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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed MIL bought my son age 3 to 4 clothes for his second birthday and my parents do not even get him a card

84 replies

Arnie123 · 12/08/2013 14:28

My son is a big lad and is on the 90th centile for his height but I got him to try on the trousers and he would have tripped over in them. It would have been nice for my parents to get him a card but in fairness to them I stopped all contact when my son was 9 months. My dad said he was going to put him in the main road and crawl in the traffic. I felt he posed a safeguarding risk. I do not know what to tell my son about why he has no grandparents on my side as he gets older. Such a shame really.

OP posts:

oldgrandmama · 12/08/2013 14:58

All my five grandchildren are a lot taller than standard clothes sizes indicate. I usually buy them stuff at least one, and usually two, years older size-wise. And if you've cut off contact with your parents, then why are you surprised that there's no card or whatever form them? It's a sad state of affairs and I'm sorry things have got like that. Grandparents can be such a joy [says oldgranmama modestly!!!]

sweetestcup · 12/08/2013 15:00

I feel sorry for your MIL.

mrsjay · 12/08/2013 15:11

clothes he will grow into and then you want the estranged grandparents to send a card , is there nopleasing you least be glad he has GP that love him and want and are in his life stop moaning you have nothing to moan about, I dont see your issue tbh

IShallCallYouSquishy · 12/08/2013 15:16

Bloody hell, my DD is only 2-9 centile and at 14.5months is wearing 6-9 clothes. She was given a few 12-18 clothes for her birthday that she's unlikely to fit until probably her 2nd birthday. I just thought "fab, one less item of clothing for me to buy when she gets into that size" I wouldn't even start to think anything bad about it.

I think YABU

TokenGirl1 · 12/08/2013 15:21

I thought it was the norm for grandparents to buy clothes too big as they are the generation from my childhood that always seemed to say "oh you'll grow I into it" when I always thought as a kid "why not just get something that fits?"

Anyhow, my in-laws always buy clothes for the kids that are too big but we are always grateful because it means we have the next size up for them to grow into. We do still have a joke with the in-laws about the coat that was bought nearly three years ago still fits dd now....

mrsjay · 12/08/2013 15:28

I think it is the grandparent and older relation norm tokengirl my auntie always bought to big clothes for presents when dds were younger ,

BiscuitDunker · 12/08/2013 15:32

I really don't understand this post at all OP....

You cut your parents out of your and your DSs life well over a year ago so why on earth would you expect a card or anything from them on his birthday? Surely them not sending anything shows that they're respecting your wishes of no contact so if you're annoyed about it then perhaps reinstate contact with them instead of moaning about lack of cards/presents when its what you wanted?!

As for your MIL,well I think if your DS is as tall for his age as he obviously is (hence 90th percentile) then she's done the right thing by buying bigger sized clothes as no doubt the age 2-3 leg lengths looked far too short for him or would only last 5mins if she got them but the size up will last him much longer so they're an investment.

Having a dd that is tall for her age I know exactly how much leg lengths can vary,even one age size to the next let alone one shop to the next,so all my family members buy a size up for gifts and I either keep them until they fit if too long or just roll the bottoms up! Even when my dd was "average" height for her age family members would still get the size up so she had stuff to grow in to and I never once complained. Buying gifts of clothes that would fit at the time of buying is a waste of money as they have a short shelf life so to speak when kids are so young as they have a lot of growth spurts and no doubt plenty of clothes that already fit so hardly going to need anymore...

Try just being grateful. YABVU and I think you already knew that before you posted.

As for what you will tell your DS when he grows up and asks why he only has one set of GPs-you tell him the truth,you cut them out of his and your life when his grandad said he was going to put him in the road to crawl in traffic although I doubt he was being serious when he said that anyway unless he has serious mental health issues but even then would he have actually done it??surely your mother would of prevented it even if he did attempt it??

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 12/08/2013 15:36

I too thought it was normal to buy clothes that were the next size up?

I always do. I work on the basis that parents already have all they need for that size and will need future clothes.

And this is with a son who is small for his age too

Odd thread!

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 12/08/2013 16:13

This place is bonkers recently...

EagleRiderDirk · 12/08/2013 17:16

I think YABU too but I have to say that I do sort of get the thing about not getting a card. I cut my Sis out over 2 years ago, I know she complains about how much she wants to see my DD again (she was 2 weeks old last time) but even DM has pointed out that she hasn't bothered with DD for birthdays or xmas, so if she wants to be involved in DDs life she should maybe think of her. And I've taken it as meaning just that, she isn't interested but it sounds good to say you wish you could see your neice again. btw, DM has also pointed out she doesn't have a wish to meet her nephew at all so that speaks volumes. Sorry, slightly off topic but feels good to say it.

Inertia · 12/08/2013 17:18

Sensible gift from MIL- if she knows he's big then it's worth buying the next size up rather than risk them being too small- and the trousers might fit him in 6 months when it's winter. You can always turn them up.

And parents are no contact. They're following your wishes.

pumpkinsweetie · 12/08/2013 17:24

Hmm not sure what to think but i think i get where you are coming from. You ended contact so you shouldn't expect gifts, infact i wish my ils which are nc wouldn't bother with gifts as they withold them as a sick ploy to get dh to feel sorry them not seeing dc. Not only that but they buy them clothes which are 2 sizes too big on purpose, for example age 5-6 for a 2 yo even though my kids are bean poles. I wouldn't care but dc are always desperate to wear them so either a they trip over & they fall down or b or spend my day taking in 4 pairs of pjs by hand
I think the ils do this on purpose as they did this even when we were in contact & they know full well what ages our dc are but still the same every year massoove clothes.....

Whoknowswhocares · 12/08/2013 17:40

Surely it's logic not to buy clothes in the size a child currently wears when getting a present?
The parent presumably already has the appropriate clothes for now, as they have been dressing their child in them! Plus the present giver will want the maximum use to be got out of the outfit. What's to say your boy wouldn't grow out of the correct size atm in a month?
Yabu and very silly

Turniptwirl · 12/08/2013 17:48

Huh?

Your mil was thoughtful and rather than buying by age she bought a size up, and you're cross? He will grow into them! I would always buy on the big side for a child if I wasn't sure unless I knew they were v small for their age. You're being v ungrateful and spoiled!

Why would you expect anything off your parents when YOU stopped talking to them?!

Scruffey · 12/08/2013 17:55

Mil was being sensible. I only give really teeny kids clothes in their actual age size. Anyone else, I size up. Don't be pissed at your mil.

JimmyCorkhill · 12/08/2013 17:58

I don't think you're being silly or ungrateful. You sound very hurt at the fact that you don't have the usual grandparent set up. We have no contact with some family members on both sides and whilst we know there won't be any gifts etc it doesn't stop us being upset that the relationships don't exist. I had a massive family network as a child and I feel awful that my children don't have this (despite the reasons for non contact being incredibly sensible). As for the oversized clothes, we all have that bit of disappointment when a present isn't as we wished, especially when presents may be thin on the ground. Can you exchange the trousers for the correct age size? Your MIL is just being practical but every disappointment is going to feel worse at milestones when you don't have what a lot of other people take for granted.

Famzilla · 12/08/2013 18:05

Eh? Isn't getting the next size up what you do with kids?

And as for expecting gifts from someone who has no involvement in your life, wtf?

pumpkinsweetie · 12/08/2013 18:08

Fwiw i really do get you op, i think this is more than just about a present. But the present was the thing that broke the camels back.

LittleBearPad · 12/08/2013 18:20

Take the trousers up - this isn't an issue

The situation with your parents is the issue and you are going to have to decide if you can deal with no contact and what it means.

bolshieoldcow · 12/08/2013 18:23

what jimmy said

I think some of the answers you're receiving are a bit brutal - it's not about the presents, is it? You know you made the right decision when you cut your parents out, right? Or would you like to reinstate some kind of contact in a controlled environment? Be kind to yourself and your MIL who's doing double-grandparent duty, and maybe think a bit about what you want for the future. If it's an older generation person in your son's life, then is there an aunt or cousin you could get to know better? Or even a neighbour (obvs don't be pals just to score presents!) or someone in the community who'd enjoy a visit...

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 12/08/2013 18:27

I always want clothes to be the next size up when they are gifts, as generally I have already bought the clothes they need in their current size. Your MIL was planning ahead for your son, and that was thoughtful of her.
As for your parents it seems as though you want them to want to be part of your life, even though you don't want them to be hands on. The problem is you cut ties all together. You can't be angry at them for not sending a card. Maybe they wanted to but thought you would be angry if they did send it. I don't think they can win can they.
If you want cards you need to be the first to offer the olive branch.

oldham70 · 12/08/2013 18:30

I wish my mil would buy things too big for ds. She buys basic clothes for him that only just fit but gets nicer roomier things for favoured dd. Also got lovely craft gifts for dd at easter and a maths book she had lying ariund the house that dd had already started. I think your mil is being thoughtful.

Sirzy · 12/08/2013 18:33

So you have a big child and you get upset when people buy clothes a size big? How odd!

DS is tiny (3.8 and still in 18-24), we have a cupboard full of 2 -3 and 3-4 clothes that we have been given or people have given as presents. They will fit him one day and I am greatful for people giving things.

breatheslowly · 12/08/2013 18:37

YABU - by 2 my DD already had all of her 2-3 clothes as she is about 6 months ahead of the sizes - she is 91st centile. And the contact thing is fairly obvious unless you are a family with psychic powers.

everlong · 12/08/2013 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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