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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you're with your soulmate?

89 replies

insummeritrains · 12/08/2013 13:42

I'll start by saying that I have a wonderful DH - he's steady, loving, kind, hard-working. He gave me my DC who are the best things that have ever happened to me and who I would give up my life for in an instant. I love my DH.

Once upon a time, though, before DH there was someone else. Nothing ever happened, not so much as a snog but I had the strongest feeling that I had met my soulmate. I'm a realist, not usually woo or a dreamer but I felt such a strong connection. There were various reasons why we couldn't give it a go and I thought I'd put him to the back of my mind however, recently I've dreamt about us being together and it's freaking me out.

There's nothing I can do, or want to do about it but I do wonder why I'm having these dreams. Has anyone else experienced similar and how did you deal with it?

OP posts:

Beaverfeaver · 12/08/2013 17:24

Id very much like to believe I am

Nancy66 · 12/08/2013 17:28

Guests on Jeremy Kyle always claim their partner is their 'soul mate' - even though they're there to take a lie detector or paternity test.

AnyOldFucker · 12/08/2013 17:33

Yes, those soul mates on JK who smack 'em around and spend all the Giro on weed

Lovely. It means fuck-all.

squoosh · 12/08/2013 17:34

Yes but if they each own one of those half a heart pendants from Argos that proves they're soulmates.

FirstStopCafe · 12/08/2013 17:38

Yes I am

MrsHoarder · 12/08/2013 17:50

I thought dh was my soul mate when we were teens. It took a few years and a few bumps to realise soul mates weren't real but what we had built was.

So no I'm not, but I am married to the man who us my rock, my love and perfect for me [vom]

HeffalumpTheFlump · 12/08/2013 18:34

I think the soul mates issue is separate from the love at first sight issue. Personally I believe that love at first sight is actually lust and attraction, I feel love develops over time. I think that over time I realised that dh is my soulmate, because of how we connect, how we boost each other, how we value and respect each other and because for the most part it is easy. We just click and understand each other like no-one else. Things haven't been plain sailing either, I have mental health problems, he has physical health problems, we were homeless for a while after we lost everything in a fire... the list goes on, so we have been through a lot together.

I understand what people say about how the 'soul mates' label can cause people to put up with being treated badly, but I dont think that means it doesnt exist. If dh were to cheat on me or abuse me, I would decide I must have been wrong and he wasn't my soulmate after all. However, I strongly believe that he will not do those things, provided we continue to work at our relationship and value our connection.

My nan and grandad are the perfect example for me. They have been together for over 60 years and have treated each other like royalty throughout. My grandad stood by my nan through mental health struggles and provided for her and three kids. She did her best and nursed him through years of ill health. They still make each other laugh and are best friends to this day. There is no doubt in my mind that they are soulmates.

TheSecondComing · 12/08/2013 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BodaciousTatas · 12/08/2013 18:43

I don't believe in soul mates, but the first time I met dp I knew he was the one for me, I don't know why.

We are very happy together and I can't imagine being with anyone else. If soul mates do exist then mine is a gay friend of mine, we love the bones off each other, but in the most platonic way ever obviously but I click with him the most.

doublechocchip · 12/08/2013 18:53

I don't believe there is only one soul mate for everyone.

I have the opinion that there are many people in the world that you could meet, marry and have a lovely life with but I think that there are a handful of people out there in the world that are a perfect match for almost everyone.

Its surely a question of odds, out of 7 billion people in the world there are bound to be people out there that would complement each other to the T its just going to be rare that these people actually meet.

williaminajetfighter · 12/08/2013 19:06

I don't believe DP is my soulmate and sometimes that makes me sad - I wish what we had was a meeting of the minds and an instant connection. But what we have is very real and practical.

To be honest I actually think my closest friends are my soulmates - we just get and understand each other, finish each others sentences and totally connect on all levels. The fact that I have that with my friends is priceless.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits · 12/08/2013 19:14

I knew when I was 11 that while others might find "the one", it wasn't going to happen for me. I can love someone without it being that close, or expecting soulmateyness to actually haveto exsist for everyone.

Thisisaeuphemism · 12/08/2013 19:20

I've had loads of soul mates- and now I'm with dh who is another one. If ever we split or parted - I hope we don't- I expect I would have more.

I'm a romantic realist.

AlwaysWashing · 12/08/2013 19:31

My DH doesn't bear much resemblance to the man I'd have chosen for myself (in my head that is), he's nothing like what I thought I wanted. As others have said my "soul mate" turned out to be a real tosser & it makes me angry that I wasted so many years with him when I might have been with DH (or not, logistically).
I don't know about "soul mates" anymore but I do know that my DH is my bloody rock and considering the shit we've put each other through in the early years, pre marriage and DC he's the man I love and respect and want to grow old with.

Ratata · 12/08/2013 19:31

I think folk underestimate how powerful dreams can be. I often have dreams which I don't completely remember but I remember how they made me feel. It's likely you dreamt about this guy because he came into your mind at some point and your brain decided to access the memories and feelings from before and let you feel them again. Having the dream play out then makes you think more about the person when you are awake, possibly consider what life would be like with them etc.

You will probably have this guy in your mind for a week or two and then it will eventually begin to fade. I'm not sure why you had the strong connection that you did, perhaps that's all it was. A strong connection but not enough to have a long term relationship with him. If he was your soulmate then it probably would have worked out in the first place. Or you would have made it work somehow.

Not sure if I believe in soulmates, more of a believer in compatibility. Me and DH are totally compatible but he would not be compatible with, say, my best friend for various reasons. If you are happy then I would say you are lucky :)

Original poster

insummeritrains · 12/08/2013 19:43

Thanks ratata, my dreams are massively vivid and I've had a few about him..usually one every few months without, I think, consciously thinking of him.

Thanks for all the responses, and apologies for using the word 'soulmate' - it doesn't seem to be too popular here and with hindsight, maybe wasn't the best term to use.

I guess what I was trying to articulate was that this connection, I hadn't felt anything like it before so wanted to put some kind of title on it to make sense of it all, I suppose.
I read a comment further up where the poster said it was like they had loved their OH all their life. What I felt was something like this but more like I had known them all my life, could imagine them fitting perfectly in areas of my life, felt they 'got' me.

Anyway, I'm waffling now . Perhaps as you say, it was because it didnt go any further. Perhaps if we were together, dealing with the mundane realities of life it would be different.

OP posts:

towerofjelly · 12/08/2013 19:45

My DM constantly tells us hat my DF was her soulmate, he died when he was 49 and 20 years on she has never looked or thought about another relationship. I find it incredibly sad and quite a waste. ( she also despises anyone who gets on with life after losing a partner) horrible.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/08/2013 19:46

I hope so. I've been with him for long enough, and he was my first ever boyfriend. I'm not sure I believe in the idea of a "soulmate" - if there was one person out there perfect for me what are the chances that they went to the same school as me?

Tim Minchin puts it better than I can:

Xihha · 12/08/2013 20:05

I believe in soulmates but I'm not with mine, he has a bit of a habit of making the wrong choices and getting in trouble, he left me because he couldn't stand seeing how much he kept hurting me so thought it would be better if I hated him, I didn't find out that was why until years later, after I had got with DH. I still dream about him from time to time and still love him dearly but in a very different way to I love my DH who is more like a best friend.

guiltyconscience · 12/08/2013 20:10

Yes I am. I fell for him the first time I saw him at my 18th birthday party.He's wonderful we have been through hell and back but faced it all together. he's the most handsome man in the world to me and I am Miss World to him. (I'm not hehe ) He's lovely and I have been so so lucky.

LostMarbles99 · 12/08/2013 20:13

Without a shadow of doubt!

LostMarbles99 · 12/08/2013 20:14

I also met him on my 18th birthday!

Now 35 and still madly in love!

aufaniae · 12/08/2013 20:18

The brilliant Tim Minchin sums up my feelings on the concept of soulmates better than I ever could. Well worth a watch!

NotYoMomma · 12/08/2013 20:19

yrs indeed. I met him 11 years ago when I was 17, started dating 8 years ago when I was 20, engaged 7 years ago when I was 21, married for 5 years now with dc2 on the way.

It seems so cheesy but I read some of the relationships and pisstakers on this forum and am in a constant state of

I may be naive but I just dont understand the 'love is hard' argument. it's not 'hard' it's more 'occasionally having to compromise'

gordyslovesheep · 12/08/2013 20:22

haha brilliant Aufaniae

I married my solemate - 8 years and 3 kids later he left me when he met his !

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