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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to punch the mother I saw yesterday getting baby's ear's pierced?

477 replies

ElleBelly · 21/08/2013 11:59

Was in Claire's Accessories yesterday with my 4yo daughter, and there was a Mum getting baby's ear's pierced. Bab must have been about six months, and was screaming her head off, made me feel sick. Cannot for the life of me understand why people put their children through that at that age. It's so cruel. And mother was laughing with friends about it! Have got DS second lot of imms this week and dreading it, pathetic,over emitional,hormone befuddled woman I am, and just think its so wrong to put a baby through that pain uneccessarily.
Sorry for the rant but I so wanted to give her a slap.

OP posts:

Jolleigh · 21/08/2013 13:19

Lots of very judgy people who evidently have never made a controversial parenting decision commenting.

To each their own. My mum had my ears pierced at 6 months. The only advantage I've had really is that the holes never heal over regardless of how long I don't wear earrings now. I don't intend to do it to my newborn when s/he arrives next year. But that's my choice and it doesn't mean I resent the one my mum made for me.

Just like it's the individual parent's decision whether to circumcise their sons based on culture/religion/aesthetics/anything they want. Circumcision is mostly unnecessary these days but you don't see me butting my nose into other people's lives over it.

And those of you commenting negatively about tattoos - is there really any need to bring your personal preference on tattoos into a discussion on piercing babies' ears? I didn't get my tattoos for what other people may think. Mine are both discreet and unique as they're self designed. If you don't like tattoos, influence your own family with your opinions rather than trying to alienate people to don't know based on how they choose to look.

angelos02 · 21/08/2013 13:21

"Its a cultural thing". I couldn't give a tom tit. So is circumcision. Doesn't make it acceptable.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 13:21

joll are you after a medal for 'not giving a shit what happens to any child not biologically related to me'?

Funny sort of medal to want...

MortifiedAdams · 21/08/2013 13:25

I dont know why anyone would peirce jewellry into their baby's ears.

Oh, wait, yes I do - because they are too.into appearances to give a shit that it is painful and pointless.

As long as their little pwincess looks pwitty as a picture.

Fuckwits.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 13:29

I think a pretty clear and simple moral absolute would be:

It is ethically wrong to make a non-medically justified permanent modification to any body other than your own.

You can tell it's wrong because you couldn't get away with it with an adult. If my mum had my ears pierced without my permission now that I am an adult I would be suing her for assault.

Jolleigh · 21/08/2013 13:29

ICBINEG - more saying that there appear to be people on here assuming that everybody has the same set of values as they do. To many people, culture is an extremely important part of life. There are many countries that have laws and traditions I don't agree with. I tackle that by choosing not to live there. Providing the parents are within the confines of the law, which allows for religious and cultural freedom, it's up to them what set of values they live to.

Hulababy · 21/08/2013 13:31

I don't think it should be allowed on any child who cannot make the decision for themselves and ideally be able to look after them for themselves.

So toddlers and babies - def not!

Dd had hers done this summer. She's 11 and going into secondary. She says it didn't hurt at all and she has looked after them entirely herself. So far all going well. She's wanted them done a while and was happy to wait until summer between primary and secondary which I felt was the best time at earliest.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 13:31

joll hmm so you would support the refusal of a blood transfusion to a child on religious grounds? That kind of thing?

I completely reject the idea that parents are free to do as they choose with their children.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 13:32

also it is fecking obvious to all that we have different values...you can't have the same values I hold dear (the right to bodily autonomy) and think it is okay to pierce babies ears....

Viviennemary · 21/08/2013 13:32

Maybe it's time for a campaign to get this made illegal. It's horrific.

ICBINEG · 21/08/2013 13:33

YY sign me up!

soverylucky · 21/08/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 21/08/2013 13:35

I do think it's wrong to do this to a baby who can't express an opinion on the matter, and it is a bit dangerous (getting caught on clothes, yanked out or being a choking hazard) but the thing that really gets me that you're sticking holes in your baby's skin to try and make them more attractive. I just don't get that mentality at all. It's weird and gross and just unnecessary.

celticclan · 21/08/2013 13:38

What are the cultural reasons for piercing a babies ears?

CissyMeldrum · 21/08/2013 13:38

After nine months you finally meet your beautiful baby and think "lets improve on perfection by sticking bits of tat in their ears".....Why ?
I'll sign that petition.

LostMarbles99 · 21/08/2013 13:39

I hate it, looks so tacky.

IMO it's mutilation as the baby has holes pierced into its body without the ability to give consent.

Jolleigh · 21/08/2013 13:39

ICBINEG - I don't have to agree with it. I do have to accept that in order to maintain religious and cultural freedom in this country, people need to be allowed to make some decisions that I unfortunately don't agree with.

hettienne · 21/08/2013 13:41

I find it weird that so many posters are objecting to the OP feeling angry about seeing a baby being hurt (wanting to punch the mother).

I feel pretty angry when the bloke next door kicks his dog. I wish someone would go and kick him and see how he likes it. Does that make me just as bad as him?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 21/08/2013 13:42

At what point do we decide that religious freedoms override the health, safety and wellbeing of the child though?

MissBeehiving · 21/08/2013 13:42

yy to Vivienne. I believe that it's actually legal to have any party of your baby/child pierced with the exception of their genitals and in the case of girls, nipples. So lips, eyebrows, belly buttons are all fair game

BlingBang · 21/08/2013 13:42

We don't get it as it's not our culture. If the majority of you lot just happened to be born in say India or Spain or perhaps came from that background but lived in the UK then I guarantee that most of you probably would pierce your babies ears. You would think differently it.

brightonbythesea · 21/08/2013 13:42

What a very judgemental thread. I clearly don't condone the rape of children, and have never said anything of the sort. I thought I liked mumsnet but actually, it's crap.In the past few days I have realised that all it is, is judgemental people like you ICB who think they can stroll around deciding what other people should do, and if for a second they don't like what other people are doing, they run home and write a thread about it so all the other judgey mummies can get on board and agree with them. If it's not ear piercing or other peoples' cultural practices, it's how other people should definitely never touch formula, never sleep train, never call their child flower/chav names and never have a night away from your children. Perhaps all you judgemental mumsnet parents should write a 'how to be a perfect, middle class parent' manual, and then we can all benefit from your perceived wisdom. Bullshit, I'm out of this crappy forum.

lovestogarden · 21/08/2013 13:43

A campaign? They'll be queuing up to take their cases to the European court of human rights, and yet another bloody waste of time and money that will be.

Just don't get me started on the European court of human rights... oh, I already did... boo hoo, so you son can't wear a skirt to school, and he wants to just because the school rules says he can't - or rather, doesn't say that he can (and he wants to study law when he leaves school, so the publicity can't hurt?)? Was he born into slavery, abuse and prostitution? Is he being discriminated against because of his gender, sexuality or any disability? Is his quality of life being eroded and made unbearable? No? Well bugger off and come back when your rights as a human are actually being infringed.

OK, ok they also do a Lot of Good Stuff too...

Rant over.

hettienne · 21/08/2013 13:44

I think the law should be pretty clear on this - don't injure or hurt other people without their consent unless it's medically necessary and they are unable to consent.

If I dragged my 90 year old granny with dementia down to Claire's to get her ears pierced, because I thought it would look pretty, and she was crying and confused and trying to get away then I think most people would have something to say about that.

celticclan · 21/08/2013 13:44

But what are the cultural reasons for doing this?

Not so long ago it was part of our culture to have the cane in school and both my parents were brought up with a belt hanging next to the dining table that would be used for trivial reasons. It was part of our culture. It isn't now.

Are there religious reasons for ear-piercing? I don't think there are. Please could someone explain what the cultural reasons are.

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