Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should DH miss his hobby to come to my sister's birthday?

62 replies

WayHarshTai · 21/08/2013 10:22

We're having a familly BBQ tonight for my sister's birthday, getting there about 5 and we will aim to eat at around 6pm.

I mentioned it to DH yesterday (it's all very casual and was only arranged that day), and he said he couldn't go as he has his martial arts class at 7.30.

I asked why he couldn't just go to that afterwards and he (rightly) pointed out that we are a nightmare for running late, it would be a rush and last time we went to my mum's for dinner her was late for his class.

So he said I should take the kids and he'd stay at home, have his tea and then go to his class.

I pointed out that I'd feel a right twat when everyone asks where he is at 5pm and I say he's at home (two mins walk away) because he has a class at 7.30pm.

We have reached a compromise that he'll come and do the happy birthday bit but won't eat with everyone, which is fine, but I'm a bit grr.

He usually goes to this class twice a week, but hasn't been for three weeks as we've been on holiday and he had his wisdom teeth out. So he really really wants to go to both classes this week.

I can't work out who's unreasonable, I obviously don't prioritse stuff the same way he does. If it was just dinner at my mum's I woudln't care, but family birthdays are a bit sacred.

So come, on, bring it on. AIBU?

OP posts:
TVTonight · 21/08/2013 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onesleeptillwembley · 21/08/2013 10:25

Yabvu.

LeaveTheBastid · 21/08/2013 10:26

I don't think YABU at all. Family events always come before hobbies in our family. I understand he has missed a few weeks, but one more wont do any real harm, as an adult he should be able to deal with that.

BrokenSunglasses · 21/08/2013 10:26

If he's agreed to come and show his face to be polite and wish your sister happy birthday, then YABU, and I really can't see what your issue is.

HorraceTheOtter · 21/08/2013 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 10:28

This wouldn't bother me at all

Birthday celebrations for grown ups are a bit meh aren't they ?

LeaveTheBastid · 21/08/2013 10:28

Sorry, should have added that the compromise is a good one. As long as he is showing his face and not shunning it completely.

Somehow missed that bit of the post Grin

littlewhitebag · 21/08/2013 10:30

I assume your sister is an adult and this isn't a big birthday so i don't see what the issue is. He will come and say Happy Birthday then go off to his class. All happy.

Ladymuck · 21/08/2013 10:30

If the bbq was only arranged yesterday then I'm afraid I think that yabu.

Yonididnaedaethat · 21/08/2013 10:30

YABU

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 10:32

if he has missed a few classes recently I expect he is keen to get back to his previous fitness/skill level

easily lost, isn't it ?

soverylucky · 21/08/2013 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea · 21/08/2013 10:34

Yanbu. But then we're not hobby people, family always comes before hobbies to both of us.

HellonHeels · 21/08/2013 10:34

Expecting someone to drop everything, including a regular class/committment, for a casual birthday plan made only the day before is very unreasonable.

Original poster
WayHarshTai · 21/08/2013 10:36

Ah crap.

Even though he can still go to tomorrow's one?

I am happy with the compromise by the way and I'm not going to push for him to miss it, I'm just struggling to get my head round it. He can be a bit, erm, rigid about arrangements.

It's not a birthday party, but it's a family meal and all my siblings and partners and children will be there. It would have been odd if he didn't come at all, which was his first reaction.

Also (not to drip feed, sorry) he's been in quite a lot of pain from his teeth and I had assumed wrongly he wouldn't be going to his classes this week. He's been dosing up with heavy painkillers and going to bed early, which seems at odds with going to a physical activity in the evening. So it was news to me he was going.

OP posts:
Peacocklady · 21/08/2013 10:37

YABU. Sounds like he's made a reasonable compromise.

0utnumbered · 21/08/2013 10:37

I don't think you are being unreasonable as such but neither is he, it's just a difference of opinion.

If he has agreed to pop in to say happy birthday AND has allowed you to stay there with the kids rather than expecting you to leave then that is a compromise and sounds fair to me!

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 10:38

Is there more to this ? Does he get shedloads more leisure time than you ?

kinkyfuckery · 21/08/2013 10:38

You say you want him to miss his class, but there's a compromise where he can show face and not miss his class? Why isn't that enough for you?

ChasedByBees · 21/08/2013 10:38

YABU - this was not arranged yesterday. No way should he drop his existing plans. That's what happens when things are planned last minute.

ChasedByBees · 21/08/2013 10:39

Ignore that stray 'not' - it shouldn't be there.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 10:39

If he has agreed to pop in to say happy birthday AND has allowed you to stay there with the kids rather than expecting you to leave then that is a compromise and sounds fair to me!

I don't compute. "Allowed you to stay there" ? Hmm

Original poster
WayHarshTai · 21/08/2013 10:39

Oh yes, he's very magnanimous in allowing me to visit my famil....eh?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/08/2013 10:40
Smile
Original poster
WayHarshTai · 21/08/2013 10:40

Nah, not at all, AF.

All is well. I'm happy with the compromise, I was just seeing what people thought about the whoel thing. For me it's a simple choice, family woudl always win over hobbies. But then, my hobbies are drinking wine and watching telly, so...

OP posts: