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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off that husband has never got me a birthday present?

81 replies

goodgollygosh · 19/08/2013 09:54

Well there's more to it than that he has never got me a birthday present. But more so that he will buy thoughtful presents for every other member of his family!
I had nothing off him for my birthday not even a card from the children (yet on his family's birthday he gets them all those cards with pics of the children on). On Mother's Day I had nothing I made myself a card with the children yet his nan (mother is dead) got a picture card and framed picture of the children. Its now coming up to his younger brothers girlfriends birthday. She is a right cow to say I can't stand her is an understatement. She is very sly and tried to set him up with her relative and gave out his number. He has gone and ordered her £30 of items from benefit website. I could cry I don't even have any mascara and would love a benefit set! Its not even like they buy for us! He says its because they buy for the children (yeah cheap tat).
Tell me honestly am I being a selfish cow and sounding spoilt? I'm not so hope it doesn't come across like that I'm sooooooo generous to every one I just feel so unimportant to him (its always been like this).
Thanks ladies.

OP posts:

smallandimperfectlyformed · 19/08/2013 09:55

Have you ever asked him why he does this? YADNBU.

ENormaSnob · 19/08/2013 09:58

Bloody nora, yadnbu.

Does he even like you? Cos he sure as hell is showing otherwise.

Minifingers · 19/08/2013 09:58

I think that's utterly shit.

I'm really sorry for you.

Your dp is an inconsiderate lick-arse.

BigBrassBand · 19/08/2013 09:59

Sounds like you have other problems as well. I'd be upset about not receiving even a card, especially in light of his generosity toward others, but how does that sit in the bigger picture of your relationship?
Is he kind to you in general?
Does he treat you like his equal? Or with disregard?
Why did the brother's GF try to set him up with someone? Was this before you were married?

Libertine73 · 19/08/2013 10:01

What!!?? How have you not punched his face in given him hell about this before now? How long have you been together?

You making your own mothers day card is so sad :(

MintyChops · 19/08/2013 10:02

He sounds quite horrible. Sorry to hear this. I would ask him actually. Oh, and go out and get yourself the Benefit thing and give him the receipt.

OddSockMonster · 19/08/2013 10:05

What on earth does he do? Blindly ignore the fact that other people are sending you cards, etc?

Does he take you out as a treat or something, anything?

FreeWee · 19/08/2013 10:13

This is the least AIBU I've ever seen! No YADNBU! If he didn't do it for anyone fair enough but for everyone but you...? Does he even acknowledge your birthday?

NatashaBee · 19/08/2013 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pianodoodle · 19/08/2013 10:19

What no pressie?!

YANBU!

VodkaJelly · 19/08/2013 10:22

Do you get him anything for his birthday? What about your family? Does he buy for them or do they get ignored also?

RegTheMonkey · 19/08/2013 10:24

It sounds awful. Even if money is tight he can write a love note on a bit of paper and put it in your purse or handbag. But it doesn't sound like money is that tight if he can spend £30 on make up for his brother's girlfriend. It seems really odd that he just ignores you this way and doesn't treat you occasionally. Sorry.

chesterberry · 19/08/2013 10:24

Does he expect and receive gifts from you on his birthday and father's day? If so then YADNBU. Unless there has been some agreement between the two of you not to get gifts for each other's birthdays then I can't see why he would not buy you anything - has he always been like this even when you were a new couple?

You are definitely not being selfish/spoilt and I think you need to sit down and talk to him about this and ask why he doesn't ever to something to mark your birthday or mother's day.

Original poster

goodgollygosh · 19/08/2013 10:37

Thanks ladies! Ive always felt like I'm being out of order feel slightly better now.
He is a wanker to be honest when it comes to priorities. He would stand back and let anyone treat me like crap I dare say. He knows its my birthday but has never bought me anything. The first birthday I had when we were together we went to Liverpool for the weekend. I'm a huge beatles fan (HUGE) but he ruined it for me by him refusing to leave the hotel and being horrible to me. We got engaged on the first night in the cavern but he didn't want to tell anyone because he didn't want to upset the girl he was sleeping with before me (who was engaged to someone but he was shagging her for 18mnths). I should of left him then but I was in love (I'm obviously the wanker now eh). When we got back she messaged him asking if we were engaged (heard through his friend) I asked him if he would just tell her yes and not to text him anymore but he wouldn't. The list could go on really. He would never go out for a night out with me or introduce me to his friends yet this girl he would meet up with on nights out and take her back to his friends houses for parties etc. he used to be in a band and she would go watch. He wrote loads of songs for her but has never written a song for me. Gosh it sounds dreadful and is making me cry. But I can't dwell on all that shit (am I going for the post with the most swearing) because I've put up with the dire situation.
What I guess hurts the most is that when I was 6 my mother got together with a 17yr old (she was 17yrs older than him) he is the same age as my brother! (They are still together now). Well his birthday is the day before mine and such a huge fuss was made for his birthday but I had about 5 cards and no cake and one present.
Sorry everyone I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself today. Thanks for being so nice!

OP posts:

Original poster

goodgollygosh · 19/08/2013 10:40

I always buy gifts on his birthday and Father's Day I would never not do so because I love to give and enjoy picking presents for people. My family I always buy for. The children we buy for equally. Money is fine he works full time and he is a club singer. I've spoken to him about it loads of times but end up feeling like I'm acting selfish.

OP posts:

Squitten · 19/08/2013 10:41

Oh I think you should dwell on it. A lot. I think you should think long and hard about how your husband treats you and whether this is what you want for your life. Life is too short to waste it living in misery.

pianodoodle · 19/08/2013 10:42

Sorry if i've missed a reply somewhere but how long have you been with him?

pianodoodle · 19/08/2013 10:43

I'd stop buying him presents for a start! And get yourself one.

ImperialBlether · 19/08/2013 10:43

He is horrible! You poor thing, having such a shit husband. It's not just the presents though, is it? He doesn't sound like he's a partner at all.

Have you thought about what life would be like without him? (Bloody lovely, I would think!) Oh and I'm in Liverpool - I'll do the Beatles things with you if you come up again!

OddSockMonster · 19/08/2013 10:45

It's not your birthday today is it?

chesterberry · 19/08/2013 10:48

To be honest it sounds like you have bigger problems than just the gifts, are you happy in your relationship? I think I would be feeling sorry for myself too and, even if I enjoyed picking things out for him, I would definitely not buy him a present for at least one birthday so that he has a taste of what it feels like. If he is making you feel selfish for even bringing it up that is really sad and it is definitely not selfish to expect a present from your husband. Does he buy a gift at christmas?

Original poster

goodgollygosh · 19/08/2013 10:49

Been with him 12yrs. I am quite unhappy to be honest. I'm making positive changes in my life to give me a confidence boost. I've lost weight 17lbs in 5wks. I still have 3st to loose but am determined. I've had my hair styled with a fringe, treated myself to some clothes.
He explains Mother's Day away by saying I have the children with me and his mum is dead (fair enough but my father is dead). I had a £5 box of chocolates off my mum for my birthday this year and he ate most of them(have besides my mum a sister who I don't see and a brother who I don't see).

OP posts:

Original poster

goodgollygosh · 19/08/2013 10:52

Christmas we don't buy for each other because we have the children to buy for. I can't fault him with the children he is brilliant and is very generous.
No it's not my birthday today, its just all risen to the surface for me because its his brothers girlfriends birthday next week.

OP posts:

OddSockMonster · 19/08/2013 10:57

Other than 'he's good with the children', what are you gaining from this relationship? Because it doesn't sound like very greatt at all from what you're saying.

Original poster

goodgollygosh · 19/08/2013 11:01

Not much at present to be honest oddsockmonster.

OP posts:

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