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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report fraudulent benefit claimant

224 replies

racmun · 12/08/2013 22:22

So bil and SIL who have a 1 year old daughter have 'broken up'.

As a bit of background bil works but SIL is a SAHM. They were in private rented but it was costing too much so They broke up SIL and niece got housed and 4 days later they are back together and bil has moved in!

Apparently he stays at mil once a week as she is claiming benefits as a single mother (have no idea what difference this makes) and if the state finds out she'll lose her benefits. This is what mil has told us btw, I f

This has made me really furious and I'm inclined to report them for benefit fraud and let the authorities decide if they are doing anything illegal.

Or am I just being a bitch.

OP posts:
inallmydays · 13/08/2013 10:13

report what you think is going on to the relevant authorities and they can decide if fraud is going on .

brdgrl · 13/08/2013 10:14

There is a chance for the OP to stop any alleged activity by telling them of her intentions. But she appears to be deriving a certain amount of malicious pleasure from anonymous reporting because she actively wants them to suffer the consequences. Even the children. There is secondary malicious gain here. Not high moral ground.

Indeed. The very act of posting about it is a bit malicious:
A) the OP clearly had her mind made up so didn't want 'advice'
B) the OP claims to have a clear conscience, so isn't posting to get emotional support

What is the OP getting out of this, I wonder, if not malicious pleasure?

(On the other hand, this thread has made me feel very grateful for my own family, so, um, that's nice...)

movingonandup · 13/08/2013 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mignonette · 13/08/2013 10:18

Don't agree Moving. You have a word to get them to stop because if they are allegedly playing the system, then that will likely be enough to get them to stop. And as OP declares they are not close, then it doesn't really matter what they think of her does it?

You might warn your family to keep quiet. But if somebody then reveals that 'they know', well it hasn't worked has it and they will have to re-think. Should it turn out that they are fraudsters, then OP's decision/motivation to then report looks a little less ugly.

brdgrl · 13/08/2013 10:23

*Would you really talk to someone doing this though and tell them to mend their ways or ask them to explain themselves to you?

If I were concerned FOR them, rather than ABOUT them, I'd have a conversation with them and let them know that I was worried about their family getting into trouble, and ask if things were ok. Maybe even ask what I could do to help. *

specialsubject · 13/08/2013 10:26

report IF you think there are sufficient grounds. This little wheeze is quite common and needs to be stopped.

those who say 'don't be a grass' are like those who say at school 'don't sneak'. Grow up. Benefit fraud steals money from those who need it and those who pay for it. Anyone happy for it to go on should also be happy to have their possessions stolen.

Original poster
racmun · 13/08/2013 10:27

I'm getting this thread taken down as it has got ridiculous.

Many on here are saying I need to get evidence it can't just be hearsay etc when I point out the evidence and refer to Facebook I'm told I'm being underhand and malicious!

As another poster said its not my job to undertake a thorough investigation and how can I? That is the job of the authorities.

It's shocking that people think its ok to have your lifestyle funded by the tax payers and have a £25k a year salary as spending money/disposable income.

I was genuinely torn about whether I was being unreasonable and for that reason didn't submit the form last night. Reading some of the comments on here has in fact made me more determined to do what I think is the right thing.

It seems in many quarters to be acceptable to steal and they are more bothered about my motives as opposed to whether or not they are defrauding the system....and those attitudes mean the problem carries on

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 13/08/2013 10:28

Vaguely wondering if the OP will sit back and watch the shit hit the fan when all this comes to pass. Will she be discussing with her worried OH whilst all this is going on? feigning concern - or saying, it serves them right?

Will she then have the courage of her own convictions and say she reported his family to the authorities, and stand by her reasons for doing the right thing, in her eyes? Or will she keep it all a secret from him?

Was there any reason she couldnt have discussed with him firstly ('after all I wouldnt want them to get into any trouble') sounds plausible enough without putting it across to OH as a moral/judgment stance if need be. After all they are family - right? Not strangers. I cant see from post any reason whatsoever why this wouldnt have been a possible option.

I agree with other posters who've said there are sleuthing jobs out there if one is that way inclined. I also feel theres selective sleuthing going on here..and the reason behind it isnt moral outrage at all.

McNewPants2013 · 13/08/2013 10:30

to only reason i couldn't do it, is because it would be my niece that would suffer.

NotYoMomma · 13/08/2013 10:30

I think if he is there every day bar one then he does need reporting!

NotYoMomma · 13/08/2013 10:35

why should there be concern though, if they are guilty its just wrong and if they were so concerned then she could just get a job.

I would love to be a sahm but I can't afford it. I could always just not go back to work, split with dh, get housed with dd, and move him in?

ah right thats the way Confused Confused

mignonette · 13/08/2013 10:35

You are deliberately avoiding the thorny issue of why you wouldn't confront them and give them a chance to stop (allegedly) doing it. That is why people are suspicious of your^ motives.

Don't come on MN if you expect a pat on the back and unquestioning posts. Because your tone gives you away. I don't believe you give a damn about the higher moral values. Otherwise you would speak to them first.Hell, even an anonymous letter saying that they are risking everything and need to stop.

OP clearly doesn't give a damn about the welfare of the child. Because they will suffer through no fault of their own. Not their fault their parents are allegedly benefit fraudsters. Not their fault their aunt is a malicious.....

pudcat · 13/08/2013 10:36

Unbelievable that some folk condone committing a crime. Families come first - what if a different crime had been committed? Murder, robbery etc, would the same people, who think it is wrong to report fraud, think keeping quiet about murder by a family member is OK?

Original poster
racmun · 13/08/2013 10:36

I'm getting this thread taken down as it has got ridiculous.

Many on here are saying I need to get evidence it can't just be hearsay etc when I point out the evidence and refer to Facebook I'm told I'm being underhand and malicious!

As another poster said its not my job to undertake a thorough investigation and how can I? That is the job of the authorities.

It's shocking that people think its ok to have your lifestyle funded by the tax payers and have a £25k a year salary as spending money/disposable income.

I was genuinely torn about whether I was being unreasonable and for that reason didn't submit the form last night. Reading some of the comments on here has in fact made me more determined to do what I think is the right thing.

It seems in many quarters to be acceptable to steal and they are more bothered about my motives as opposed to whether or not they are defrauding the system....and those attitudes mean the problem carries on

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 10:38

We aren't close to Bil and SIL

If you were really close to them, would you report them?

Would you report your own Mum/Dad/Grandparents/Siblings/Best friend in the world?

Feminine · 13/08/2013 10:39

I agree with what mig has touched on.

Why don't you send a letter to them, warning them. op

You can type it, and send it from a neutral location.

That would help stop it. Wouldn't it?

It wouldn't be so dramatic...I'll give you that.

NotYoMomma · 13/08/2013 10:43

I dont understand how on most threads people can post about one particular situation about one particular situation and peopke will answer,

but as soon as it is about benefits its always benefits bashing in General and how dare they be even a bit Hmm about it. and the OP automatically doesnt give a shit about poor children etc

its so tedious

mignonette · 13/08/2013 10:48

Well she doesn't give a damn about the child does she? Otherwise her actions would be more upstream. You may argue that the parents do not give a damn about the child with regard to consequences of their alleged actions. But the OP is maintaining a higher moral stance here than them so why is she willing to inflict more harm upon her own niece in order to have her parents punished? An uncomfortable truth here is that the child is going to suffer and all the moral indignation at benefit fraud doesn't excuse that fact that the OP is knowingly doing more harm than good here.

There are measures she can take to address this before going to the authorities. And no decent answer as to why she will not.

Benefit fraud is wrong. But maliciousness is wrong too. And two wrongs do not make a right.

NotYoMomma · 13/08/2013 10:51

I dont think its the OP who doesnt give a shit about the child if its true, they are the ones risking losing money to fund a lifestyle choice many people cant afford.its not like they would get evicted or the child would starve?

itwould be a minimal payback, a slap on the wrist and a stern 'dont do it again' at best as its not long been happening.

people are so fucking dramatic

NotYoMomma · 13/08/2013 10:53

inflict harm on her one year old neice eyeroll people have no perspective

GoodTouchBadTouch · 13/08/2013 10:56

Ignore them and get the thread deleted. Of course you are doing the right thing.

katydid02 · 13/08/2013 10:56

It is possible for them to be in the same house and not living together. They can have separate bedrooms and, with the right proof, authorities will accept that is not living together - they may be legally separated for example. I think you need to keep out of it as you may not know the whole story.

BrokenSunglasses · 13/08/2013 11:03

Good for you OP, you are doing the right thing, both morally and legally.

This thing about talking to them first that some posters keep banging on about is a red herring. I can see no good reason for doing that at all. If a crime is being committed, then the only thing that talking to them would do would be to allow them to get away with what they have done so far, if indeed they are doing something wrong.

I find it bizarre that some posters would prefer people to get away with fraud rather than it being dealt with in the proper way.

mignonette · 13/08/2013 11:04

Policy is to prosecute now Notyo where there is clear intent to defraud. Nothing dramatic about that then? He will lose his job as a result (often happens) and then they will be claiming bens forever. All their fault yes but could be avoided by telling them they have been found out and threatening them with reporting unless they stop.

brdgrl · 13/08/2013 11:05

I am under the impression that MN will not delete a thread simply because the OP doesn't like to be disagreed with.

mig is spot on.