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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if all parents end up with a "favourite"?

65 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 09/08/2013 14:45

And whether one day I will too - very equal at the moment but still very young.

My mum was and is very loving and I had a great childhood but she has always seemed to side with db. It was apparent to me as a teen but as an adult I thought I was probably being an over emotional teen so no issue.

Recently I visited db where he lives abroad with dh, and our 3 pre school dds (9 hour flight etc). db cane with us to the airport to come home and accidentally dropped an open bag, our keys fell out and other stuff which he picked up... Get home to UK to find db put dh's keys in his pocket to keep them safe but forgot to give them to us (was ok as I had my set of keys). Db very apologetic as we didn't know he'd done this. My mum (who wasn't there) tried to blame me for not packing the keys properly and not doing the bag up (dtd2 had been sick so I'd dived into the bag for wipes). Db and I both found it hilarious (and slightly despairing) that dm thinks db can do no wrong even though he fully admits this was completely his fault.

I love dm but this in adulthood kind of brought up

OP posts:
SauceForTheGander · 09/08/2013 20:00

My DBs are the favourite. It used to upset me but now I realise they were nicer, easier children. I did used to think they were like that because they were favoured. Now I just think they were more biddable and charming. They still are!

I don't have favourites but I certainly have DCs who seem more challenging - at the moment. I worry about repeating history ... It doesn't do the favoured child any favours. They stay babies IMO.

Mintyy · 09/08/2013 20:04

Hmm, not sure. There is definite favouritism on show on both sides of my extended family but I am not sure this is always the case.

Atm I cannot imagine favouring either of my children.

edam · 09/08/2013 20:06

My sister and I still argue about this... we are in our 40s. Grin We do it in front of our mother and each try to trick her into admitting 'I'm her favourite' but she's had all those decades of experience and is v. good at not getting caught out.

Seriously, real favouritism is horrible. My Dad has always been neglectful of my younger sister and favoured me - although within his limits i.e. rarely put himself out for me anyway if it didn't suit his convenience. I was the big sister and adored my little sister so it made me cross, resentful and embarrassed.

Then he re-married and had another daughter... now she's the all-time massive spoilt brat favourite. (Although to be fair neither of her parents are anything other than self-centred, I can see why she ended up constantly trying to prove our Dad loves her best.) Hey ho.

edam · 09/08/2013 20:07

(I have an only child, so no issue with favourites round here - although I sometimes despair of both dh and ds and point out the cat is my current favourite!)

SarahAndFuck · 09/08/2013 20:09

I think that when we were younger my brother was my mother's favourite but now we are adults I think I am the one she is closer to but not tonight as we've just had a row on the phone in the way of mothers and daughters.

We talk on the phone every day, usually twice a day, and I visit with DS a couple of times a week. My brother appears as and when and probably hasn't spoken to her on the phone for weeks. SIL seems to do more to keep in touch and is the one to call in most often.

I know I was my Granddad's favourite though. I thought I was the only one who'd noticed but apparently not. At his funeral our group of cousins were chatting and one of them said to me "but you were always his favourite" and the rest of them nodded along and agreed. They didn't seem to mind.

MarshaBrady · 09/08/2013 20:16

I remember my mother saying the eldest and the youngest were the most special, due to being the eldest and youngest.

I hated hearing that, but now I've had dc I just think what a crappy and stupid thing to say near your children.

If I have three I'll be extra nice to the middle one to make up for it Wink. Not really, I'll think of them equally.

LynetteScavo · 09/08/2013 20:22

No, I definitely don't have a favorite!

I would be like saying do I like prawn curry, chocolate or strawberries best.

Three very different things. All lovely. I wouldn't want to be without any of them.

My DM made me feel like I was her favorite as a child. When I grew up, it was blatently obvious my eldest sister was her favorite. At 50years old my Dsis confessed to me that she doesn't think DM likes her. DM likes her very much, but just think Dsis needs to hear it.

BuntyCollocks · 09/08/2013 20:24

My favourite is whoever is whining the least that day.

teenagetantrums · 09/08/2013 20:30

I do have favourites but it changes at certain times, I try not to show it, but my DS has always been an easy child and up until a few years ago if I had to pick one as a favourite I would have picked him, he is now older and more independent and my DD who basically has been a nightmare for the last 6 years seems to have calmed down and is less demanding and more enjoyable to spend time with, now every day is not a battle she is my favourite child at the moment. BUT I love them both and could not tell you which one I loved more, just sometimes I like one more than the other.

BaronessTeapot · 09/08/2013 20:35

I think you can feel closer to one of your children at any one time - but that's not the same as picking a favourite.

My personality is closer to DS2's and we share the same interests of art, music, drama etc. so we can have long discussions about this.

DS1 has a scientific/mathematician brain. A lot of what he talks about goes right over my head Grin. Luckily DH's brain is on the same wavelength as DS1.

mamij · 09/08/2013 20:54

Dsis is definitely the favourite, could do no wrong, parents do things to please her etc. even DH noticed when he first met my parents!

TVTonight · 09/08/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeaLola · 09/08/2013 22:16

Yes my Ds is my favourite out of all my children .... He is an only child, only nephew, oNly grandchild .... Poor him :-)

chicaguapa · 09/08/2013 22:24

I wouldn't say I have a favourite, but DS (now 8) nearly died when he was 2.5 and had to be resuscitated by the pool. Sad Since then I think I've felt differently about him, but I don't think I favour him. Just feel more protective I guess.

Bystanders probably feel we give DS more attention, but DD(11) is mild ASD and most of our lives are built around making it simple for her, so we try to compensate with him.

But if you asked DC they wouldn't say either was our favourite. Which is great!

stopprocrastinating · 09/08/2013 22:45

DB is dads favourite. They both love sport, and work together (farmers on family dairy farm). I don't think mum has a favourite.

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