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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to go to the wedding?

65 replies

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 10:47

We have been invited to a very good friends wedding-dh,myself and dcs. Rsvp yes ages ago.

Mil 60th birthday is in the same week and she wants us all to go to a family meal. I told her about the wedding months ago and asked her not to book that date so she had plenty of time to organise it.

Mil is now moaning because she cant book x date because we have a wedding and she cant book x date because sil is working.

We have suggested going out on one of the Friday evenings instead and at the moment this is the plan.

BUT...I know mil-she has form for this sort of stuff and I just know she is going to pull a fast one and say that she cant do a fri and we must have it on x date and can we miss the wedding.

So ladies how can I prepare myself for this battle please?

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 19/08/2013 10:48

Just say that you are not missing the wedding. What does DH say?

Even if she says you have to miss the wedding it doesn't mean you have to, and DH should back you up on that.

ExitPursuedByABear · 19/08/2013 10:50

Just say no.

TheCraicDealer · 19/08/2013 10:52

When she announces that she has indeed picked the day of the wedding say something like, "Oh, that's a pity, but you know we've got that wedding that day. We'll go out next week- just the four of us, our treat. Now where would you like to go?".

Kill that shit with kindness.

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 10:52

I wish it was as easy as that. Dh will not back me up at all-he will be looking for any excuse to get out of the wedding as he hates weddings so no help there.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 10:53

That's actually a goo idea Thecraic-but unfortunately they are going on holiday the following week plus I know I will get the "oh but we want all the family together"-despite the fact that I know my fil will spend the whole time moaning about my dcs

OP posts:

diddl · 19/08/2013 10:54

So again, possibly a husband problem??!!

Too late for you to go to the wedding alone?

(if you wanted to)

fuzzywuzzy · 19/08/2013 10:55

Tell her you'll drop her gift/card whatever over on Friday and have a quick drink with her then as planned and you hope she'll have a fab meal.

TylerHopkins · 19/08/2013 10:55

You go to the wedding with the kids and leave the sour faced DH who doesn't like weddings to go out with his mum. You'll have a better time at the wedding without him.

DuelingFanjo · 19/08/2013 10:55

Your husband is the problem. In this case I would go alone (with kids) and tell DH that he has to choose between an already fixed plan or his mother.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 19/08/2013 10:56

Well dh can go out with his Mother and you and the kids can go and have a lovely time at the wedding.

If he hates weddings and will have a face liked a slapped arse would you leave him at home?

Keep saying no to MiL and don't give in to any sad face she may pull.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/08/2013 10:56

Can your Dh not go to his mothers bday meal and you and kids enjoy your friends wedding.

Squitten · 19/08/2013 10:56

Tell your DH that he can go to MIL's party if he wants but you and the kids are going to the wedding as planned.

Don't back down!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 19/08/2013 10:57

I love that we've all advised leaving dh with his Mother

GrandstandingBlueTit · 19/08/2013 10:59

What everyone else said.

Problem solved.

LadyBryan · 19/08/2013 11:00

Tell her you've already accepted the wedding invitation. To drop out now would be incredibly rude.

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 11:00

I could go to the wedding with the kids but it would mean not having a drink which I would like to!

My friend has expressly said she would love us all to come-she adores my dcs and has done so much for us. She has babysat lots,had them for sleepovers-something mil never does so I really don't feel I can let her down.

I know I just have to grow pair and stick to my guns but I hate being made to feel the bad one and mil and sil will love it and bitch about me.

OP posts:

TylerHopkins · 19/08/2013 11:00

I'm not saying this is the case with the OP but I really hate it when men won't stand up to their mothers and support their partners. Weak traits like this are a real turn off imo.

PoisonedApple · 19/08/2013 11:03

What everyone else said - where is wedding? Do you have non refundable hotel room booked?!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 19/08/2013 11:04

Stick to your guns.
Ignore any bitching, if they're going to bitch about you they'll do it regardless of whether you're there or not.

Could you take a taxi to the wedding so you could still enjoy a couple of drinks?

fuzzywuzzy · 19/08/2013 11:04

could you book a hotel or a taxi back, or arrange to get a lift with a friend who's going who lives near you?

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 11:05

Completely agree tyler-this has been a sore point with my dh throughout our entire marriage.

It changed a bit last year when I finally stood up to mil myself and told her that NO we would not be coming to dinner every frickin sunday!! Dh and I had a huge argument over that too.

OP posts:

pictish · 19/08/2013 11:05

So let them. Your mil is a self absorbed twat, and those who condone and encourage her are no better.

The wedding came first, and that's the end of it.

And I disagree that your dh should be left behind with mummy. He is not a helpless child....he too agreed to the wedding first, and in the sdult world it is RUDE to ditch a set arrangement for a better offer. He should know this.

It's a no - we are going to the wedding on that day. End of discussion.

VerlaineChasedRimbauds · 19/08/2013 11:06

Could you find a Travelodge or something near to the wedding venue and stay over in a family room? You can get some terrific bargains booked in advance. It could be a treat for the dc too. Then you can have a drink if you fancy it and get a taxi to the the hotel. Presumably, if your husband went too, you would be expecting HIM not to drink. Perhaps that's why he doesn't like weddings if he is always expected to be the driver!

pictish · 19/08/2013 11:06

Ooooh I think I remember your post! I had been every single fucking sunday for years had it not?
Mindblowing!

I will never do this to my grown up kids. NEVER!

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 11:07

I could get a taxi with dcs but would cost a lot and again I would like to have a drink! At least if dh is there we can share the job of looking after them.

All my friends that are going are bringing their dcs so wouldn't be able to fit us in their cars either

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