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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not taking your children to the doctors ever is a red flag?

61 replies

Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:09

Yes there is more story to this however my main question is above..

A friend down my street has come to me and asked me about a certain other house, because anther one of my friends children always plays with title mentioned children.

Her and her sister (both live down my street) have noticed that no matter how sick this mans children are he never ever takes them to the doctors. One of them is his next door and they chat and he has admitted he never takes them.

Now two of his four children have suffered from really bad toncilitus to losing their voices etc and he still did not take them to the doctors (admitted by himself) and all four of his children still toilet in bed (again admitted by himself) the four children living at home are aged between 4-10 there is another who lives with grandparents, yet none of these 4 children have been to the doctors about their toilet issue or illness.

I know I said there is more however I would like to see firstly Aibu in thinking this is strange and is a red flag towards how these children are being looked after?

Mother does not live wih them nor see them

I can add more if it would help however.

OP posts:
MyDarlingClementine · 16/08/2013 22:28

oh dear, often threads like these pop up where an op describes dreadful abuse of children and the op seems to be worried about what to do.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:28

And yes it's absolute bollocks to write an OP about him not taking the kids to the doctors...and then drop that lovely little bombshell in the middle of the thread.

breatheslowly · 16/08/2013 22:28

I don't remember going to the doctor's as a child - this is pretty common for the children of doctors. And it wasn't that I was treated for illness by my DDad as he wasn't a GP or relevant specialty, just doctors don't seem to take their own children to the GP until they are really ill, so it probably isn't a terrible thing.

If you look at the guidance here there doesn't seem to be any point in taking a child to the doctor for tonsillitis unless it persists as antibiotics are the only thing that they will give you, but they probably don't help most of the time.

As for not being dry at night - the threads that I have read seem to indicate that it is a hormonal thing. Yes I would take a 10 year old to try to do something about it (I think 7 rings a bell as the age to start investigating), but even then it is likely that the 10 year old will eventually be dry at night without intervention.

I'm not sure what you mean by "won't let them see a doctor". If he goes to a pharmacy and buys OTC stuff for them, does he follow the pharmacist's advice and if suggested take them to the doctor. There is a push towards going to a pharmacist as a first port of call to free up GPs' time.

TeddyPickleStick · 16/08/2013 22:29

And you've not called SS for what reason?

Sirzy · 16/08/2013 22:31

So carry on ignoring it then op, keep on gossiping instead and leave the children living in a potentially abusive home.

I can't understand why a) you felt the doctor thing was the most important part and b) why the hell you or a gossiping buddy haven't actually tried to be proactive in getting the family help!

PeriodFeatures · 16/08/2013 22:31

YANBU. The doctor stuff is a red flag, ~Some of the rest is concrete evidence of neglect.

Numberlock · 16/08/2013 22:32

Is,this a regular poster? I smell BS.

breatheslowly · 16/08/2013 22:33

Sorry - didn't see the rest of the posts about what really does sound like neglect. I would contact SS, but probably not start with the "he doesn't take his children to the doctors'" angle.

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:33

Evidently from some of the posts I should not of posted at all, I have not personally spread any of the info given to me apart from posting here now.

I hope it's all made up and as harsh as it sounds just nasty things being said for the children's sake but would SS listen to me saying I heard this? That's a worry I don't want them to think oh just another gossip call which is why I asked what you would think if you had heard/been told l of this...

I shall ring SS in the morning and hope that the lovely friendly people are lying and the children are all safe and happy... I seriously would not of asked if it was not playing on my mind

OP posts:
x2boys · 16/08/2013 22:35

even I always go for tonsillitis I get it maybe 1/2 /year but if I don't get penicillin within a day I get abcesses and all sorts?

Original poster
Chattymummyhere · 16/08/2013 22:36

Numberlock I have posted before just not often...

Had a horrible next door (who got evicted not before time)
About holiday rentals
About teaching daughters to shave etc

I am however mainly one who views the threads rather than posting as when ever I do I seen to get accused of things

OP posts:
Flatasawitchestit · 16/08/2013 22:40

It appears he isn't meeting the needs of these children potentially, and maybe he just needs some support if the mother isn't around?

Not taking the children to the dr if it is true is actually quite cruel as tonsillitis is fucking painful, and can at its worse cause other things like quinsy.

Either way I'd be calling SS.

In the meantime maybe you neighbours could pop a casserole or some other meal around to give a hand?

TheCrackFox · 16/08/2013 22:41

I really think you need to phone social services. They are not child snatchers and may well offer this family some support.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:43

Well if the '7 yr old rubbing a girl in a very sexual way' is true

They've probably been known to SS in the past anyway.

Unless the girl's parents didn't think to ring them either?

SolidGoldBrass · 16/08/2013 22:43

This sounds more like a hate campaign against someone who has a relaxed view of parenting and/or has offended one of the smug, self-righteous twats who live in the same road.

insanityscratching · 16/08/2013 22:44

My lot don't go to the Doctors very often although they are adults now Ds 1 hasn't needed to see a doctor in the last 9 years and has only been twice in the last fifteen years and probably only ever been a handful of times since he was a baby. My others are much the same dd aged ten has been once outside of her immunisations. They are never all that ill tbh and generally a couple of paracetamol have sorted them out. However when ds1 had appendicitis and ds2 had intussusception I took them straight to A &E because my instincts told me they needed to be seen.
Some children are generally fit and well and don't need repeated Dr's visits to confirm this. Our GP would laugh if you suggested that she should be concerned because as a family we rarely see her tbh.

PeriodFeatures · 16/08/2013 22:46

So carry on ignoring it then op, keep on gossiping instead and leave the children living in a potentially abusive home

that's not totally fair or helpful. O.P needs to be clear in her mind that her judgement is correct. That is why she is asking for people's views on here.

There is a difference between safeguarding issue and lifestyle difference and this isn't clear to everyone all the time and it helps to discuss concern in an objective rational way -. Including (and sometimes especially) middle class do-goodery ('call ss straight away- how shocking') types.

I would suggest you ring through your concerns O.P. I'd be surprised if this family are not known to services already.

It is also GOOD that people are talking with each other about this family. someone will call and people are keeping an eye and will be aware if anything changes. So 'gossiping' is a way of people discussing and sharing their worries. Sounds like healthy commuinty functioning to me.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/08/2013 22:49

I feel sorry for the OP here. She was just uncertain and wanted advice. I can understand why she hesitated in phoning SS since most of it is what she has been told by others. I agree that not going to the GP is the least of it but sometimes when we are bothered and write it down it does not always come out in the best way.

OP you sound like a caring person. I think that you should phone SS. You can make it clear that you do not want to spread rumours but that you have heard things that make you concerned.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 22:49

that's not totally fair or helpful. O.P needs to be clear in her mind that her judgement is correct

No she doesn't.

She's listening to (and repeating gossip) about his family

She either cares enough to make a simple phonecall and let the experts investigate, or she doesn't.

It's that simple.

Fairyegg · 16/08/2013 22:59

Even from the list of things you know 100% to be true you should be phoning ss to report. It's their job then to decide if there's an issue or not. The kids might not even be registered with a doctor.

PeriodFeatures · 16/08/2013 23:06

*She either cares enough to make a simple phonecall and let the experts investigate, or she doesn't.

It's that simple*

It's not a simple phonecall though. Her concerns will need to be communicated clearly to the duty worker, to do this she will need to be completely clear about what those concerns are.

This attitude really annoys me actually. People are not supposed to discuss worries or talk among themselves when they are worried about children in their communities, they just pick up the phone and 'leave it to the experts' to deal with then get on with their lives.

It's people that have these conversations that actually lead to children being safeguarded. Social Services can't act in they don't have information.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 23:07

Oh come on, from what she's gossiped about typed, it's a no brainer.

PeriodFeatures · 16/08/2013 23:07

..If OP hadn't talked to her neighbour the info wouldn't have been complete.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 16/08/2013 23:12

I think part if the reason people are finding this one fishy is that it's the mother of all drip feeds.

'He doesn't give them Calpol if they have a runny nose should I tell SS?'

'Oh and,they're all covered in dog shit and he beats them with a stick'

PeriodFeatures · 16/08/2013 23:17

I will read it again but I don't understand why this would not be a genuine post. It's the kind of stuff that i've heard around places i have lived and worked and 'normal' sort of garbled drip fed info that comes through on duty desks all the time when people are worried about a child and have been for a while (from what i understand anyway)

Will have another read though to be clear i haven't missed anything....(often i don't read stuff very well admittedly!)

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