding day with your kids, although not in a way you approve of, he maybe wasn't aware of this before doing it.

They clearly had a lot of fun, so you shutting this down instead of using it as a learning opportunity will only drive a wedge. Making you look unreasonable & certainly taking away likelihood that they will trust you about the negative aspects of gambling...

Famzilla · 22/08/2013 22:29

Alcohol, sex, smoking, the Internet, tv, gossip mags, war and illness ruin lives too OP. You gonna prevent your kids ever being exposed to those too?

Portofino · 22/08/2013 22:30

Then went out, had a lovely day by their own account and you are moaning? The Queen does racing you know. It is posh. Gambling is less posh, but I am sure they are not addicts after one day out.

inneedofsomehelpplz · 22/08/2013 22:32

yabu Biscuit

curlew · 22/08/2013 22:33

What your brother did was fine.
The way your dp spoke to you is unforgivable.