Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to wonder if all parents end up with a "favourite"?

65 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 09/08/2013 14:45

And whether one day I will too - very equal at the moment but still very young.

My mum was and is very loving and I had a great childhood but she has always seemed to side with db. It was apparent to me as a teen but as an adult I thought I was probably being an over emotional teen so no issue.

Recently I visited db where he lives abroad with dh, and our 3 pre school dds (9 hour flight etc). db cane with us to the airport to come home and accidentally dropped an open bag, our keys fell out and other stuff which he picked up... Get home to UK to find db put dh's keys in his pocket to keep them safe but forgot to give them to us (was ok as I had my set of keys). Db very apologetic as we didn't know he'd done this. My mum (who wasn't there) tried to blame me for not packing the keys properly and not doing the bag up (dtd2 had been sick so I'd dived into the bag for wipes). Db and I both found it hilarious (and slightly despairing) that dm thinks db can do no wrong even though he fully admits this was completely his fault.

I love dm but this in adulthood kind of brought up

OP posts:

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 09/08/2013 14:47

Things from childhood. Even db thinks he's the favourite. I think I'm okay with it as dm doesn't dislike me and db and I are close enough that the crazy bonds us together.

But seems lies of people I speak to feel similar.

Sorry it's long and broken in to - phone being odd

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2013 14:49

I am the favorite in in parent's house (actually my DD now is but she is the only GC so that's fine). Annoyingly, my DM tries to correct for this by being really demanding of me and being really indulgent of my DB.

Luckily DD will be an only so she is allowed to be my favorite

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 09/08/2013 14:49

Lots not lies
Sorry for predictive text typos

OP posts:

BrokenBanana · 09/08/2013 14:50

My mum and dad love me and my sister, but I am definitely the favourite!

SaucyJack · 09/08/2013 14:53

I would say that sounds more sexist than anything to do with sibling preference Princess

I think our mother's generation just seem to expect vagina possessors to take responsibility for all the "sensible" stuff regardless.

Maryz · 09/08/2013 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EagleRiderDirk · 09/08/2013 15:07

I wouldn't say my parents had favourites but there's a definitely bias towards my sister. I posted this on a different thread this week too. My sister has always been a complete drama queen and very much in 'need' of my parent's attention. I was more the type who would try to get on. This has meant that in adulthood my sister is still very much demanding of them and cannot stand when she is not centre of attention. She always 'needs' them and I have to make do. This has extended to my DCs, but thankfully my DPs wont have that - they want to see their GCs as much as possible and my sister has finally been told she is an adult and will have to get on/use other support sometimes. However when sister goes mental over not being centre of attention I'm always meant to forgive her because she's had a rough time (she always is having a rough time, generally of her own creation)/that's what she's like.

I really hope I won't let the more dominant of my kids get away with behaviour like that. Fingers crossed at least.

BeesGoBuzzzzzz · 09/08/2013 15:12

Depends. Sometimes parents get on better with one or another, sometimes through similar interests or just personalities.

Some parents have prejudiced reasons e.g. Gender or sometimes something random like hair colour of a disliked relative. They almost don't know they are doing it I guess.

Some parents are dysfunctional and favour one over another due to their own upbringing and issues.

You say you are ok with it. That is quite a rare response I think.

IneedAyoniNickname · 09/08/2013 15:21

My.older brother is definitely my mum's favorite, always has been. Me and my younger brother both think so, and outsiders have commented that he is preferred.

Now that we are adults my dad is closer to my younger brother than me, but I think that's because they have more in common than me and dad.
And my step sister is a spoilt bitch brat, who dad and dsm always put above me.

Actually im fairly low down my families list of priorities :(

I hope my children know they are loved equally, and that I don't develop a favourite.

BaronessTeapot · 09/08/2013 15:23

Hand on heart - I can definitely say that I do not have a favourite.

There are times when I might focus on one DS more than the other, as they go through life's trials and tribulations, but it all balances out.

Caster8 · 09/08/2013 15:23

No from me to my kids.

My mum. Her favorite is the one that happens to be in her ear the most. She sways!

gordyslovesheep · 09/08/2013 15:34

see I think, as adults, like other adults, our parents may find some of us easier than others

I get one very well with my mum as does my sister - for years I thought she was the favorite - then I realised my mum was just more protective of her (mental health issues, a bit gullible etc) and that she LOVED us both equally

I find my middle child easier than the other but I love them all equally and if you asked each of them they would ALL say the other 2 where the favorites !

BorderBinLiner · 09/08/2013 15:45

My family certainly have the same dynamic, my younger brother is certainly golden boy, despite lots of selfishness problems over the years can do no wrong.

DB & I get along really well, united by the crazyness and we now openly joke about the No 1 & No2 thing.

It has made me very determined to bring up my kids 'fairly', not heaping lots of respnsibility on the older and carefully avoiding the typecasting that families go in for eg. the clever/clumsy/funny one. I'm sure I'll fuck up in an altogether different way.....

TroublesomeEx · 09/08/2013 15:48

My brother was our parents' favourite. We both acknowledge that.

I have 2 children - they are very different and I admire different things about them, but I love them equally. I don't have a favourite.

Isabelonatricycle · 09/08/2013 15:51

Maryz, are you my mother?!

I think my parents love us all equally, though my big brother definitely needs them more at the moment.

With grandparents then, my father's mother certainly preferred the boys to me, but it didn't affect me that much as my parents didn't replicate her behaviour.

Thumbwitch · 09/08/2013 15:52

At the moment, I don't exactly have a favourite, I love both boys equally - but I'm a lot less irritated by the baby than I am by the 5yo, so it could look like I prefer the baby.

My mum definitely favoured my brother. She had wanted a boy first, so having me was a bit of a downer for her. I was my Dad's favourite though so that kind of made up for it for me. My sister definitely felt it though and was glad that she was one of our grandmother's favourite.

EagleRiderDirk · 09/08/2013 15:53

Thinking on my earlier post, it feels a little harsh on my DPs. The thing is that being swayed by my sister's 'needs' is actually pretty good considering their background. DF was an only child and I still don't think he was GMs favourite . DM's parents have open favourites within their family, but expect everyone to adore them as any attention they bestow should be treated as if it were god himself. So really my DPs have done a great job with not recreating their parent's mistakes.

Justforlaughs · 09/08/2013 15:57

Difficult to say about other people. It was generally accepted that DB2 was the "golden boy" in our house, not sure that it still stands today. In my own house, with my own children, I have more in common with some of my children than others, it doesn't mean that I love them any more/ less, just that there are things that I find it easier to talk about and relate to. I'm very sorry DS1, but "I really hated Starwars! and switched off every time that you droned on about who did what etc!". It didn't mean that I loved him any less, just that I wasn't interested in that craze. I really hope that none of my children ever look back and feel that I loved them any less than the others.

MonstersDontCry · 09/08/2013 16:03

My mum openly admits that my youngest brother is her favourite. There is an 11 year age gap between us so he has always been seen as the baby of the family.

When we were younger, and living at home, me and my other brother were very resentful, as my mum didn't even try to hide it. I'm not bothered anymore as I live so far away from my family and don't have the best relationship with them. Not sure how my other brother feels though.

If my dad has a favourite, he doesn't show it.

MackerelOfFact · 09/08/2013 16:04

In my family, I think my brother is my mum's favourite and I am my dad's. Which is weird, because my brother and dad have a lot of shared interests and spend a lot of time together, as do my mum and I.

My mum has always had quite high expectations of me, while always making excuses for my brother. And my dad would do pretty much anything for me but would be more likely to tell my brother to do it himself. They both love us both though, most definitely.

I don't have a favourite but I do enjoy the company of some more than others at various times.

EsmeWeatherwax · 09/08/2013 16:15

I try really hard not to have a favourite, and I do think I love all my kids equally, but my middle daughter is such a sunny wee happy go lucky no bother kind of child that I sometimes can't help it. Also, the other two definitely prefer their dad to me!

MoominsYonisAreScary · 09/08/2013 16:21

My favourate is whoever is giving me the least hassle, that can change by the hour

Rugbylovingmum · 09/08/2013 16:22

As a child I always felt that DB was my mum's favourite while I was my dad's, which was tough when my parents seperated and my dad moved out. It wasn't a big deal and they tried really hard to treat us equally, but at times I did resent DB a bit.

Now I'm an adult I can see that really my mum babied DB (who was and is a bit immature) and treated me as an adult (I was the typical responsible eldest child). I thought he was getting more attention and she was more concerned about him but I think she just needed to keep a closer eye on him. Now I am great friends with my mum but she still bickers with/nags at/checks up on DB and they fall out like a pair of kids .

With my dad it's the other way around and while I adore him, and we have a great relationship, I will always be his baby. He often seems to forget I am an adult with kids of my own while my brother is 'mates' with my dad.

DP's parents really really favour one child (not DP!) and always compare their other kids unfavourably with him which has made me realise how easy I had it!!!

I hope my DD's don't feel I have a favourite or one is loved more but they are very different childen. I am sure my relationship with them will be different and at times they will feel I am playing favourites - surely most kids do at some point - I just hope it doesn't last and they both feel loved and secure.

Maryz · 09/08/2013 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Carolra · 09/08/2013 16:26

My mum told me a couple of months after DD was born that I'd never feel the same way about subsequent children as I do the first and dd would always be my favourite... we've not managed to have another just yet, but I'm interested to see if its true... Needless to say I'm 2nd of mum's 4 children... thanks mum...

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread