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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not taking your children to the doctors ever is a red flag?

61 replies

Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:09

Yes there is more story to this however my main question is above..

A friend down my street has come to me and asked me about a certain other house, because anther one of my friends children always plays with title mentioned children.

Her and her sister (both live down my street) have noticed that no matter how sick this mans children are he never ever takes them to the doctors. One of them is his next door and they chat and he has admitted he never takes them.

Now two of his four children have suffered from really bad toncilitus to losing their voices etc and he still did not take them to the doctors (admitted by himself) and all four of his children still toilet in bed (again admitted by himself) the four children living at home are aged between 4-10 there is another who lives with grandparents, yet none of these 4 children have been to the doctors about their toilet issue or illness.

I know I said there is more however I would like to see firstly Aibu in thinking this is strange and is a red flag towards how these children are being looked after?

Mother does not live wih them nor see them

I can add more if it would help however.

OP posts:
QOD · 16/08/2013 22:10

I don't know, some people just don't, they let the child fight infection

gallicgirl · 16/08/2013 22:13

That only works to a point though and I think most parents would see a GP in those circumstances.

Are there other pointers towards neglect?

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:13

Forgot to add he buys them medicine just won't let them see a doctor

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:14

Well I received a letter from my GP asking me to go and see her because she hadn't seen me for about 5 or 6yrs.

I could count on one hand the amount of times my kids have seen her (apart from injections).

But if you're sure they have suffered from really bad toncilitus to losing their voices etc...and that's not just idle gossip (remember this gossip is what...3rd hand?)

Then yes, of course he should take them.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/08/2013 22:17

My dd didn't see the doctor for tonsillitis either and although she has been to the doctors on the odd occasion I believe in letting them fight infection and only going if it doesn't clear after some time.
As for the toilet problems maybe it is something to do with their mother not being with them and other professionals may be involved, or he might have sought advice through a call to the doctors. Our doctor likes you to ring for consultation if you are not sure you warrant an appointment.
There could be several reasons he doesn't use doctors, not an immediate red flag for me.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/08/2013 22:18

It might be in this case. Not in general though.

I have never taken dd to the doctor and she's 15 now. She's healthy and has a yearly medical at school.

tywysogesgymraeg · 16/08/2013 22:18

The first time my dd saw the doc after the usual baby vaccinations etc, she was 16, so I don't think that's a problem.

Using the bed as a toilet is, however, but not necessarily something for a GP.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/08/2013 22:19

How come this man is telling you that his children wet their beds? That seems strange to me - are you very nosy?
As to not going to doctors, some people prefer not to unless the illness is really serious (broken limb, not breathing etc.) Tonsilitis mostly gets better in a few days with or without medical help.

tryasimight · 16/08/2013 22:20

Who has he 'admitted' all of this information too?

Why do you 'know' all of this stuff?

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:20

There are rats in the back garden from a mountain of rubbish, no bedding on beds, broken TVs, wardrobes on floors, the eldest 10 cooks all the dinners and is sent to the shops alone gone 8pm, the 7 year old male has been caught rubbing a girl in a very sexually way ( dad told and responded kids being kids), often he tells the kids there is no food for dinner as he does not get paid till the following day for him to be seen hours later coming home from the shops with beer,coke and fags.. The 10 year old girl again out till 11pm In fact she asked my next door in front of me if her son was coming out to play at 10:20 on a school night, dad never walks to school even though one is year 1 and its over a 20 minute walk (its half way to my child's which is a 40minute walk)

He was also told a few days ago to keep eldest girl in his view at all times due to there being a few reports of people trying to take children and his response was " she's fat and ugly no one would want her"

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 16/08/2013 22:20

Ds2 didn't see a doctor between the ages of 14 months and 8 years. If he was sick I nursed him through it. I only go to see the doctor if it's something serious that I can't handle myself.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/08/2013 22:21

Call SS

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:22

Riiiiiiight

And what did Social Services say when you called and reported all this OP?

ChunkyPickle · 16/08/2013 22:23

We very, very rarely went to the doctors when kids (and even then, it was for concrete things - stitches, verrucas etc. I don't remember ever going because I felt sick).

Wetting the bed at 10 is unusual, but not unheard of - and perhaps the dad doesn't realise it's even something the doctor might be able to help with.

It's a tough call, if they all seem fine otherwise, perhaps he just has a much higher bar for 'sick enough to take to the doctor' than other people?

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:23

This has all come to me from his next door, the lady across the road, the lady who lives next to her and the lady next to myself...

All the stories I have heard match up but obv I cannot be 100% sure.. Thus why I'm asking on here..

We are all quite close down this street will pop in to visit coffee, kids play together, help out babysitting in emergencies,watch each others pets etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:24

Worra I have not called SS that is the issue half of me says if this is not all 100% what's the point the other half says shit if this is all true and to be honest I hope it's not SS need to be there now

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 16/08/2013 22:25

I think the lack of seeing the GP about tonsillitis is the least of those kids worries.

So are you going to continue to gossip, or are you going to lift the phone and call social services?

UriGeller · 16/08/2013 22:25

Ok, that's a completely different matter. If things are that bad, I'd be calling Social Services. Not taking them to the GP is not the deal here.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:25

You sound like a bunch of gossiping guillotine knitters to be honest

All pointing and whispering about this man in hushed tones

Yet not one of you has done a thing about it...am I right?

Bunbaker · 16/08/2013 22:26

Wow. Some of you are so lucky. DD has had loads of serious health issues. Our local children's hospital was our second home for over three years when DD was little. She has been so unlucky healthwise and has been blue lighted to hospital once, had a tracheostomy, had a double hernia operation and for a (horrible) time the doctors suspected bone cancer and she had to undergo every scan possible, endless blood tests and biopsies. Thankfully the problem was something else that she will hopefully grow out of.

Given my experience of parenthood I find it difficult to believe that some children have never been to see the GP for something.

Sirzy · 16/08/2013 22:26

And of course your so worried your posting on Mumsnet rather than phoning social services!

edam · 16/08/2013 22:26

Never mind the doctor stuff, what you've just described IS neglect. You should call Social Services.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:27

Well if it's not true then SS will shake his hand and walk away

Of course that means you and 'close neighbours' will have to gossip about someone else.

Pick up the phone or stop gossiping

It's that simple.

BiBiBroccoli · 16/08/2013 22:27

well its pretty clear you should call social services isn't it? Not sure why you even asked about the doctor thing with everything you then listed in your last post. no docs can be for all sorts of reasons but general neglect needs to be reported rather than speculated about by a load of stangers on a website.

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:28

The only things I can 100% say are true as I've seen are;

The mountain of rubbish
Kids being out at a stupid time of the night alone
The daughters being very shy and down trodden
All in clothes too small
The dad shouting and swearing at the kids
And the eldest son trying to get into my back garden

Everything else is what has been told

OP posts: