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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Number of partners

84 replies

fl85 · 13/08/2013 00:21

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I'm 28 and my husband is 34. We have been together since I was 23 and he was 29.

He told me quite early on in our relationship that he had not been with many other women (I was the 4th partner he had been with). Bearing in mind he is 6 years older when he asked me I panicked and told him I had been with 7 others. In reality 7 was the number I would class as relationships. If you take into account one night stands and friends with benefits the number is alot more. When we got serious I always wanted to come clean but I chickened out then as time has gone on it has never come up.

Recently my sister split with her husband and has been enjoying being single again over the last few months. Tonight she was at ours and we were just chatting and my husband happened to overhear her say that she had now slept with 25 people.

When she had gone he had a total go about how terrible it was that she had been with so many people and that I should tell her to behave better. I told him that I didnt think it was such a big deal and that 25 people wasnt that many anyway (she is 31). It caused a massive row and Im really worried now about what he would say if he found out my number (more than 25).

I dont think Im being unreasonable here but would like to hear what others think. He is in the spare room tonight after his outburst!

OP posts:

Winter123 · 13/08/2013 16:36

No one should judge you or your sister for how many people you have slept with, frankly it's your body and your business! I couldn't care less how many people someone has slept with, if they wanted to do it at the time and they did then good for them!

I have slept with 3 people and the third was my DH. If I hadn't met him at 22 I may have slept with more people!

Lavidaenrosa · 13/08/2013 16:46

You do not have to tell him unless you know someone else will. Numbers, for some people 5 is a lot, for other people 25 is a lot. I have never met someone telling me about treble figures, but I am sure they exist and they are probably happy. Each to their own and all that.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 13/08/2013 17:09

It's none of his business about your sister, and you should tell him to keep his nose out.

However, I don't see why he can't be interested in how many people you've slept with. People have different attitudes to these things, and it is not up to us to judge what they care about. The option on being asked is to either say it's none of his business or tell the truth. If he was that bothered would you have wanted to be with him? It's unfortunate that you lied about it, but I'd guess all relationships have white lies, or things that haven't been disclosed. Unless his reaction has made you question your relationship I wouldn't tell him now.

motherinferior · 13/08/2013 20:22

Btw waiting a whole four months between shags is bloody ages IMO!

BuntCadger · 13/08/2013 20:36

I have a RL friend who has only slept Roth 1 guy and she's been married to him over 10 years. I do feel a bit like she missed out on experiencing ummm other people but she's happy.

Original poster

fl85 · 14/08/2013 21:16

Thanks for all the replies. I told him my sisters actions were none of his business and he just happened to overhear us talking and he has accepted that and apologised.

Also have decided not to say anything more about my number. To be fair that was not part of this argument so haven't had to say anything anyway.

Really appreciate the helpful responses though

OP posts:

minkembernard · 15/08/2013 16:39

HIBU to give a flying feck about your sisters sex life. NOHB.
Other than that he is probably just feeling a bit insecure and also wondering if he should have put it about a bit more before he met you.

I think you need to ask him why it bothers him
and reassure him it is quality not quantity. and weirdly the more people you have slept with sometimes the less sex you have had. you can fit in more sexual experience in a week with one partner than in a year of ONS every three of four weeks.

but mostly he need to get a grip and climb off that high horse.

PunkHedgehog · 15/08/2013 17:32

Glad to hear he's apologised. Did he manage one for each offence?

He was unreasonable for having a go at you about your sister's actions.
He was exceedingly unreasonable for thinking you have a say in your sister's sex life.
He was completely out of order in thinking he had a say in your sister's sex life.
And he was utterly ridiculous for assigning a moral value to a number.

HaPPy8 · 15/08/2013 18:00

I think its quite a lot. But its nothing to do with me ...or your DP. As long as it is between consenting adults, good luck to them!

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