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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about Health Visitors?

52 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 21:45

DS is 20 months old.

We have had a letter from the HV saying she would like to come and see us on Friday "to see how you are all doing"

AIBU to wonder if this is a routine visit as it doesn't make any reference to any specific checks, and as far as I can tell he isn't due a visit until the 2 - 2.5 year check

Is this normal and routine?

OP posts:
ChocChaffinch · 13/08/2013 21:47

probs just a random checkup,
don't think I had one of those

idiotic HV system gets my goat.

YouTheCat · 13/08/2013 21:48

Maybe she's trying to get in early? Grin

I wouldn't worry about it. Unless you keep your child locked up under the stairs or something, all she can do is give you advice which you can choose to ignore.

Panzee · 13/08/2013 21:52

I had the best HV experience today. I was near the clinic so thought I'd pop in as boy hasn't been weighed since 3 month check. Weight done, all fine. "How's it all going?" "Fine". "Weaning yet?" "No, probably in the next week or so." "Are you happy you know what you're doing" "yes" "ok bye". Brill.

mumofweeboys · 13/08/2013 21:53

Hi

My Hv often comes at random times (we are normal family no social services ect). I love my Hv she was amazing with ds1 and his possible adhd so I really enjoy her visits

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 21:53

Well, the thing that is worrying me is that a while ago, DH and I had a huge row which ended in me calling the police and them calling an ambulance. DH has smashed the french doors with his fists in temper and cut his hands up.

No action was taken (the police were lovely, checked I was ok, got him to stay at someone elses and said they could see it was just a row and he had just damaged his own property) but DS was in the house when this happened. He was asleep upstairs and slept through it (which is odd given if we sneeze normally wakes up)

I'm just a bit worried this has flagged something up somewhere and we are getting a check.

I know that it is great they check and the right thing but I just feel a little worried

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 21:55

She's a lovely HV and I like her. We haven't seen her since DS was tiny so it just seems a bit of a coincidence

I appreciate we now sound like some sort of Jezza K family, but it really was a one off and there is no history of that sort of thing Blush

OP posts:
fuckwittery · 13/08/2013 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emilythornesbff · 13/08/2013 21:58

She is likely to have been informed about the police attendance and has a responsibility to see whether you and your child are ok.

Fakebook · 13/08/2013 21:58

My DS was given his 1 year check up at 9 months. He's 19m now so will probably see him at 21 m for his 2 year check up.

YouTheCat · 13/08/2013 21:58

In that case it is really a good thing that she is popping round.

What if you weren't okay but didn't know what to do?

Is your dh doing anything about his awful temper?

Fairyegg · 13/08/2013 21:59

Yes, she would have seen the police report of the incident and now has to come and check that all is ok with you and your dc. It's good she's doing her job. They may also come and see you if your child goes to a&e, especially for stuff like burns, overdoses, falling down stairs etc, just to offer practical and safety advice and to check that you and child are ok.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 21:59

Ok

I thought it might be linked and just feel a bit worried about it.

But things are fine, it is a one off and I am happy to see her so she can see that for herself and I appreciate the need to do it to make sure DS is fine and it's not a situation that is likely to re-occur or escalate.

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 13/08/2013 21:59

You did the right thing by calling the police btw.
I would have shit myself if my DH had done that. Thanks

MissMuesli · 13/08/2013 22:00

My health visitor rang when my dd got a head injury at 9 months old. I think they have to if you child is flagged at potentially being "at risk" which is DV incident might have made you. All you can do is be honest.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 22:01

It was scary

To DH's credit he is going on a course recommended by Relate and it is not normal behavior for him at all. He has been suffering from depression for sometime and things boiled over.

OP posts:
Doingakatereddy · 13/08/2013 22:06

Of course it's bloody linked.

Your DH got so aggressive, you called the police - who then called emergency medical help as your DH had been so violent he'd injured himself. The police then got DH to go elsewhere.

All the time there was a CHILD in the house.

Your DH is VIOLENT. FFS- is it linked. Wake up

MrsMook · 13/08/2013 22:08

I had to take DS2 to Children's A&E with breathing difficulties a few weeks back, and they had a notice in the waiting area saying that they notify HVs of A&E visits.

MissDuke · 13/08/2013 22:11

Yes it will be linked. However they clearly haven't flagged it as 'urgent'! I would be inclined to not have dh there when she comes as she will want reassurance from you that all is fine - and obviously if he was there, she would wonder if you were afraid to say anything negative in front of him. Has he had any sort of anger management therapy? Was there anything else going on to trigger his actions? I would be as honest as you can with the hv, she is there to help!

FutTheShuckUp · 13/08/2013 22:16

The aim of the visit is to try and ascertain whether DV is an issue in the family and offer any support or referral to relevant agency's. make sure DH realises this, may make him think twice about flying off the handle

fuckwittery · 13/08/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 22:19

He does realise as I have shown him the responses on the thread

There is not DV and it really was a one off which he very much regrets, so we will just be open and honest with her about things. DS is happy and thriving and I am sure she won't have any concerns. I just feel a bit sad about it but appreciate the need for the visit.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 13/08/2013 22:24

What about emotional abuse? You don't have to be thumped to be at risk.

PasswordProtected · 13/08/2013 22:33

I nannied, between doing other things, for an HV. She was lovely as were her children, but she was totally useless with them. She used to say that it was far easier to give advice to other people.
We are still in touch and she still tells me that I was much better with her boys than she was.
I just think I loved them for who they were, but was able to dole out discipline as required or make them understand what was acceptable.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 22:40

No honestly

Few issues we are working through together but nothing abusive. Some control / jealousy issues but we are sorting them out.

There's no abuse, emotional, mental or physical and the violent outburst really isn't normal behaviour for DH

We have been together 16+ years and it really is a one-off

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 13/08/2013 22:49

In what way was she useless? Or do you just mean she wasn't great with discipline. Your comments sound a bit harsh about her tbh.
And what does it have to do with the op?

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