to be getting pissed off at people thinking an elective section is the easy option

[wonderingifiam2013]

I had a very traumatic near on 40 hour labour which ended in an EMCS.

I believe it saved my baby's life, and although we were both ill and in hospital for a while afterwards - thankfully all is ok now.

I decided (and DH strenuously agreed as he said he never wanted to see me in such a mess ever again!) that if we ever decided to have another child - I would opt for an elective section.

I'm now pregnant with #2 and the midwife has agreed with me that a section is the best option as it couldn't be guaranteed that the same thing would happen again - I'm just waiting to see the consultant.

Now I know they don't mean to be so thoughtless ... but I've since had 'ooh you've got the Posh Spice option now haven't you as you've had a section before' and 'when do you find out if you can have the section YOU want'? 'Oooh - are you going for the too posh to push option?'

This annoys me greatly as I'm not taking this decision lightly. And don't consider it to be an 'option' - but a very researched and practical decision. It's major surgery and I'm not looking forward to the recovery with a lively toddler running around!

I'm now doubting my choice that I've been 100% set on for years. Am I stupid for thinking I'll cope afterwards with a toddler and a new baby? Am I taking the 'easy' option?

Or should I stick to my guns and TRY and ignore the insensitive comments being made about ELCS's?

ELCS isn't the easy option. There is no "easy option" where giving birth is concerned. Anybody who thinks otherwise is a bit dim.

You either have the crap during labour or have a CS and have the crap to deal with afywrw

afterwards.

My friend just gave birth naturally, pictures of her walking baby in the park 2 days later. I was off my feet 4 weeks after DS, due to a wound infection.

CS is not an easy option. It is essential for me due to medical history.

Don't let other people's cheap jibes unsettle a decision you feel is the best for you. I honestly think some people are so dim, they hear you are having a c-section, vaguely remember reading something about 'too posh to push' in the Daily Mail or some other quality publication, and parrot it because they think it's something to say. They don't even intend to be offensive, it's just knee jerk.

My only child was born by ELCS, and it was a peaceful, positive experience with an uncomplicated recovery and resulting in a beautiful, healthy baby. That didn't stop a couple of people feeling the need to point out to me that I hadn't, according to them, given birth at all. Fortunately, I am an extremely rude person.

Ignore them, you stick to what you know is right. Your choice has nothing to do with them.

Don't answer people if they ask and if they say insensitive things explain that it is hurtful and tell them why you are opting for a elcs.

It's not an easy option. I could have written the bit about the 40hr labour and EmCS and recovery. I was in the position of an open choice for DS2's birth. I'd say that the ElCS was a "safer" option for estimating recovery, I went for the VBAC gamble and came off with middling success. The labour was much better but it did resort in forceps and a 3rd degree tear, but at least not another EmCS. It was more painful than the CS, but I felt ready to live properly and drive much sooner.

Both VB and CS have risks and associated complications and recovery and all you can do is choose what is best for yours and baby's circumstances.

I think there are very few people who are "too posh to push" and most people who chose an ElCS do so because of very real physical/ mental health concerns. CS is certainly not a vanity option on the NHS.

I had a EMCS with DD, it saved her as she couldnt go on, since i had both a terrible pregnancy and labour, a ELCS would be a practical option for me.

Dont let anyone make you second guess yourself, its your body, only you know how you felt in labour, if ELCS is the best option to get your baby out then thats what you have chosen.

I've had 4 "natural" deliveries for which I'm very grateful - major abdominal surgery the easy option errr what planet are they on!!!!!

To put it in context I know someone who has just had a tummy tuck, said it was nothing compared to her c-sections .

I should think awful tearing or similar causing long term damage/issues is comparable to a c-section.

Anyway YANBU.

I also had someone tell me that 'well, you didn't realky give birth...' which was a bit odd, as I was jiggling DS at the time. If I didn't give birth, how come I am holding my newborn baby and in maternity?

CSs have long and hard recoveries, natural births are also incredibly hard too. Basically, our bodies seem to want to make giving birth painful and difficult. If a CS means a healthier baby and a healthier mother, then great.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and birth of your baby.

I hope this will be a healing experience for you.

I had a crash section and me and my babe and also my DH was so traumatised afterwards too. It was fucking horrific.

If we ever had another I would opt for an elective, as I just couldn't face labour and vbac, with the fear of a crash section looming over my head.

As for those having an opinion as to how you should live your life? Let it run off you, they know nothing about you, or why you decide what's best for you.

Hope all goes perfectly for you all.

I had 4 natural deliveries,i was up ad about no problem.Last baby was a c section,i have never felt such pain or soreness.Even now 2 years on my tummy is not the same,still have cold spots.

For me the c section was the hardest thing ive ever done.
Who ever says stuff like that needs their head examined.

I'm in a similar situation (though no particular 'need' for second c section and midwife is pushing me towards VBAC). I feel like if I opt for ELCS people will judge me for taking the easy option. There is a sense in which it is easier practically (e.g. arranging childcare for DD and not having to deal with all the 'still pregnant' phone calls/texts/FB messages etc) but no way is it medically easier. Ok you don't have to deal with contractions etc but women who have epidurals don't either! I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I 'failed' labour first time around and need to somehow make up for it this time!! This is obvs insane and I should listen to what PPs have said.

so don't discuss it with them. Nobody's business but yours, however I do assure you that compared to long labour / EMCS, an elective really is a walk in the park - been there, done both and i was very grateful for the CS.

On a similar note I get pissed off at peoples attitudes to C sections in general.

It seems that the major medical procedure it is - is really under estimated/forgotten/ignored by many because C sections (elective and emergency) are so common.

An example: SIL had a laparotomy to remove fibroids etc. Big fuss made of her. 6 weeks convalescing etc. I was very sympathetic to her cause because I too have had 4 laparotomy ops (pre children).

5 weeks later I ended up having emergency C section - and was treated by relatives in a much more - well its just having a baby - everyone has a section these day - kind of attitude. The fact it took me a few minutes to get out of bed or I could feel the panic inside as I could feel a sneeze coming whilst holding baby - so unable to hold wound/tummy in time for sneeze - totally ignored. Moreless got treated as a drama queen. And I was pretty prepared as to what to expect - given my medical history.

I do sometimes think women are their own worse enemies though - because so many do literally minimise their section as childbirth (not that child birth in any form is a minor event) and hop out of bed and just get on with it - not realising alot of how they feel isnt just new mum tiredness but their body recovering from major surgery.

I know some of how I felt post section even 4/5 weeks on was exactly te same as how I felt post surgery before - obviously its harder to recover because you are being mum to baby too and hormones are all over the place too.

I do think you are right OP - some people do thing Elective section is the easy option. C Sections are such common place it has pretty much become the norm and people do seem to forget its a major medical procedure not without risks during and after.

Btw, I tell people I had major abdominal surgery the day I gave birth, and they look at me as if I'm mad until they twig that I had a section birth, and then they understand that it's not an easy option.

I mean you wouldn't be allowed go home with a new born baby a few days later if you'd had your appendix out!!

My mother told me I hadn't given birth, as it wasn't 'natural'! Thanks for that mum - some people really start talking before their heads or hearts are engaged :)

Who cares? Its not a competition, nobody else actually cares one jot about how you get your baby outbof your body. Its just conversation.
Chill out about it, everyone gets so worked up about this stuff, and it couldnt matter less in the long run. Its one day out of a lifetime.

Oh my goodness ignore ignore ignore. People are such maniacs about this sort of thing. I truly think you had the worst of all worlds - a long labour with all the hard parts of a vaginal delivery followed by an emergency c section. Surely that is the hardest type of labour? No one who had lived through that would accuse you of going for an easy option by having an elective c section. No two ways about it - a c section is major surgery and not an easy option, but a
Planned one is infinitely better for you and your baby than a crash one. My sister had a planned c section with her twins and it was a really positive experience - she raves about it even though it was quite a tough recovery. No-one could accuse her of being too posh to push - it was the right birth for her and for her babies, as it will be for you and your dc2. Wishing you best wishes and much luck in your
Pregnancy. Please forget all the silly people and enjoy this pregnancy and look forward to meeting your little one. X

People (women's) attitudes towards csections are a huge complex mash and often a mess of attitudes - cultural, emotional, often badly informed, and wanting a lot of time to assert that their ONE experience of a particular birth mode is THE ONLY experience that can be had.

You will never get the better of all that on an individual level. all you can do is come to a comfortable place with your own feelings and thoughts, and then develop a good economical way of dealing with people who are inappropriate and upset you.

FWIW - C section CAN be an easier option. It's easier than an awful traumatic vb that leaves the mother and baby with lasting damage and ptsd, for example. Obvs the problem is that without a crystal ball, you never know what kind of birth you will have.

I've had 2 planned sections, for which I was hugely grateful, and which were brilliant experiences with very quick recoveries, and no probs breastfeeding. It's worth bearing in mind that I was a good candidate for surgery - not obese, in good health, no allergies etc etc.

I've had all sorts of responses! from mums (usually privately) admitting they wish they'd had one - horror and sympathy from mums assuming it must have been awful for me - a few mums (the most unpleasant) who seemed to have a sort of 'if I've had to go through a vaginal birth, then I think you should be forced to too' attitude (weirdly these are the women who often seem to be very pro-vb in theory but have had difficult experiences).

Obvs a lot of other women don't give a monkeys, which makes sense to me!

So don't bother untangling other people's attitudes to cs. You won't be able to. You are not considering one to please them, and in any case, you won't please everyone. So work out a prepared line ('really, it's my birth and my baby, and I think it's best we talk about something else - ). Good luck with whatever you decide.

Well I'd say YA a bit U as you had a terrible time the first time so are going for an elective section as it will be easier for you.

So it is, by definition, it IS the easier option for you and I am perplexed as to how you are offended by people saying it is the easier option when that is the very reason you have chosen it.

May I present my credentials: I have had one emergency section after 24 hours of labour, followed by two electives. The electives were a hell of a lot easier than the labour with the first one. I didn't have any problems with the recoveries any of the times and I was fine post-op with a baby and a toddler (so long as I was careful).

My take on it is that an elective caesarean is not an easier option than an uncomplicated natural birth, eg go into labour at 9am after a good night's sleep, have lovely home birth on only g&a and snuggled up in your own bed with baby and tea and toast by 3pm, no stitches, no complications. But it's a hell of a lot of an easier option than a prolonged labour involving any or all of the following: induction, waiting for an anaesthetist that never arrives, back-to-back, tears, episiotomy, forceps, infections, need I go on?

And the problem is you don't know what sort of "natural" birth you will end up with. So you are doing the sensible thing and picking what it best for you.

Stuff what people say . . . hopefully you will get to enjoy having a baby this time.

A C-section has always been my worst nightmare as its SURGERY.

I have had one nightmare vaginal birth, one ok one (both under medical supervision with syntocin at 38 weeks due to medical stuff). I would pick both over a c-section any day!

Smile and agree - "yes it's absolutely brilliant, isn't it! Modern medicine is fantastic," skip off happily.

I has similar comments when I went for an ELC following a traumatic emergency section followed by two weeks with DD1 in SCBU.

I had 2 subsequent ELCs which were good experiences.

You will be absolutely fine. I'm in the US and c-sections, elective or otherwise, are hugely common here. In fact, my Dr thinks I'm crazy having had my daughter without an epidural! The attitude here is very much take whatever modern medicine can offer - none of the 'I didn't need drugs' etc that is common in the UK.

Do what you need to do for yourself and your family. I'd have a c-section too in your position. And I can pretty much guarantee that they'd have insisted on a c-section for you here.

Good luck.

I don't see any reason you should feel bad even if it is the easy option (easy compared to what you went through last time and might go through again, easier for everyone involved including hospital staff and baby). Usually easy implies there is a downside, but in this case you would be mad to go against your instinct and medical advice just to make something difficult, for no good reason at all.

I have to have ELCSs, usually people feel sorry for me, I couldn't care less. The only person I know who has ever called it easy is someone who takes the disabled lift up a single flight of stairs each day, just because she can't be bothered. I'm willing to bet the people making comments to you do not live their lives as constant martyrs making things hard for its own sake. Even if they do, that is their call, they have not been in the situation you are in, so they are irrelevant.

Stick by your guns, think how daft you will feel afterwards if you let these people bully you and you go through a horrible birth. They won't even remember commenting.

Do people really say that kind of stuff to others in real life? I could never imagine saying anything of the sort to someone having an elective c section for whatever reason. And I can't imagine anyone else I know saying it either.

As an aside, it annoys me that people always refer to Posh Spice being 'too posh to push'. Her first child was breech so she was recommended to have a section, and repeat ones for her next 3 children.

My 1st was emcs. My 2nd elcs. Neither was easy. Those who think otgerwise are fools and idiots. Or work in 'journalism' where apparently it's a fashion?! As if IMO