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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like throwing up whenever I have to eat other people's home cooked food

240 replies

gettngbetter · 19/08/2013 13:32

A lady in work baked a cake the other day and brought it in to share around. I accepted a slice as not to seem rude and said I'd have it later with my lunch as I'd just eaten. Then when no one was looking I wrapped it in a napkin and threw it in the bin.

I don't know why exactly but eating something that someone baked at home makes me feel ill. How do I know how hygienic they are? I'm not overly obsessed with hygiene or germs but i dont like the thought of someone I dont know very well touching the food with their hands.

If I'm in a restaurant I have no problem eating anything - even though if I think about it rationally the chef there could be very unhygienic! I've read horror stories about restaurants having to be shut down because they were endangering people's health.

Sometimes I'm in a situation where I feel obliged to accept and eat something - and there's no way of disposing of it - I try to gulp it down as quickly as possible.

I admit it's a bit weird to feel like this - Does anyone have the same issues. Or does anyone else have similar weird phobias? My friend is totally freaked out by cotton wool (I find that weird!)

OP posts:
NadiaWadia · 20/08/2013 05:03

home made sperm Grin

nooka · 20/08/2013 06:13

It's sad to see so many people with weird food phobias, but I guess we all have a few. Some may not affect life as much as others. I would find it hard to be sympathetic to someone who refused to eat my food, because I was brought up to think that cooking for people was a way of showing them that you love them, so it would be very hard not to feel hurt. Plus I was brought up by parents who were very affected by post war rationing so food was never to be wasted.

At work the context is different and it really really isn't hard to say no. I don't have a sweet tooth and so very very rarely eat cake, I just say 'that looks lovely, but I'm not really a cake eater'. No offense caused. If the person who made the cake saw it in the bin they might be really upset, and there are bound to be other people who would very happily eat and enjoy the cake. Please stop saying yes and throwing it away.

nooka · 20/08/2013 06:16

Pitmoutain you know that no one actually puts their fingers in boiling jam don't you? You'd get a very very bad burn. The finger testing is for set and it's with jam that's removed from the main pot and cooled down. No contamination possible. Plus the jam is boiling in any case, so no germs are left.

Beastofburden · 20/08/2013 08:24

Shows what a very good job modern shops and manufacturers have done with their branding.

It is always rational to avoid the products of ghastly kitchens and food covered in dog hair and spit. But the phobias being discussed here are mainly about squeamishness of another human being involved in food production. Something about the shiny packaging in a shop or restaurant is taking your minds off this. Of course commercial places have food hygiene standards, but they are not all that, and often breached. And some are saying its ok if things are touched, as long as you don't see it happening.

I don't think I knew anyone with this view when I was younger. I suspect it is the product of a more commercialised life, where people associate commercial packaging with security, whereas we associated it with home cooking from our mothers and from friends' mothers.

Rationally, the germ thing is trivial in almost all cases. We all know its irrational. If I suffered like this, would I deal with it? Yes, I would. It's unhelpful for your kids to grow up with this level of anxiety around food. And you are missing out on many things, such as BBQs , pot luck suppers, dinner parties, a cup of tea and a bun on Mother's Day or your birthday, kids cooking for you when they come home from Uni....

Beastofburden · 20/08/2013 08:29

Pit mountain, what kind of life is your spell checker living, that it sees "jam" and predicts "sperm"? Mine would be expecting the opposite, if anything, from the things it sees me type. Got one of those that learns from your individual use, have you? I think we should be told the full story here (grin)

FrauMoose · 20/08/2013 08:32

I think it is really important that we teach our children to cook. It is a 'life skill'. Many young people are growing up with student loans to pay off, low wages, high rents, temporary/zero hours contracts etc. As a society we are also aware of the problems that are being stored up by early diets that are high in salt, sugar, the sorts of cheap fat that are used in processed food. By teaching them that overpriced jars of ready-made processed sauce, microwave ready meals etc, fast food kitchens are 'safe'. we are also teaching them that paying over the odds for unhealthy junk is the way forward. Perhaps it is better - quite literally - to get our hands dirty?

Beastofburden · 20/08/2013 08:37

Fraumoose, so agree with you. An equally, if we teach them that it is possible to cook at home, but it is fraught with difficulty and you have to be incredibly precisely hygienic , then they will get the message that home cooking is difficult and too much faff.

meganorks · 20/08/2013 08:51

I would actually rather you said 'i don't want your cake you skanky bitch' than took it and threw it in the bin! That's awful!

You say your not concerned about restaurants which is weird. But you realise all your food has come from somewhere with humans. Often factories with some workers who are low paid and don't give a shit. Anyone I know who has worked in a factory producing food wont eat what they produce. So short of making and growing all your own food really you should get over it.

motherinferior · 20/08/2013 08:57

Agree totally that we are, culturally, getting weirder and weirder about food, eating and bodies. And that being able to 'pull a meal together' is a (really quite enjoyable) life skill.

Cravingdairy · 20/08/2013 09:04

I can't believe so many people have issues with candles and birthday cake. I have never even given it a thought. You can leave the icing if it's such a big deal. Our society has a very strange relationship with food.

IOnlyNameChangeInACrisis · 20/08/2013 09:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwasyoungonce · 20/08/2013 09:09

One of DH's customer's (he's an electrician) once posted us some cheese scones in a tupperware box, for Christmas. I was all ready to dig in, but my DH said "Noooooooooooooo! if you saw the state of her kitchen.." Apparently this woman lived in absolute filth, mold all over the fridge, thick grease on the floor etc.

We binned the scones. Sad

I must admit it's made me think twice about eating somebody's homemade stuff, if I have never seen their kitchen. e.g. buying cakes at school fetes, or things colleagues bring in.

I happily scoff stuff made by friends/ family that I know well though!

Capitola · 20/08/2013 09:11

We have a homemade cake stall at our village fete.

All of the cakes sell out within minutes.

I could never buy a cake from a cake stall - the idea of not knowing who made it puts me off completely. Same applies to jam.

livinginwonderland · 20/08/2013 09:14

People have weird relationships with food. Thing is, fifty years ago, if you had this kind of attitude, you wouldn't eat.

movingonandup · 20/08/2013 09:24

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jins · 20/08/2013 09:34

I have this phobia to some some extent but it stems from being misled about the presence of gluten until after consumption.

Sad
FrauMoose · 20/08/2013 09:48

If somebody says 'I have an unfortunate phobia, and despite my attempt to seek help, it still limits my life and makes that of my family a bit difficult' I will feel sympathy.

I have a friend with a particular form of OCD. Last time she visited she asked if I would mind crossing a nearby road at one place rather than another, because one particular crossing point would make her feel less anxious. It wasn't that much further out of the way, so I was happy to comply so that her stress became more manageable.

However, I take pride in the fact that I am good cook using fresh ingredients including stuff from my own garden. I make my own bread and cake - as well as jams and chutneys. I rarely buy processed food. I have brought up three children. I have a cat. I enjoy feeding extended family and friends. These meals are typically relaxed and happy occasions. I am acquainted with the basic rules of food hygiene and operate within those rules. (Here I mean handwashing after using the loo, implementing rules about the storage of meat etc.)

If somebody throws away the food I cook and thinks that I am dirty, I don't actually think that a great deal of real friendship is possible....

Coconutty · 20/08/2013 09:54

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pitmountainpony · 20/08/2013 10:31

Beast of burden- no spell checker here, no Word! So annoying,
No I was joking about the jam.I just do not like hair in my food but even that I it pull out and carry on eating. I saw what went on in restaurants as a server and once you have caught your child's vomit in your mouth, everything is fair game really.
But phobias are phobias- little rationality to them.

devilinside · 20/08/2013 10:40

Cakes are heated to a very high temperature, I'll happily eat home made cakes and I'm an emetophobe. You want to be more wary of home made salads, but saying that, I'd eat those too

Msgilbertblythe · 20/08/2013 11:13

Yes!! I'm the same. The absolute worst is eating sandwiches made by someone else. Gross, I just can't eat them, unless made by a shop, my mother or my husband. I guess we're just weirdos.

eatyouwithaspoon · 20/08/2013 11:16

I am like this I know it is weird. Funny enough I have a collegue just the same. I am worse with baked stuff (I can eat at some peoples houses but would still declin cake). I find cake stalls are just grim. I really cannot explain it. I dont think its germs, dirt or pets - I have them all! Grin I am phobic about spiders so do understand that you cannot control it, mine is more a strong dislike to homebaked goods than a phobia so if necessary I could have forced myself. Like you I could eat from a resturant.

motherinferior · 20/08/2013 11:20

My point is that a lot of people aren't talking about this as a mental health issue. Or even as a phobia.

IOnlyNameChangeInACrisis · 20/08/2013 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 20/08/2013 11:28

I can not comprehend the logic of not eating something someone has made at home, but at a restaurant is o.k?
Why? Surely in a restaurant the person , for e.g, peels the onions , with their hands. Holds the onions, with their hands. Chops them. put them in the pot to make soup/ stock etc.

I can not comprehend why one would be ok and the other not.
defies logic.