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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about Health Visitors?

52 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/08/2013 21:45

DS is 20 months old.

We have had a letter from the HV saying she would like to come and see us on Friday "to see how you are all doing"

AIBU to wonder if this is a routine visit as it doesn't make any reference to any specific checks, and as far as I can tell he isn't due a visit until the 2 - 2.5 year check

Is this normal and routine?

OP posts:

jammiedonut · 14/08/2013 09:23

Is it the same hv you had when ds was younger? I only ask as my dm is a hv and when she inherits a new caseload she always schedules visits, even if they deviate from the normal routine as a way of introducing herself. I wouldn't be surprised if it is linked to your incident with the police, but there's no need to fear the visit. Just be open and honest (if you want to have the visit- they're not compulsory), and use it as a good opportunity to have a chat. She can then tick her boxes and take you off her list of concern (if you're even on it!).

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 14/08/2013 09:32

I had a HV visit after dd2 had two hospital admissions in a few months.

She was rude, and made terrible assumptions as to why 'such a beautiful girl had needed to be admitted twice in the first nine months of her life'

Then I told her that one was for tripping into the skirting board, and the second was after we were the victim of a hit & run!

She asked if I had any proof of that, and I showed her the letter saying the driver had been charged with various offences and would be in court the next week.

Then I showed her the door.

They have a job to do, and I understand why we were flagged, but she was vile.

You've also been flagged for a reason, so be polite, but don't be treated badly by her.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 14/08/2013 09:52

It is the same HV DS had when he was little. She is very nice. I am just going to be open and honest with her and hopefully she will be re-assured that all is well

OP posts:

justanuthermanicmumsday · 14/08/2013 15:48

Imatot I don't particularly like health visitors unless they have kids of their own I sort of cant help but have less respect for them. I don't show any lack of respect I'm not rude. but to be honest apart from one health visitor who was superb the others were younger than me. So young I thought lov you don't have a clue I feel like rubbish with baby blues, and here you are reading lines from a baby book that I swear I have upstairs.

my kids all have Mongolian blue spots its more common in people with darker skin. So they all have bluey purply bums and some go up the waist too. I remember one hv who seemed way too nice always smiling, I always thought cut the crap dear we all have days where we don't want to permanently plaster a smile on our faces. Anyway in regular weigh session she casually remarked did you drop your baby. I stayed calm and said that's Mongolian blue spot see its all over her back and bottom too. A she quickly apologised. Yes they have a job to do but I duno she's known me for a few years it just made me mad that she would think I'm capable of beating my kids up. It's a false relationship there is no relationship between hv and parent. I would rather deal with a midwife for a few weeks than a hv.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 14/08/2013 15:52

Op you should chill out treat it as a regular visit if any false accusations are thrown be honest, defend your corner. Smile keep calm and let her out the door.

ilovecolinfirth · 14/08/2013 16:12

The red book says you should have a review between 18 to 27 months. I reckon that's all its about. X

ilovecolinfirth · 14/08/2013 16:20

Justanuthermanicmumsday, that's such a shame that you feel like that. At the end of the day, she was just doing her job - to try to subtly find out what the marks were. Unfortunately it sounds like she wasn't subtle enough.

When I was pregnant a birth-mark on my belly stretched very large and turned bright purple. Midwives (some with children, some without) questioned it, and in fairness it could easily have looked like I had been hit. It didnt bother me, as their concern was the safety of my child and me.

theodorakisses · 14/08/2013 17:50

I never post on these threads usually but I could have done 1, 2, 3,4 times being a victim. No children involved. Was still horrible

theodorakisses · 14/08/2013 17:51

Drunken and mortified after.

everynameistaken · 14/08/2013 18:53

Yes it will be linked. HV will have got notifacation from police. However, take comfort from your comment 'a while ago'. If she was really worried she would have been knocking on your door the following morning. That or a phone call to arrange a visit much sooner. I think she will be 'box ticking' - it's her job to check everything is ok following a notification.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 14/08/2013 18:57

Thanks everyone for the comments - it was over a month ago so it's clearly not been flagged too urgently and of course it's best they check everything and DS comes first

I will just answer any questions open and honestly and let her know how things are going

OP posts:

LimitedEditionLady · 14/08/2013 19:09

We had our hv about that time for ds routine hv.It was just a case that they had time to do it earlier.Dont worry hun,there was no reason for ours to be early so dont see why itd be linked x

choccychoccylover · 14/08/2013 19:36

you seem to be protesting a bit too much, I hope all is well

YouTheCat · 14/08/2013 19:55

Tbh, Catgirl, it really doesn't sound like his behaviour has improved at all since last year.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 14/08/2013 20:32

I know YouTheCat :(

But he is doing this course, seeing a counsellor and taking anti-ds so its going in the right direction

OP posts:

CoffeeOne · 14/08/2013 21:45

It will be linked but she will be coming to offer support and check you're both ok. Don't let this put you off calling the police in future if something happens again, that's the best thing you can do at the time to protect yourself and your child.

YouTheCat · 14/08/2013 21:54

So long as he's doing something. Hope it all works out.

mumofweeboys · 14/08/2013 22:05

Hugs depression is awful esp as blokes tend to hate talking about their feelings. A friends wife kept badgering him ( in the nicest possible way) to try and get him to talk as he was very down. He ended up flipping and taking a window out because he got so frustrated and just wanted to be left alone - this was a guy who never even raised his voice usually so there can be one off cases

mumofweeboys · 14/08/2013 22:07

Plus the Hv might be able to get you more support (sure start grops ect) so you can keep helping your oh.

LimitedEditionLady · 14/08/2013 22:09

Catgirl1976 sounds like your oh is making positive steps to change his behaviour. Im sure your visit will be fine and you have nothing to worry about. X

wigglesrock · 14/08/2013 22:27

Yes, it's linked - the Police (certainly where we live - NI) would have passed on a brief report on the callout to Social Services. Any domestic incident where there is a child in the house is reported to Social Services.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 15/08/2013 06:21

Thanks everyone

The depression is hard to live with (and hard for him) but its been a long time and he's now finally doing things to tackle it so things are getting better.

OP posts:

redexpat · 15/08/2013 09:16

Sometimes it's good to know that there is someone coming to talk to YOU, to listen to YOU, especially if you're dealing with stressful circumstances. She might know of support groups for you, or useful organisations.

Original poster

catgirl1976 · 16/08/2013 20:03

It was linked

She was lovely

Spoke to both DH and I about support and told DH about lots of Dad and Child groups if he felt isolated in the week

She had no concerns and is not going to visit again until the 2 year check but has given her number in case we need her

She really couldn't have been nicer or more helpful and was not judgmental at all

OP posts:

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 16/08/2013 21:06

Catgirl, :) i'm really glad.

How did DH feel, did he find it helpful too?

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