Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Getting annoyed with my in laws after returning my daughter following a 5 day visit

81 replies

Mirflet · 17/08/2013 14:12

Naturally suspicious and a bit annoyed of what has a gone while my 4 year old has spent 5 days at the in laws as part of the summer break. Here's why:

she started to tell us not to argue even when we're not

she has mentioned that she must always tell the truth, this makes me suspicious. She's always told the truth before and never had to state up front she was telling the truth
she has been eating nothing but custard creams and strawberry mousse for lunch
she hasn't been outside for 4 days
she has a sun tan and painted nails, what next tattoos and a pierced nose!!?
she takes 36 hours to come down off the sugar high

OP posts:

maja00 · 17/08/2013 14:17

Sugar highs are a myth so wouldn't worry about that - she's probably just excited and out of sorts.
How do you know she hasn't been outside for 4 days and has only eaten biscuits? And who cares - presumably 5 day visits to the inlaws isn't a frequent occurence?

FannyFifer · 17/08/2013 14:18

Sounds like she had a ball.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 17/08/2013 14:18

Is that what your daughter has told you?

SofiaVagueara · 17/08/2013 14:19

YABY

Children get spoilt when they are at their grandparents. It's the entire point of grandparents.

The language you use 'suspicious' is really unpleasant. Your D goes to her grandparents, like most grandparents they let her get away with murder and spoil her and this makes you 'suspicious'? Why, suspicious of what?

My happiest childhood memories were of going to my grandparents and being spoilt rotten sounds like she had a nice time and they made a fuss of her.

SofiaVagueara · 17/08/2013 14:19

*YABU even.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 17/08/2013 14:19

How did she get a sun tan if she hasn't been outside? [puzzled]

If she's on a pious, truth telling bent, I would insist that she tells you the truth about what she's been up to!

LingDiLong · 17/08/2013 14:20

You really believe the custard creams and not going outside thing? If it's come from a 4 year old I wouldn't. Sounds like you're reading too much into the first 2 points. Suntan would worry me as it might indicate a lack of Sun cream - did you send her with any? Painted Is she happy though? Has she had a good time? If so, just be grateful your ils were kind enough to have her for 5 days.

Shrugged · 17/08/2013 14:20

Are you saying she has a fake tan?

I wouldn't sweat the nail varnish. My male toddler is wearing some.

mum11970 · 17/08/2013 14:21

If she hasn't been outside for 4 days, how did she get a sun tan?

LingDiLong · 17/08/2013 14:21

Oh yeah, suntan but not going outside...huh?!

LindyHemming · 17/08/2013 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eyesunderarock · 17/08/2013 14:23

Sounds like indulgent grandparenting to me, everyone should have a little in their lives as a treat. being reminded to tell the truth isn't worrying to me, being told to keep secrets isn't.
She tells you not to argue? What's the trigger for that? When you raise your voices? Or is she just saying it at random moments, to remind herself that truth is good and arguements are bad?
Suntan. do the ILs use sunscreen on her?
Painted nails, more grandparent fun.

gordyslovesheep · 17/08/2013 14:23

oh well - don't use them as free week ling childcare next time lesson learnt

*NB I imagine most of what she has told you is not true and am also confused as to how she got a tan indoors

Tweasels · 17/08/2013 14:23

Eh?

mynameisslimshady · 17/08/2013 14:24

Did they fake tan her TOWIE style or did they have her indoors on a sunbed?

None of it is that big a deal really. I can't see why you are annoyed, they aren't supposed to parent her, their job is to spoil her and indulge her a little.

gordyslovesheep · 17/08/2013 14:25

oh and hello and welcome to MN btw

Iamnormalish · 17/08/2013 14:26

SO are you saying your ILs put the DD on a sunbed??

I am confused. How can she have a tan of she didnt go outside?

I think you need to not be suspicious but read between the lines of what your 4yo DD is telling you.

She is probably telling you a mishmash of the highlights and boring bits - from a 4yo point of view.

IE: She had more biscuits and treats than usual and was bored when they stayed in one day/afternoon/evening or didnt go out as much as she wanted or is used to.

softlysoftly · 17/08/2013 14:26

You are comparing a sun tan and nail varnish with tattoo

And she has a suntan but hasnt been outside

No not getting it, also take what children say with half a ton of salt unless its REALLY worrying. We had an amazing holiday, did different things every day, really enjoyed it.

Yet we got home and her auntie asked DD1 (nearly 4) what we did, apparently she stayed in and did building blocks with the baby every day

nkf · 17/08/2013 14:30

Gah! Don't be so silly.

SofiaVagueara · 17/08/2013 14:31

I assumed it was a fake tan.

SaucyJack · 17/08/2013 14:36

After five days free childcare YWBU to complain about anything short of them lending her to Gary Glitter if you're asking me.

Eyesunderarock · 17/08/2013 14:39

A good wash, a bit of nail varnish remover and a couple of days of sensible eating and she'll be fine. Think of it as a holiday for both of you.
How is your OH responding? Does he think your outraged horror is reasonable?

fabergeegg · 17/08/2013 14:49

I wouldn't be happy, either. But then I wouldn't let DD go away for a five day visit unless I was absolutely sure of what would be happening. GPs don't automatically have overnight rights unless they've earned them in my opinion.

If you mean that your DD has had a fake suntan put on, that's bang out of order. You probably don't want her to become sophisticated and image conscious so quickly. It should have been checked with you first, especially as the product is very drying on a child's skin. The nail varnish I wouldn't take issue with.

I don't know that I'd believe her re custard creams and strawberry mousse for lunch. I would check that with PIL. If it's true, it's not on. Not for a five day period. It's not fair to your DD. If you want her to go on a low sugar diet then that is what should happen, although I agree that a little bit of spoiling is par for the course. Sugar highs aren't a myth as anyone who has fed a child skittles will know.

I would ask for more information from PIL regarding the comment that she should always tell the truth. It could be completely fine but it would be worth inquiring if this had been said because it was thought DD had lied. I would also check that her story about not having been outside is accurate because children do need exercise every day.

Children need stability, good food and a healthy lifestyle. If they're going it be spoiled, it should be done in a way that doesn't leave them worse off - cooped up on a sugar high being decorated like a doll is not in a child's best interests. Grandparents may like to spoil, but they need to balance that against responsible, kind treatment.

AnneUulmelmahay · 17/08/2013 14:51

You should absolutely never ever ever let her go to her grandparents again.

Fgs they even spoke to her about being truthful, how dare they, awful awful people. Especially when there's no way your four year old would embellish or reinterpret events. Pshaw, tchuh!

Crowler · 17/08/2013 14:52

Is it a fake tan? I'd not be pleased with that. Otherwise, YABU.

Flip

1 2 3 4