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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to go to the wedding?

65 replies

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 10:47

We have been invited to a very good friends wedding-dh,myself and dcs. Rsvp yes ages ago.

Mil 60th birthday is in the same week and she wants us all to go to a family meal. I told her about the wedding months ago and asked her not to book that date so she had plenty of time to organise it.

Mil is now moaning because she cant book x date because we have a wedding and she cant book x date because sil is working.

We have suggested going out on one of the Friday evenings instead and at the moment this is the plan.

BUT...I know mil-she has form for this sort of stuff and I just know she is going to pull a fast one and say that she cant do a fri and we must have it on x date and can we miss the wedding.

So ladies how can I prepare myself for this battle please?

OP posts:

Teeb · 19/08/2013 11:38

You are going to the wedding the whole family, as you've said you would. He really can't just not turn up, most wedding meals are what? £20/40 a head? How unbelievably selfish and ungrateful your DP would be if he just didn't turn up.

Agree with being surprised and hurt at your mothers lack of consideration or desire for you to be at her special birthday meal, say it will be a shame but nevermind.

DuelingFanjo · 19/08/2013 11:51

if it were me, drink or no drink, I would go just to show DH that plans cannot be changed just to suit a mother who was given plenty of warning in the first place.

You can choose to go to the MIL dinner and sulk and feel like your opinion doesn't count or you can go to the wedding and see your friends but not drink, and feel like you have made a very valid point to both your husband and MIL.

Sounds like he won't be choosing the wedding and I think you would be an idiot to just trot along to the meal, but if you're going to then you just have to suck it up because you KNOW you could make a different choice.

ENormaSnob · 19/08/2013 12:06

Your dh is pathetic.

JerseySpud · 19/08/2013 12:12

Tell DH to take the kids with him to MIL's meal and you go and enjoy the wedding

pictish · 19/08/2013 12:19

I agree Enorma.

How pitiful he would be to condone this manipulation and bullying from his mother, to roughshod over his wife, as though she doesn't matter a toss, and mummy trumps all.

How socially inept he would be to ditch the wedding for mummy and her control.

If he goes along with the cow on this one, then if it were me, I'd be rethinking the whole relationship.

It's not about a wedding, but rather a question of how weak and inconcerned he is, when it comes to the wishes of his wife.

I'd be sending him home to mummy's house for good, as I could not have a single shred of respect for him left.

pictish · 19/08/2013 12:20

unconcerned

diddl · 19/08/2013 12:26

Back to the OP.

"BUT...I know mil-she has form for this sort of stuff and I just know she is going to pull a fast one and say that she cant do a fri and we must have it on x date and can we miss the wedding."

To which the answer is don't be so fucking ridiculous of course we can't.

The problem is that your husband doesn't agree with you.

Imo. you have to go to the wedding.

Whether or not you can force him is another matter!

Oh, & depending on whose wedding, I might rather prefer a birthday meal with my mum!

LadybirdsEverywhere · 19/08/2013 12:35

None of you should ditch the wedding if it's only four weeks away - the bride will have paid for all your food. It would be very rude to ditch her last minute and it sounds like she would be extremely disappointed if you didn't turn up. She booked you first anyway.

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 14:39

Well this thread has certainly strengthened my resolve to make sure we all go to the wedding.

I just couldn't let my friend down like that so mil and dh are just going to have to like it or lump it

OP posts:

oscarwilde · 19/08/2013 14:47

Ask your SIL if she can swap her Saturday shift ? It's 4 weeks away fgs

oscarwilde · 19/08/2013 14:50

Plus - I would have a quiet word with your DH about the fact that under no circumstances will you all be pulling out of the wedding. Presumably he has benefitted from all this kind babysitting and sleepovers and would like it to continue ?

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 16:17

You mist be joking Oscar-there is no way sil would change her shift if she thought she was doing me a favour-we are not close!

OP posts:

Squitten · 19/08/2013 16:27

The real question is whether or not you are willing to put up with such an anti-social partner? I would be quite miserable having to attend every social function on my own forever. If you don't feel that it's a big issue then perhaps it's not worth rocking the boat.

Peronally, my DH would be told that he is expected to attend this wedding, as previously agreed, and that there will be repurcussions in your household if that doesn't happen, never mind with dear Mummy!

oscarwilde · 19/08/2013 16:53

Oh - if there's no love lost in that case, a gleeful call saying "looks like we won't be joining the birthday party for MIL as she seems to be adamant she is having it when we are away at a wedding. What. A.Shame. Have fun !!!"

Original poster

Pinupgirl · 19/08/2013 19:01

Yep after the good advice on here I have decided that if mil does try and pull a fast one then I will use "oh what a shame we cant make it but we will take you out after you return from your lovely holiday" line. I just hope dh doesn't kick off too much about it as our marriage is on a shaky nail as it is

OP posts:

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