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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to let these things bother me?? New Dp related

72 replies

smallfaces · 20/08/2013 08:05

I've been with Dp for 3 months. He's a really lovely guy but there's something holding me back. It's all very superficial things but they do bother me. I'm going to sound like a total bitch but here goes....

Firstly he pouts in photos and sits with a duck face if he wants a kiss. It makes me cringe. He's started just sitting with his phone showing me pictures of himself, focusing on a recent holiday of him with his top off, all the time blatantly fishing for compliments - 'look at that rotten body' while shoving the phone in my face. Then there's the sex.... He makes noises like he's a porn star. I'm not exaggerating it's like 'oh yeah, OH YEAH, I'm going to come baby!!' Imagine this with a slight hint of American accent.

On a more serious note, I have a lot of gay/lesbian friends. He knows this so it's pretty obvious not to make any derogatory comments about homosexuals in my company. Whenever a 'gay scene' comes on TV he starts with 'that's disgusting, I don't know how anyone can do that, it's so wrong etc etc!' I've told him that I get it's odd to him but there's really no need to make a big song and dance about it. He still does it.

I know these are all very superficial things and extremely first world problems but I just need to know if I'm bu in letting these things bother me. I'm prepared for a flaming!

OP posts:
WallaceWindsock · 20/08/2013 08:07

He sounds like a right twat. And tbh if you need to post this thread then he isn't worth it is he? I bet if you ask any happily married couple if they posted a thread just like this in the dating days they'd say no - so there's your answer.

DragonsAreReal · 20/08/2013 08:09

Dump! Flush him out!

waltzingmathilda · 20/08/2013 08:10

The sex thing would do my head in.

Another vote for dump

Fairylea · 20/08/2013 08:11

Noooooooo. Dump. Homophobia is reason enough.

BigBrassBand · 20/08/2013 08:12

The 1st paragraph was quite funny and I could live with these quirks if I otherwise liked the guy.

The homophobia is a deal breaker for me, I would struggle with someone who behaved in such a childish and ignorant manner.

TheOrchardKeeper · 20/08/2013 08:14

Oh god.

He can just fuck the fuck off, surely? He sounds awful!

If someone was like that during sex I'd be tempted to buckaroo them upon announcing 'porn-style' that they were nearly done Hmm

And the gay issue is obviously a marker for twatdom...

Fancies40Winks · 20/08/2013 08:14

You should be gagging for sex at this stage, not put off. Homophobia is a deal breaker. Dump, imo.

purplewithred · 20/08/2013 08:15

These things are not superficial. He can't 'read' you (anyone with an ounce of empathy would have picked up the duckface cringe by now); is self-obsessed (fishing for compliments); is embarrassing in bed; discounts your feelings and requests and insults your friends (the lesbian sex thing).

These are big issues. Dump him.

Foxred10 · 20/08/2013 08:16

These are not trivial! He sounds like a knobberConfused

smallfaces · 20/08/2013 08:17

I was gagging for it but now I just get all flustered and try to not to laugh when he starts with the dramatics. He is a really, really lovely guy, stupid comments aside. I wouldn't say he was homophobic, he'll happily sit in the company of my friends but I constantly feel on edge incase he says something out if order.

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 20/08/2013 08:20

you're only 12 weeks into your relationship it should be your honeymoon stage so if he's getting on your tits now it'll only get worse Sad

elinorbellowed · 20/08/2013 08:20

If you were really into him the sex thing wouldn't matter. The homophobia does. You have different values. Run for the hills.

sooperdooper · 20/08/2013 08:21

Nah dump him, once things start irritating they don't go away and he'll only annoy you more and more, he'll start doing other stuff that bugs you very soon, get rid now before you can't stand to look at him :)

arethereanyleftatall · 20/08/2013 08:22

If you liked him, you wouldn't find anything he does irritating at 3 months. Ltb

SilverApples · 20/08/2013 08:22

He sounds inexperienced in RL relationships, the sex noises and faces. Smile
But the prejudice? I'd tell him exactly why I was dumping him, and that would be the reason.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 20/08/2013 08:24

How did I know the OP would come back after we all said dump him with "he's a really, really lovely guy"?

curlew · 20/08/2013 08:25

"i wouldn't say he was homophobic,"

I would

smallfaces · 20/08/2013 08:25

I think he is inexperienced in relationships. He's only had 1 serious relationship and that was 7 years ago. Oh god, I hate dumping.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 20/08/2013 08:27

If he can't watch a tv programme without moaning something gay is "disgusting" then he IS homophobic.

smallfaces · 20/08/2013 08:28

jessica he is actually a nice guy most of the time. It doesn't mean that I'm going to stay with him. Ill get so annoyed I'll fucking explode.

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/08/2013 08:28

If you sit on edge now and have concerns now, amplify 10x when he feels your secure.

Dump now.

He may well be lovely, but he isn't right for you.

expatinscotland · 20/08/2013 08:30

Yuk, an immature homophobe. DTMFA.

Montybojangles · 20/08/2013 08:32

Seriously, at this early stage if there are this many things turning you off, than its not going anywhere.
Plus he does sound homophobic.
And a little immature.

LookingThroughTheFog · 20/08/2013 08:34

He sounds hopelessly immature. Not just not used to being in a relationship with someone, but not aware of how to be with people full stop. The other stuff would put me off, but the homophobia would be a deal breaker.

I hope you have better luck next time.

DontmindifIdo · 20/08/2013 08:35

even without the homophobia, the man is clearly a twat. Why waste your energy? Dump, make a new rule you will only date grown ups.