To want to kill the fucking, selfish bastard ??!

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

He's lying there, flat on his back with his lips flapping in the breeze making a noise like a stuck pig.

I have poked, yanked, tugged, elbowed and shouted. He shuts up for a few seconds then rolls back into position and starts again.

I'm so bloody tired I feel sick.

I actually hate him right now

I've always wondered if grating soap into a snorers open mouth would work.

YANBU.....same here. I just tried to suffocate DH with a pillow. I am moving in 5 mins to toddlers bed!

My solution long term - ear plugs.

Short term. Wake him up and direct him to the sofa/spare room/bathroom floor.

You have my sympathy.

are you talking about the love of your life snoring loudly?

I'd say killing him is a tad harsh. but revenge may be justified!
sue him for noise pollution, causing emotional distress and grievous mental harm.

can you sleep elsewhere?

Fucking ridiculous, I can't even decamp to the sofa because they're two fecking seaters and I already have a sore neck.

Surely I wouldn't be jailed for murder if I recorded the smug, flappy lipped fuckwit no judge would condem me ??

Lady long term use of earplugs are not good for everyone!

I'm actually not allowed to use them because I have very slight hearing loss due to hyperacusis and earplugs would make matters worse.

OP my other suggestion of course is to LTB!

Surely I wouldn't be jailed for murder if I recorded the smug, flappy lipped fuckwit no judge would condem me ??

Off, Scot Free!

You may even get a book deal.

Apocalypse

you could plead temporary insanity...you might be ok

You have my sympathy - dh snores no matter what position he sleeps in.

I use foam earplugs, a pair a week for the last 20 odd years

1. walk downstairs
2. open sewing box
3. Remove pin from sewing box
4. walk to bedroom
5. get into bed and feign sleep
6. "accidentally" apply sharp end of pin to bollocks/penis (delete as appropriate but I recommend bollocks as apparently they do get random pains in them so is more believable)
7. Feign being woken up when he hits the roof and use this opportunity to drop pin down back of bed. (Swearing at him for waking you up helps here, the more angry you are at being woken the better)
8. Repeat as needed. IME 3 days is all it takes, he will learn to sleep on his side as soon as your arse hits the mattress. Or he might decide he has exploding testicles and cant sleep for the worry, either way......you win.

And to top it all I've just been for a pee and was serenaded by the sound of my 12 yr old snoring, two bleddy rooms away.

I feel such a failure, I'm partly responsible for breeding someone who will be eternally hated, beaten and glared at by everyone he ever shares a room with

And now I'm weeping and wheezing thanks to bogeyface

that'd be a great sketch for Stupid Deaths on on Horrible Histories!

Death : and you MrApocalypse how did you get here?
MrA : well I was snoring loudlybone night, again...
Death : yeees?
MrA: and my good lady decided to end being tortured...
Death : and?
MrA : and she sat on my face till I could breathe no more!
Death : mwahahaha! oh how stupid! off you go, you are through to the afterlife! sat on his face!

I feel like going for another pee and shaking myself over his face Zing, satisfying and if I forget to get back the death would at least be deemed accidental.

His lips are still flapping, the flappy lipped twat.

can you tape his mouth shut but stick a straw in each nostril so he will not suffocate?

(you must take a photo and link! )

Lip flappy snoring is the worst. My mum actually belted my dad in the face once after several nights of that! To this day I dont think he knows how he got a fat lip in his sleep :o

Seriously, pin to the bollocks works! If you are very clever and he is a heavy sleeper, you can attach the pin to his pants/pyjamas and then when it pricks him you can say, hand on heart, that it wasnt you!

@ balls acupuncture! !!!

No, no, no...you've all got it wrong.

Pick up pillow.
Put it on his face.
Hold it down.
Bury him under the patio.

Simples!!!

Record him, then play it to him tomorrow when you have the inevitable 'please stop the snoring I want to kill you chat' where he will say that he can't be that loud. Pin to the bollocks or a sharp elbow sounds good

OP you have my sympathy.
My dp hasn't woken once for the baby. when I finally get the baby to sleep I can't get back to sleep because of his snoring. To make matters worse he's decided to sleep horizontally with the duvet. He's on the sofa tomorrow got sure!

If your 2 seater sofa's have loose cushions, can you make a bed on the floor with them?

I had snore rage myself so many times, but for some reason he has stopped snoring the past few months. There is hope!

My dh got up to the loo and woke me and the cat up. Dh manages to get back to snorey land, the cat is doing stereo purring. I'm going to have to get up and give cat his breakfast soon or he will bother me until I do :( dh is on his side now for a while at least ;)

Btw yanbu. Try the pin

I normally record him, then wake him up by playing it next to his ear very loudly. He can go back to sleep in about 20 seconds flat, which is annoying, but not as annoying as me taping his nostrils closed with a peppa pig plaster.

DH is snoring loud enough to wake the dead. At home I'm sleep in the spare room but we're on holiday so I 'm stuck in the same bed. holidays are not a rest for me