to feel like throwing up whenever I have to eat other people's home cooked food

[gettngbetter]

A lady in work baked a cake the other day and brought it in to share around. I accepted a slice as not to seem rude and said I'd have it later with my lunch as I'd just eaten. Then when no one was looking I wrapped it in a napkin and threw it in the bin.

I don't know why exactly but eating something that someone baked at home makes me feel ill. How do I know how hygienic they are? I'm not overly obsessed with hygiene or germs but i dont like the thought of someone I dont know very well touching the food with their hands.

If I'm in a restaurant I have no problem eating anything - even though if I think about it rationally the chef there could be very unhygienic! I've read horror stories about restaurants having to be shut down because they were endangering people's health.

Sometimes I'm in a situation where I feel obliged to accept and eat something - and there's no way of disposing of it - I try to gulp it down as quickly as possible.

I admit it's a bit weird to feel like this - Does anyone have the same issues. Or does anyone else have similar weird phobias? My friend is totally freaked out by cotton wool (I find that weird!)

[Mintyy]

Yes, you do know its not normal to feel as you do, don't you op?

Don't you ever go to other people's houses to eat??

What a restricted life you must lead.

[quesadilla]

I accept that this is a phobia and I know how hard these can be: I suffer from at least two myself.

So maybe this just sounds really nasty. But there's something about this particular one which is a) so antisocial and mean-minded and b) so decadent (I hate the phrase "first world problems but this is a textbook example) that I would make a point of getting it sorted, I think.

[SomethingOnce]

MadeOfStarDust, what?! That's gross! Tell me there's a final rinse with fresh boiling water or steam!

(I take back my earlier post about OP needing to get a grip and immune systems.)

[MadeOfStarDust]

I know, phobias aren't ever logical, but I'm the one who cleans the dishwasher filter in our house - and even though it is done every week, the grease and gunk just makes me want to heave...-

so when I load it I use the hot tap first to clean the plates and pots at least... not very environmentally friendly..... hubby just gets rid of any obvious muck and chucks the stuff in the dishwasher..

[TheWickerWoman]

Mine isnt to do with germs and hygiene, I can't speak for others, I know I won't get ill from eating others cooking and I know it will have been cooked in a cleaner environment than places I will eat from. I cannot explain what it is, someone earlier mentioned it being 'too intimate' that's the closest I can get to explaining it.

I am also the same in sandwich shops, if I see them preparing the sandwiches it puts me off although I will eat it if its already been made and in the chiller cabinet.

[GrendelsMum]

I think it's also something to do with control, as well, based on my friend? He seems to get very stressed by the idea that we will offer food and he has to accept it without knowing what it's going to be. I think he feels much more in control in a chain restaurant that offers food he's comfortable with and where he makes the choice.

[MadeOfStarDust]

SomethingOnce with commercial dishwashers there is a final fresh rinse.. but here is the general gist - of the dishwashers in most restaurants/canteens etc....

"Commercial dishwashers often have significantly different plumbing and operations than a home unit, in that there are often separate spray arms for washing and rinsing/sanitizing. The wash water is heated with an in-tank electric heat element and mixed with a cleaning solution, and is used repeatedly from one load to the next. The wash tank usually has a large strainer basket to collect food debris, and the strainer may not be emptied until the end of the day's kitchen operations.

Water used for rinsing and sanitizing is generally delivered directly through water supply, and is not reusable. The used rinse water falls into the wash tank reservoir, which dilutes some of the used wash water and causes a small amount to drain out through an overflow tube."

So that dirty crappy water is then reused to "wash" the next load....

Now - thinking about the home environment - the water is reused throughout the wash - but then fresh water is used to rinse - through the same spray arm that the crappy water has been circulating.... (hence sometimes the holes in the arms get blocked..)

I'm not really that keen on dishwashers... but too lazy to do the washing up.....

[FairPhyllis]

Having suffered from disordered eating when I was younger, I find it very stressful to be offered food and be expected to eat it on the spot, so I would say yanbu.

I will sometimes eat food offered, but I prefer to be given some private space to make up my mind if I feel ok eating it. To be presented with something and have someone stand over you like a hawk is horrible. And most people eventually get offended or think you're really stand offish if you keep refusing their food, so you do feel obliged to eat something at some point.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

It's pretty rude and very very precious. Huge grip required I think.

And it you refused my cake because you were questioning my hygiene, however subtly you think you're doing it, you'd be safe from then on in because I'd never offer you anything again ever.

[dirtyface]

ha i am the same

unless its something like frozen pizza which needs minimal touching

and at thought of eating anything my kids have made at school. NO just no

[SomethingOnce]

Thanks for clarifying, MadeOfStarDust. As long as there's a fresh rinse, I can just about live with the swill.

[resolves not to dwell on it]

[Preferthedogtothekids]

I'm more likely to live longer by eating other people's home cooking than my own...

[FairPhyllis]

I'm astonished at how many people are being unsympathetic about this tbh. It's not a personal slight on anyone's home cooking. OP obviously has anxiety/phobia that happens to manifest itself in this particular way.

I suppose someone will be along to tell me that anxiety/phobia/eating disorders are being precious and first world problems and we should just all get a grip. ffs.

[jamdonut]

Ohhh...I don't know what some of you would do if you worked in a school and had to bake and be seen to eat the biscuits/cakes etc that we make as part of lessons sometimes!! I think my immune system is pretty good,on the whole,probably due to the large amount of germs I get exposed to daily!

And I would love to own a dishwasher,but the chances of me ever affording one are very slim.

I am not clean freak,but maintain a reasonable standard of hygiene...eg washing hands often and using different chopping boards etc. But I have pets,so it is possible a stray hair may occasionally accidentally find its way into something.I definitely do not allow my cat to ever go on the kitchen counter or any tables. However, he has been know to manage to open the fridge...then run away and let the dog take the blame!!

[exoticfruits]

MN is always a revelation to me- it makes it endlessly fascinating!

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

YABU.

[specialsubject]

nobody is questioning a possible mental problem. But there is an easy solution, the three words 'no thank you'. No details required.

no-one was pressuring her to eat it.

[motherinferior]

Well, it is unreasonable. It's a phobia. That's what phobias are.

I am phobic about heights and bridges. I am totally unreasonable about them. But I do realise that it's unreasonable.

[GrendelsMum]

MovingOnAndUp - in our case, the problem is that our friend has never explained that he has a problem eating food that other people have cooked. He makes repeated excuses so as not to come to our house instead, which is why it could have been upsetting. It's the avoiding spending time with us which is difficult, not that he doesn't eat our food. If he had explained, we would have got it straight away. Does that make sense?

(Of course, I may have guessed wrongly and it may be that he has a different phobia, it may be some other form of eating disorder, or he really is trying to avoid DH and me).

[motherinferior]

What is also unreasonable is justifying a phobia as reasonable. There are some clearly phobic people on any washing thread (the ones who insist on washing their hands after putting washing in the machine) who don't seem to appreciate that they are, er, a bit over the top...

[slightlysoupstained]

Those of you bleating on about first world problems, getting a grip, etc really don't get it.

If someone close to you has had food anxiety, then you might realise that YES, you fuckwits, it is entirely possible and LIKELY for someone with an anxiety/phobia/OCD/whatever to just starve rather than eat whatever is triggering the anxiety.

Oh, and for your information, people in developing countries also have anxieties, phobias etc.

[FrauMoose]

The thing about the way eating food that other people have personally cooked feeling too intimate is interesting. People in this situation are saying they will a) eat food that they personally have prepared and b) highly processed food from a production line that also feels more 'untouched.'

For me the analogy would be people who are happy to have sex by themselves and/or with commercial sex workers. But not with anybody else who they actually know....

Which is why this phobia feels so weird. For me the sensual pleasure of food is so tied up with the sharing, the intimacy, what people do for one another.

To be unable to eat food that one's own children have made - and want to give you - would be unspeakably sad.

[Treague2]

Totally agree with Motherinferior.
It's not unreasonable in a 'get a grip of yourself' sort of way, but it worries me that lots of you are trying to normalise this.
Fair enough if you are dealing with your phobia/disorder/whatever but please do recognise it for what it is.