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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to challenge a racist remark made by a ten year old ?

126 replies

hooochycoo · 12/08/2013 08:33

A ten year old very well, I know remarked to me that Indians should all go home and stop trying to make little Indias in England. I was shocked and told them that that was a racist thing to say, said that they should do some reading about immigration and emmigration and that it wasn't nice to say things like that . I also tried to explain how if they went to other countries they'd find british people living there, making little Englands, that people lived all over the world. And that they shouldn't say these things when they hadn't travelled outside Britain.

I wasn't angry or shouting. I was amazed at what they were saying and insistent.They said that they knew already everything they needed to know already because they'd seen newsround and seen pictures of India, and that indians were going round killing people and blowing things up. I then said that they sounded bigoted and explained bigot, before the child's mother stopped me.

The child's mother is really angry at me and has said that that her child wasn't racist because she's too young and that she justified in saying those things because of a boy at her school that was indian who was mean to her and because of the news coverage of the woolwhich attack.
. and that I was completely out of order to say what i said. Apparently I attacked her child and was patronizing. She said a ten year old couldn't be racist because they are a child and compared it too a four year with a stutter, saying i wouldn't have told the four year old he had a speech impediment.

what do you think ? aibu?

OP posts:

MalcolmTuckersMum · 12/08/2013 08:36

I've known more than my fair share of kids that age and not a single one of them has ever expressed anything even close to that kind of opinion. So either the child is parroting received information or there's a hint of billy bullshit about this story.

TheBakeryQueen · 12/08/2013 08:37

No YANBU! The child is old enough to understand and clearly needs educating. Well done for having the guts to say it!

Original poster

hooochycoo · 12/08/2013 08:38

Seriously seriously not bullshit

OP posts:

Lilacroses · 12/08/2013 08:38

I don't think there is anything wrong with challenging a child who says something racist. 10 is old enough to have a discussion with someone about an issue like this. You need to do it kindly though. This sounds like the child is just repeating something a parent has told them. I don't think calling them a biggot was a good idea.

Yama · 12/08/2013 08:39

YANBU. Clearly the opinion of an adult in her life.

ThePeppermintHippo · 12/08/2013 08:40

Not surprised the mum stopped you challenging it, as it sounds like the mum is the ignorant one giving the child this "information"!

YANBU. Poor kid being taught such nonsense and needs to get exposed to another more normal viewpoint. Not even sure what Indians are supposed to have to do with the Woolwich attack and the mum should tell her that if she doesn't like an Indian boy at school that doesn't mean she can judge all Indians!

Lilacroses · 12/08/2013 08:40

The mum sounds seriously misguided.

AnneNonimous · 12/08/2013 08:40

Yanbu to challenge the child.

Yabu to call a ten year old a bigot, as it sounds like he was just parroting mums views given her reaction

Whothefuckfarted · 12/08/2013 08:41

I let other people parent their children. I know what they said must have irked you somewhat, but it's not your place to educate them on these matters, especially as their own mother was present.

I would have just walked off and explained to my own children why saying those things are not appropriate.

NewAtThisMalarky · 12/08/2013 08:41

I think that child needs a lesson about the British Empire.

YANBU. In fact it sounds like you were very reasonable. Some people would have been much more vehement in their response.

Tailtwister · 12/08/2013 08:42

YANBU. The child is clearly hearing similar opinions at home, which is probably why the mother was so annoyed as it exposed her.

You did the child a favour imo. Expressing racist views like that could get them is severe bother in further education settings or the work place, apart from the fact it's unacceptable.

Original poster

hooochycoo · 12/08/2013 08:43

whothefuckfarted, that is also the opinion of the mother, that i shouldn't have said anything and should have left it to the mother to talk to her later about it.

OP posts:

softlysoftly · 12/08/2013 08:43

At 10 she's parroting her parents so kit a shocker her mother was defensive.

Babapeela82 · 12/08/2013 08:44

I think you did absolutely the right thing calling them on it, if things like that are left unchallenged at that she I dread to think what kind if views that child would develop by adulthood. I certainly hope if my almost 10 yr old DS ever came out with anything so offensive and Ill-informed there would be someone around to explain to him why he needed to think about what he was saying.

Whothefuckfarted · 12/08/2013 08:47

So the mother said that she would have talked to the child about it later then?

catballou · 12/08/2013 08:50

I would have no problem with the OP giving her opinion to the child on these matters-ten is quite old enough to hear opinions that differ from her mother's-in fact it would be quite to her advantage since the mother is obviously the source of the bigotry.

You are not at all unreasonable -you are the epitome of good reason!

mignonette · 12/08/2013 08:50

Some people have walked around with cloth ears if they think a ten year old never spouts this kind of stuff. Whether they are 'parroting' what they have heard or not, it happens. Poor kids to have their minds warped like this.

Good for you. I'd have addressed the Mother too.

softlysoftly · 12/08/2013 08:50

I think you are wrong in this case whothefuckfarted if only the parents parent then how will the kids ever see another opinion.

Most racism imho is learnt, ignorance passed down the generations, other adults in their lives expressing a different view may just break this cycle.

Original poster

hooochycoo · 12/08/2013 08:51

welcoming all opinions on this, as i've fallen out with the mother, who I care about a lot, about this. We totally can not see each other's opinion on this. I want to understand why she is angry.

She thinks it's inappropriate for me to have challenged the child. I shouldn't have ignored it and left it for her to talk to them later. And that I shouldn't have said that they were racist and a bigot.

I was really shocked and couldn't help react, I've known the child all their life and love them and was really concerned. I didn't say that the child was racist or a bigot, I said that it was a racist thing to say and that they sounded bigoted. And tried to explain what these things meant.

OP posts:

HorryIsUpduffed · 12/08/2013 08:54

I think you were right to challenge the statement but it probably wasn't your place to go into such detail.

10 is old enough to learn tolerance. I've known a lot of 10yos and they are not babies.

"4yo with a stammer" - that comparison makes me furious.

thebody · 12/08/2013 08:54

well I think calling a 10 year old a biggot was a stupid thing to do when obviously he's just repeating parrot fashion what his stupid mother had said. obviously so by her embarrassed / angry reaction to you. she's been caught out.

explain truth to your own child and if I were you put it behind you.

round by me her views would be mainstream unfortunately.

TheBakeryQueen · 12/08/2013 08:56

At 10 a child is old enough to have a debate with an adult. Also the child needs to learn that words and opinions affect others. There are consequences to spouting offensive views.

If she is old enough to give her opinions then she is old enough to have them challenged. That's a life lesson really.

Whothefuckfarted · 12/08/2013 08:56

I'm just astounded that you all assume that the child is parroting the mother. You say you know this mother and child well. Can you be sure that this is the source of the child's views?

Do ten year olds not manage to come to their own conclusions/opinions by speaking to friends and watching the news and reading things online?

I'm not sure I wouldn't have said anything at all, maybe just 'that's not a very nice thing to say' and left it at that for the mother to explain why.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 12/08/2013 08:58

British people making little Englands?

You don't sound so bright yourself.

lljkk · 12/08/2013 08:59

I would not have said to the child "that was a racist thing to say." I would have explored with him why he tried to think that way and pointed out contradictions in his thinking. I would ask him if it was okay for Britons to go to India and make bits of India like Britain (which they did, after all!) It's not that I think you were wrong to challenge it but it's how you said it that I think went wrong.

If you branded my child a racist I'd be pretty narked too. Maybe the mother deserves the label for her generalisation, but using such a potent word she's been backed into a corner.

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