to be getting pissed off at people thinking an elective section is the easy option

[wonderingifiam2013]

I had a very traumatic near on 40 hour labour which ended in an EMCS.

I believe it saved my baby's life, and although we were both ill and in hospital for a while afterwards - thankfully all is ok now.

I decided (and DH strenuously agreed as he said he never wanted to see me in such a mess ever again!) that if we ever decided to have another child - I would opt for an elective section.

I'm now pregnant with #2 and the midwife has agreed with me that a section is the best option as it couldn't be guaranteed that the same thing would happen again - I'm just waiting to see the consultant.

Now I know they don't mean to be so thoughtless ... but I've since had 'ooh you've got the Posh Spice option now haven't you as you've had a section before' and 'when do you find out if you can have the section YOU want'? 'Oooh - are you going for the too posh to push option?'

This annoys me greatly as I'm not taking this decision lightly. And don't consider it to be an 'option' - but a very researched and practical decision. It's major surgery and I'm not looking forward to the recovery with a lively toddler running around!

I'm now doubting my choice that I've been 100% set on for years. Am I stupid for thinking I'll cope afterwards with a toddler and a new baby? Am I taking the 'easy' option?

Or should I stick to my guns and TRY and ignore the insensitive comments being made about ELCS's?

I've never thought a section was an easy option. I don't like the thought of surgery if it can possibly be avoided.

Have not read all replies but ignore them OP. I had a elcs after a traumatic first birth resulting in an emergency section. My planned c section was an amazing experience, and I am so glad i fought my corner for one. At first consultant appt they tried to dissuade me but I was adamant. Recovery was ok, minor infection which slowed me down and it wasn't easy with a three year old but I do not regret my decision for a minute.

Why the friffing fuck would you be so disturbed by morons who don't understand your medical history blathering on in meaningless slogans that you would be reconsidering your decision which is supported by your midwife?

Don't TRY to ignore the comments, do ignore the comments. Would you take their expert opinion on whether you should have your appendix out, over that of a medical professional? No, of course not.

You know your decision is right for you.

There is no 'easy option' for giving birth.

There is, however, a certain type of person who will choose to comment on others birth choices. If it wasn't the fact you were having a c section it would be the pain relief you choose or the length of your labour or your recovery time afterwards or a million other things thst have fuck all to do with anyone else.

Just ignore them.

For birth trauma reasons I had an elcs with ds, my second child.

A lot of people were horribly insensitive and kept badgering me about it, saying that second births were easier and I was just being daft (dd was 70 hour long induced labour ending in ventouse and I had awful pnd afterwards for two years, took me ten years later to even consider having another dc).

I found the elcs with ds to be one hundred times better than the awful birth I had with dd, despite having huge complications during it as they discovered I had undiagnosed placenta previa, and I lost 3 litres of blood and had two transfusions.

As the consultant joked to me afterwards- I don't do birth well! :)

But honestly the elcs was better and I found recovery better.

But that's not to say it's an easy option. It was just better compared to my horrible previous birth!

However, I still think there is something wrong with our attitudes to women and childbirth in general when something that is perceived to be an "easy option" (regardless of whether it is or not) is frowned at. Why shouldn't a woman choose an easy option for birth, however she chooses that birth to be.

It's almost like the old chestnut about pain relief in labour where a lot of people seem to think they deserve a badge of honour for giving birth without so much as a paracetamol.

No body should be proud to suffer during childbirth.

People don't mean any harm by their comments generally. Just making conversation. It is a hard decision, but it is yours and you have to make based on your experiences. I have just had elcs following emcs last time. To be honest the people who most thought elcs was the easier option I found were people who had tried for a natural birth previously and ended up with a section.
Regarding coping with toddler and newborn was my one concern. I have found my recovery much better this time around. Dp had 3 weeks off so that helped a lot. He was basically chief toddler entertainer. Once he went back to work toddler been to gp's 1 or 2 days a week. Other days been to the park which is luckily close by.

No, a CS is not an easy option.

I've has 3 ELCS and the last one 11 years ago has left me with numbness over the scar area. At the time, i had an infection which took 5 weeks to get on top of.
I use mediated talc every day over the area as I have a dip where the infection was. I could of had the scar sorted out, but I wasn't going to go through that again

I know my friend doesn't think of it as major surgery. She thinks she will be able to drive within 3-4 days post op.

Yep, there are no medals for doing it drug-free. You wouldn't go through any other pain in your life with no analgesia, so why childbirth?

Sorry, posted too soon!

Good luck to you. You know your body and what is best for you.

I have had an EMCS, a VBAC and an ELCS. None of them was an "easy option".

YANBU.

I had 58 hour labour followed by EMCS first time. So I opted for elective second time. I came up against a lot of resistance from NHs midwives and consultants but I stuck to my guns and had one. dd was only 18 months so dh took 2 weeks pat leave, thEn 2 weeks annual leave and my mum was about to help with dd, so I didn't lift dd for 6 weeks. I was ok to lift newborn. It's not the easy option but can say that having elective Csect was a lot easier than Csect following very long labour. So go for it and ignore the posh spice comments ! They are being insensitive.

There are no guaranteed outcomes in birth, including straightforward surgery.

YANBU to want the predictability of an c/s after a traumatic labour.

Worth remembering though that second labours tend to be massively easier than first labours. Some women find the experience of a straightforward birth with the second a healing experience after having a dreadful time with a first. Hope you don't mind me pointing this out. Just a thought.

I had an EMCS and when asked about it I sait 'I am too posh to push' sometimes. Shuts them up. People who matter know the real story.

A nurse called me a baby the other day because I'd had an ELCS!

I had medical reasons, not that its any of her business. I was too surprised to say anything but sort of half laughed thinking "she can't have just said that!"

OP. I had a planned c section and was surprised how terrible I felt for ages afterwards(!). I think this is because people tend to down play it because you've hopefully got the baby out quickly and with as few unexpected problems as possible. Now, those things are obviously v important but do not alter the fact that it is a pretty big operation.
I was staggered that I couldn't even get out of bed for 2 days without help and that getting up from a sofa was quite a rigmarole for several weeks afterwards.
Having said that, I then heard a few tales of labour and in my own very personal opinion, OP, felt like I'd been lucky.

Well for me it was the easy option, in that it was miles easier in every sense than giving birth naturally had been.

Of course it may not be for you, and isn't for everyone, so there's that point.

But what's wrong with the easier option anyway? If it's medically recommended. It's like people making a big deal of giving birth without pain relief as if there's some kind of medal available for dealing with more pain than the woman next to you who had an epidural.

They are all valid choices.

Might you be feeling guilty for going for a section and therefore letting these comments affect you more than is perhaps necessary? Sounds like the kind of thing that should be ignored/laughed off to me. And definitely no need to let other people's comments affect your confidence in your own choices.

The most important thing is to have a healthy mother and baby at the end! People seem to forget this. Forget about anyone else and to be honest don't discuss it with them. I'm probably going to have an elcs if I don't go into labour first. This is after induction, slow labour, fetal decelerations and emCS with ds. My dh and I are not telling anyone about elcs plan, even our families. It's our decision and our business!

Good luck OP

there's no such thing as an easy option when it comes to giving birth imo. However you do it you have to manage to get a baby and placenta out of your body

some people have better birth experiences but it doesn't mean that they had it easier than anyone else as they've still had to give birth.

I've had a rubbish natural birth and having a c section this time around and I don't care what people think tbh.

Tell them to fuck off. Seriously. I'm so pissed off with the way mothers are treated for having sections. A friend of mine is recovering following an emergency section delivery. Not only are members of her family treating her like a drama queen, they are suggesting she isn't a mother 'yet' as she can't look after her baby on her own. They think it's acceptable to remove the baby from the house- whilst she's asleep so they can play pass the parcel with visiting relatives at a nearby pub!
Nevermind that she needs to bond herself. I was furious and understandably went ape shit at the relatives in the house when I found out, but was completely astounded by the number of people, mothers themselves who think this sort of behaviour is reasonable. I literally thank god everyday that I didn't have to have a section. After failing to establish breastfeeding, an inability to have a natural birth would have been even more ammunition for those harpies!

I have spoken to women who said they wanted elective CS because they thought it would be easier (much easier, even). I didn't understand why, but not my choice to make. I don't think there is an easy way to have a baby.

I had an EMCS and was sick of being told that it was "easy". It left me with nerve damage, an infection that took 9 weeks to fight off and a terrifying moment in which I thought I would bleed to death.

Any time I have an idiot like this now, my DP and I launch into a perfect re-enactment of Coupling, Series 4, Episode 4. For those of you who don't know - get the DVD. I nearly wet myself every time I watch it!

"How about a natural appendectomy? Hmm? Down the barn? Scalpel warmed up in a cows armpit and it's a BIG HELLO to those perky little pain gates!"

It leaves them very confused...

There's a difference between an EMCS and an ELCS.

I've had one VB. I'll have an ELCS next time without a shadow of a doubt.

YANBU. But incidentally Posh Spice's wasn't elective, Brooklyn was breech, it was emergency, and at the time they used to advise you to have all your subsequent births caesarean if the first was.

There is very little research into WHY women choose to have an ELCS. But what there is, is interesting.

Firstly women who choose are more likely to be the most well off and best educated; the same group that traditionally are best able to understand and research health care treatment in other areas, and are generally regarded as being able to access the 'best' care out there. Its a bit odd that this educated group would make a choice that would put them or their child at risk.

Secondly, women who request an ELCS tend to follow a pattern in other ways; they are mostly to have had a traumatic previous birth, more likely to have a history of anxiety or other mental health issues, more likely to have been the victim of sexual abuse or rape, more likely to have conceived through IVF and more likely to want smaller families and be older. Which makes for interesting reading, and begs an awful lot of questions that are not being addressed due to a cultural reluctance to look at the evidence available.

If you start to put together things based on evidence rather than what Posh Spice did (or didn't do), then you get a very different picture.

So OP you are not unreasonable. It is never unreasonable to take an evidence based approach to medicine which takes account of both physical and mental health. It is however unreasonable to have an ignorant opinion on this based on the tosh that the press peddle as that have implications for the physical and mental health of women and not to their benefit.

If we addressed the evidence thats this reveals it would improve care for women who have ELCS, EMCS AND vbs...

... I do not understand why anyone wouldn't want to do that.