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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Argument with girlfriend

70 replies

jimbogills · 13/08/2013 13:03

I've spent the last few years saving a deposit to buy a house.

I'm now about to buy a house.

my gf has little to no savings so has no prospects of buying or even going halves with me on a joint mortgage.

I was gonna buy my house and she was gonna move in. all lovely and exciting.

now all of a sudden she's concerned that if we break up, she'll be left with nothing.

I asked her if she expected me to give her some portion of my house if we ever broke up and she said yeah. she also asked why I can't just put her on the mortgage.

I just feel so incredulous at the request that I've basically just told her to get bent.

am I being a dick here or is she bang out of order?

if we moved in and she was paying half the mortgage I could understand but all along its been discussed that it'll be me who pays the mortgage and she contributes to bills, etc. mainly because she earns about 50% what I do so can't even afford to pay half of all the costs anyway.

OP posts:

libertine73 · 13/08/2013 13:24

Aaahhhhh, in that case.....Sorry OP!

It's a tricky one, but personally,I wouldn't expect to go onto a mortgage if I wasn't paying into it. However, could she not pay less bills and some of mortgage? I can see how she may want some security?

UnexpectedStepmum · 13/08/2013 13:27

So, Jimbo. Are both threads true?

SaucyJack · 13/08/2013 13:28

YANBU.

If she isn't contributing to the mortgage, then she shouldn't expect to take anything from it in the event of a break up. Paying her half of bills and food is not the same thing at.

aturtlenamedmack · 13/08/2013 13:31

Oops-sorry op.
I don't blame your gf for wanting some security, her income will be configuring towards the house.
Either you need to charge her the going rate for room and board as you would a lodger or she needs a stake in the house and you need to be clear which.

aturtlenamedmack · 13/08/2013 13:32

I assume by contributing to bills etc you don't just mean paying her share?

Clumsyoaf · 13/08/2013 13:32

Oh dear Jimbo.... August aint a good month eh??? Tell her to do one - so how did it end with Mrs Jimbo?

quoteunquote · 13/08/2013 13:33

Why does your girlfriend not feel secure with you?

And answer some of the questions above if you want people to take you seriously.

IslaValargeone · 13/08/2013 13:34

If she makes no financial contribution she could save the money she would be paying in rent/mortgage so she has some security for when OP tells her to 'Get bent'

YouStayClassySanDiego · 13/08/2013 13:34

If I've read it wrong OP I apologise, so what did happen with your Wife then?

littlewhitebag · 13/08/2013 13:34

So my first post still stands then. Phew. Hate being suckered.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 13/08/2013 13:40

I think she's bu. If she is only contributing to bills and food I'm not really sure why she should get a share of the house if they split.

I was in this situation with dh many many years ago, that's what we did.

DuelingFanjo · 13/08/2013 13:40

If she is contributing to the mortgage then she should get something legally written up to reflect her contribution in case things go wrong for you as a couple. Seemingly she won't be though.

If you don't want this then let her live there rent free or create a formal tenancy agreement with her.

Onesleeptillwembley · 13/08/2013 13:41

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juneybean · 13/08/2013 13:43

Not sure why people can't take a post at face value instead of searching their names.

waddlecakes · 13/08/2013 13:44

It's been 2 years people. So things ended with his wife and he now has a girlfriend.

OP, your girlfriend is being completely unreasonable. It would be a different case if you were married, or engaged, or had been together for 10 years.

But there is absolutely no reason why you should work hard, save for a house, buy one, and have what could potentially just be a transient girlfriend having a stake in your property through no fault of her own. You do not get something for nothing in life, and that goes for property. This is no longer the 50s, where women need to be given 'security' by their partners. If she would like security, she can start saving for her own one day, or add something to yours. Stick to your guns.

mynameisslimshady · 13/08/2013 13:48

I am taking it at face value.

He is buying a house. He is serious enough about his girlfriend to be moving in with her. She asks for a bit of security to protect herself so she doesn't end up homeless on the whim of the op. Instead of sitting and discussing her fears and solutions to protect them both he tells her to get bent.

Did I miss anything?

SaucyJack · 13/08/2013 13:52

Yes, slimshady

You missed that the gf has done absolutely nothing at all in regards to providing for her own security.

If it was a man who expected to live with his girlfriend without paying a bean towards mortgage/rent not to mention was demanding half in the event of a break up, you'd be calling him a cocklodger. I really don't understand why there's apparently no such thing as a cuntlodger instead?

mynameisslimshady · 13/08/2013 13:54

I'm not saying she is entitled to be on the mortgage or get a share of the house.

I'm saying her fears are valid and if they are serious enough to be moving in together then they should be able to have an adult discussion and come up with a solution together without him telling her to 'get bent'.

Original poster

jimbogills · 13/08/2013 13:57

Both stories true. Don't know what more I can say really!

OP posts:

nemno · 13/08/2013 13:59

In the circumstances described by the Op, no I don't think the GF should be entitled to any part of the house.

KellyElly · 13/08/2013 14:00

Not sure why people can't take a post at face value instead of searching their names Everyone gets a bit suspicious during the school holidays

QuintessentialOldDear · 13/08/2013 14:01

Does your GF have a job?

firesidechat · 13/08/2013 14:05

On the bare facts as given then I don't think she should go on the mortgage, but it's very hard to say for sure without more info.

I also agree with SaucyJack that if the genders were reversed then most people would be telling the OP to protect their interests.

BOF · 13/08/2013 14:07

This reply has been deleted

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YouStayClassySanDiego · 13/08/2013 14:08

If it's only a short while since you left your Wife and you're having concerns about not staying the course with your current gf then don't move in with her.

Neither of you sound 100% committed.

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