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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What's the most pampered/indulged behaviour you've ever seen?

634 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 16/08/2013 12:08

When I used to have a proper job , one of my colleagues would phone her mom at the first spit of rain to go and fetch her washing in. This was about 8 miles from the office (so who knew what the weather was like at home?) abd a 4 mile round trip fir the mom and dad (mom didn't drive).

SIOB that the parents would do it!

She once called home and asked her to go and wash up a breakfast bowl as she had run out of time to do it.

OP posts:

ZutAlorsDidier · 16/08/2013 14:58

I find people like this very uncomfortable to be around. The worst ones, obv, are the ones who think everyone is their slave. but even the ones who aim at some element of reciprocity are just difficult people for me. people who think everyone always has to be driven somewhere (even if it is a pleasant short walk) are the very worst: people who think there is an innate element of danger (or perhaps unseemliness?) in a woman walking somewhere, or worse, going somewhere alone.

EatingAllTheCrumpets · 16/08/2013 15:02

thurlow DH actually enjoys having a chat with the hairdressers and is happy to do so. If he wasn't then I wouldn't get my hair done. I would never force him to do something he wasn't comfy with or wasn't happy to do. That's not how we work. If he's at work I will either rearrange or my dad will take me. He'll do some internetting or read a book, again I'd never ask him to stay if he had other things to do or didn't want to.

SinisterSal · 16/08/2013 15:03

Would you not just go to the hairdressers yourself?

MaxPepsi · 16/08/2013 15:04

To go back to the wine thing.

I got the impression that MIL thinks it's the 'posh' thing to do which is kind of linked to it being a generational thing.

However, and this is where I might sound a bitch, my family, especially my dad's side are posh and there is absolutely no way my mum would have done that. Yeah my dad would pay and go to the bar and pour it if he was sat next to her but not come from the other side of the room to do it.

I on the other hand get annoyed when people pour my drinks - I prefer not to add wine to my glass if there is some already in it and like to pour my own so I can get my share I don't have to wait

BlazinStoke · 16/08/2013 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 16/08/2013 15:06

So what happens if the daughters of princesses don't happen to find anyone who wants to marry them? Or at least not on those terms?

And what happens when they go off to university?

Actually, I can answer that last question. I am a university lecturer.

Ime somebody who has been brought up with the whole princess idea doesn't suddenly switch it off because they have no legitimate claim on the people they are thrown in with: if they have had people run around after them clearing all stones out of their path, then they think that is what their tutor should be doing too, not to mention their fellow students and the scholar who wrote the article on their dissertation topic which they quote from without referencing- the idea that they should do their own work is just totally alien to them.

quesadilla · 16/08/2013 15:06

ZutAlorsDidier totally agree with you about this.
My MIL (who thankfully lives on the other side of the world) is even worse, she has this view not only that there's an innate danger in a woman walking anywhere, she can't understand why a woman would ever want to leave her home (apart from to go shopping).

nomorecrumbs · 16/08/2013 15:06

These are hilarious.

I can't compete, but MIL still buys DP's clothes. All of them. He's 27 and has never bought a single item of clothing off his own bat. I took him into a changing room the other week and he couldn't remember what to do.

I don't mind...it saves me money

thegreylady · 16/08/2013 15:08

When my dh[now deceased] was at uni in the 60's he posted his washing home to his mum every week and she washed it ,ironed it and sent it back!He always said no one could iron his shirts as well as his mum could!!!

HandMini · 16/08/2013 15:08

The thing that gets me is the implication that there are things that you dont find very fun to do - such as making a cup if tea or running down to the shop or managing your finances - and someone else does those "nasty" things for you. All the time. As a matter of course. Unless you're doing the same back for them, I think you have little respect for the people you're always asking from.

mignonette · 16/08/2013 15:09

I watched Gwyneth Paltrow walking towards and into the Chelsea Arts Club whilst one lackey held an umbrella over her head and another carried her handbag. Not sure what happened to her arm function. Or her sense or reality.

Several people were open mouthed with amused contempt.

HandMini · 16/08/2013 15:12

It should be called a "someoneelse'shand bag" in her case

EatingAllTheCrumpets · 16/08/2013 15:13

blazing probably a bit of both, though I've never asked them.
They have always treated me very well, and I got plenty of things and love when I was younger but I had to work for the things and allowance etc. I knew the value of the things I got.

Now I'm older an out in the big wide world they do what they can to make my life easier. Surely any parent would.
My dad does it because he loves me and also I think guilt because he was quite abusive when I was younger. My mum just because she loves me (I hope!!)

DH knew I was going to be hard work from the get go. He still dated me and still married me. He is my rock and I would never do anything to push him away.

It's why I'm getting help, so that my parents won't worry and they won't have to do so much for me. And also for my DH, so he can get some time off too.

quesadilla · 16/08/2013 15:14

eatingcrumpets I have a degree of sympathy for you but only up to a point. I had a friend at school who was very princessy and spoiled and underneath it had severe depression and mental illness which didn't come to light until she was at university. I know that sometimes "princessiness" (for want of a better word) can mask real problems like anxiety or fear or depression. Its to know exactly how limited you are as we don't know what this medical condition is. If its severely limiting I apologise.

But the idea that comes across in some of these posts (not sure how many were yours and how many were threesy's) is that people have some sort of right to behave like a spoiled princess if the people they love are willing to indulge them.

I just think that's wrong on several levels. One, because how can you have any real self-respect? Two, because what happens when these people are no longer around to look after you? (your parents, unfortunately, are statisticaly likely to die before you. Lets hope your husband will always be around to support you but let's also be realistic, they don't always stick around and its good to have a back-up). Three, because of the example you are setting your children, which, frankly, won't help them make their own way in the world, especially if they are girls. And four, because its highly irritating for other people who suddenly have to fit into this.

If you do struggle with life for whatever reason then I can sort of understand that its easy to slip into being very dependent. But you also, as an adult, have to try to take control of the situation as best you can. There are people who struggle with severe disabilities who manage to be surprisingly independent. I think some of them would be a bit shocked to learn that people are so willing to be so dependent on someone just because they can be.

NaiceHamIsNaice · 16/08/2013 15:14

I'm finding this thread really informative. I didn't realise other people were like MIL. Lots of things have dropped into place now. I can't really post about them because they are very identifying. But thanks all, I know it started as lighthearted, but it's been very useful.

Kerosene · 16/08/2013 15:14

My partner and I are pretty equitable about things - I cook, he cleans, style of wotsit. But his mum still buys a lot of his clothes for him, because it's just so difficult for the poor dear. She drives for three hours to a shop in our town that he walks past twice a day. She does the returns too.

We're getting married in a few weeks, and I think she's trying to hand over responsibility for his socks to me. My view is that he's 30 years old, has an Amazon Prime account and can choose his own bloody socks.

MrsRachelLynde · 16/08/2013 15:14

Have been reading this with interest and I can't help noticing how often threesy uses the word "expect".

Anyway...

My dad is the laziest person I know. My mum does everything apart from the driving; she always has. She never let us cook or do our own washing when we were growing up, she said our schoolwork was more important. Which is true but only up to a point. So I was unleashed onto the world completely clueless, but I soon learned how to look after myself and I would never expect anyone to run round after me!

My dad however takes full advantage. My mum will take him a cup of coffee in bed in the morning, because "it takes him an hour to wake up properly". Last time she said this I said why didn't she try setting for to the curtains and see how long it took him then . When they come to stay mum will offer to wash up etc but dad just sits there and expects to be waited on. They came to stay for days after dd was born, I'd had a section so was quite sore, and I was fetching him drinks! Two knackered new parents and he didn't offer to lift a finger, dh was furious. And then last time they came I went to put dd to bed and we discovered that our room was full of midges. So we were running about trying to get rid of them, make dinner, move dd's cot and get dd to bed and he didn't even come upstairs to see what the commotion was

If my mum dies first he has got a massive, massive shock coming to him.

Sorry for length. Guess I needed to vent!

mignonette · 16/08/2013 15:15

Hand .. Along with -her ghostwriters-- name on her book jacket evil ...

MrsRachelLynde · 16/08/2013 15:19

That should be setting fire to the curtains

Thurlow · 16/08/2013 15:19

I do remember DP asking my mum who iron his shirt before our graduation ceremonies at uni years a go. It was the first time he'd met my mum. She asked him who'd ironed all his shirts while he was at uni. He admitted he hadn't ironed a shirt in 3 years as his mum did it for him before he left home. Bless my mum, she did it for it, but kept staring at him and shaking her head sadly

He's fine now!

I agree with others that there is an implication that people who won't make their own tea etc because they don't like doing it, they think that it's fine for someone else to do it. That sounds little beyond the usual 'DW does most of the cooking because she enjoys it'.

That and the use of the phrase "don't want to do it." That's a huge difference! "I don't want to do it so I won't"...

strokey · 16/08/2013 15:20

I worked abroad a "mothers help" pay like an au pair, but lived out luckily. One of the women had me peel grapes and tangerine segments for her picky four year old. I also had to wash and iron the bedding EVERY DAY, and turn down the sheets on the parents bed. She used to come home from work and check for dust up on the tops of doors and things, then I would have to serve her tea in a teapot on a tray, then she would sit drinking it while she ordered me around. One time she asked me to spend the day wearing in a new pair of shoes she had bought... I fucking hated that woman. When I left I also left the country and I stole something very expensive from her, which paid for a lovely holiday to get over the stress.

jimijack · 16/08/2013 15:21

My very best friend works full time, has an 11 year old & a 6 year old.
Her mum (lovely lady) gives both kids breakfast and drives them to school everyday.
Then she goes to my friend's house does all the family washing, drying & ironing. Cleans the house and makes a meal for them coming home.

She takes grandkids away on holiday twice a year to give my friend a break.

She babysits any evening she wants her to.

My friend is not a princess, imho is sensible taking the help & support offered by her doting mum. They are a very tight family unit. Have to add that friend does all sorts for her mum too.

I am very jealous as I have no one and I would love to be a princess for a day

BlazinStoke · 16/08/2013 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 16/08/2013 15:21

Crumpets is the Queen! She doesn't carry money! She must be! Or maybe she's Kate!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 16/08/2013 15:23

See my Mum would do almost ANYTHING for me if I asked. Washing, ironing, shopping etc...but I don't ask...because she's 65 and should be doing things for herself now. I think THAT'S what people are getting aerated about Crumpets

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