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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what I supposedly did wrong here?

311 replies

LackingEnergy · 08/08/2013 16:12

Yesterday as a huge favour to my Dsis we looked after our Dniece (8) and Dnephew (5) for the day at very short notice.

They had breakfast with us since they arrived at 7am - Toast with honey

We went to the park for a few hours

We made cupcakes and Dniece and Dnephew decorated them (took some home for mum, dad and them to eat later and ate one while they were here)

Had lunch - A sandwich, slices of pepper, cucumber, carrot and tomatoes and some pringles

Had a ride on the ponies (Dsis expects this to happen as she uses me as a free instructor and it helps keep the weight off the ponies - they came with all their riding gear)

Did some drawings. Some went on our fridge the rest were taken home

Took the dogs for a walk and had another play at the park

Had tea - Homemade pizza and homemade wedges followed by slices of banana, apple, pear, grapes and a chocolate mousse pot to dip them in

Watched UP

Dsis picked them up at 8pm two hours later than she was meant to, they were more than ready for bed. She asked what they'd had to eat and wasn't happy with the above. She also wasn't happy that they were so tired. I'm not sure why?

For a very last minute thing with just me and three children from 8-6 I think we packed a lot of fun things in

OP posts:
Original poster
LackingEnergy · 09/08/2013 10:09

I best get the wherewithal in for a bbq if everyone's coming round :)

What I don't understand is why OP didn't say something at the time? If that had been my sister moaned her kids were tired, I'd have said, 'well, we were expecting you two hours ago' or if she commented about the food, say 'was there a problem?'

To be honest she was in such a rush that I didn't get chance to ask

Thinking about it I'm not entirely sure how she is expecting our parents and his parents to cover childcare since as fare as I'm aware both sets of grandparents work at least part time.

Will probably get a call at 9pm Sunday asking if we can have them on Monday. We're out for the day so won't be able to if she does ask

I really think you should just cancel Saturday on her and let her deal with reality for once. You have to ask yourself, if you were in the same boat and stuck in an emergency needing childcare, would she help you out? I'm guessing the answer is a big 'no'. She'd be too busy having her weekend to herself with her DH, I'm sure.

They both work and I'm 'just the SAHM' . Therefore I shouldn't need them to look after ds in the week though they're happy to have him at the weekend which suits us fine.

This Saturday has been planned for weeks and really is a one off

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 09/08/2013 10:14

When I have a childcare fail problem either dh has to take time off work or we would have to use the emergency care accessed through my job.
Your DSis is very lucky indeed.

Original poster
LackingEnergy · 09/08/2013 10:28

She says she was disappointed that we didn't eat out as last time the dc came to us (they stayed Friday night to Sunday after tea) we did similar to the above AND went to the cinema and had a meal out Shock Apparently the dc had been really looking forward to going to that restaurant again as its very child friendly.

They also won't eat fruit or most veg at home so I guess them eating all that here upset her too

I should also have let them have a nap if they wanted while ds had his, then they wouldn't have been so grouchy at pick up and when they got home. They're 5 and 8 they don't need naps and they spent a lot of time playing outside. What they needed was to be picked up at a reasonable time and to spend some time with their parents before bed.

Dsis felt the need to shout at them when they got home before declaring them too tired and sent them to bed :(

Can't do right for doing wrong it seems :(

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 09/08/2013 10:33

Your dsis sounds awful.

You need to find a way to stick up for yourself and value all the fab childcare you've given enough to do so; make sure she knows she needs to be reasonably grateful and aware.

Is she usually this moany and entitled?!

Emilythornesbff · 09/08/2013 10:34

Well you're rubbish aren't you Wink

Littlegreyauditor · 09/08/2013 10:35

I'm sure you could happily take her children out to eat, if she paid you for the childminding and the riding lessons Hmm.

You gave them a brilliant, healthy day, they were well fed and wholesomely knackered. She needs to stop being such a massive entitled bitch and thank you sincerely (and with chocolate).

Ev1lEdna · 09/08/2013 10:40

She expected you to take them out to the cinema and restaurant! I have to save and plan to do that with my own. I'm actually astonished at the gall.

That sounds like an amazing day with lovely food. I'm not sure what was going on with her and if she had experienced a difficult day but she really should have been grateful to you regardless (and with brought you some flowers). She's an ungrateful madam.

Beastofburden · 09/08/2013 10:46

cant do right for doing wrong OP, are you actually taking anything your Dsis said seriously? It seems clear from the thread that every normal mother thinks you did a good job and your Dsis is being irrational, jealous, insecure and ungrateful.

So perhaps the question is, how long might this childcare crisis go on for, and how many more sessions will you be doing? Because if it is say four or five more times, it is worth telling your sister to stop being so bloody ungrateful and to pick her kids up on time in future.

Perhaps this is part of long term sister stuff, and she needs to accept you as a fellow adult on equal terms, not a little sister she can push around? Or is she this ungrateful with everyone?

Much depends on whether it is worth sorting this out big time. If it is, perhaps a quiet chat with the two grandmothers on how she treats them when they do childcare. One of them, perhaps our mother, could tell her she is being ungrateful and taking you for granted, and make her take stock a bit.

But if its only a coup,e of times, ignore her, do exactly as you please, and rely on the kids making it clear they had a lovely time.

mrsminiverscharlady · 09/08/2013 10:50

Your dsis sounds awful but I'm afraid you're being a mug if you have them on Saturday as arranged. She needs to be made aware of what an arse she's being; you're just enabling her behaviour if you let her get away with it.

motherinferior · 09/08/2013 10:50

A very lovely friend of mine has carted off DD1 with her to a museum today. They may consume Unsuitable Foodstuffs in the caff. I am just extremely pleased and grateful to her for giving DD1 such a nice day (and hope DD1 occupies her own small children sufficiently to give her a break!).

Your sister is bonkers.

LemonPeculiarJones · 09/08/2013 10:51

Yes fgs remind her you're doing her a favour - and the level of childcare you've given is AMAZING! As sanctioned by MN Wink

Tell her you love having the kids but if she's going to be ungrateful then you'll have to have a rethink.

Quenelle · 09/08/2013 10:52

YANBU It sounds like you all had a lovely day together.

You don't have to run your menu or plans for entertainment by your sister. Just carry on doing what you're doing. If the children enjoy it, and you enjoy it, and your sister gets her childcare problems sorted, everybody should be happy.

If your sister isn't happy tell her she knows what she can do about it.

And FWIW it can be a nuisance if DS is given a nap. My mum has let him sleep during the day a couple of times and he's been two hours late getting to sleep at night. I would never say anything to Mum though, he's hers for the day to do with as she sees fit and I'm grateful that she helped out.

flatmum · 09/08/2013 10:55

you sound great. this is far better activity and far better food than my children would get on an average day with me.

Numberlock · 09/08/2013 10:57

She also wasn't happy that they were so tired

Hold the front page - "Kids tired at bed time - shock, horror".

Ragwort · 09/08/2013 10:58

I can't belive this thread, Shock I have had a friend's child for a couple of days to stay - the diet has been pretty rubbish, but so what? The children have had fun, a huge amount has been saved on childcare and my child has had someone to play with. I don't think a piece of fruit/salad or veg has passed their lips. Grin.

If my friend even commented on what had been eaten that would be the last time they came to stay.

Some people are so controlling, and to expect you to take the children out to a restaurant - did your sister send any money with them?

mistlethrush · 09/08/2013 11:37

Poor kids - it was hardly their fault that she was two hours late.

TBH, I'm not surprised that she's got a childcare problem - can you imagine being a childminder for her?

MissStrawberry · 09/08/2013 11:50

It has all been said.

Your sister is an entitled little madam who needs educating in manners and appreciation along with keeping her nose out of something that is none of her business ie your SAH/work choices.

Bogeyface · 09/08/2013 12:39

I want to know why she suddenly doesnt have a childminder......

Goldmandra · 09/08/2013 12:57

Could it be that your sister is actually having a hard time accepting that you are able to be at home with your own child, are enjoying doing it and did such a fantastic job with her children?

Does she feel somehow inferior perhaps because she needs to work or because she doesn't find it easy to entertain and enjoy the company of children?

Was she 'disappointed' that you didn't eat out because all your home made food makes her feel like an inadequate parent?

I may well be very wide of the mark but perhaps her bad mood on collecting was because the whole day had been such a success and it all seemed to have come very easily to you.

Just a thought.

Redlocks30 · 09/08/2013 13:14

I ask again-what is she doing with all the money she's saved from her absent childminder?

How dare she tell you you should have taken her kids to the cinema and a restaurant?! I just don't understand why you haven't called her on this? Why do you think it's ok to be spoken to like this?

SaltySeaBird · 09/08/2013 13:18

My sister took my DD for an emergency day yesterday.

She had a lovely time, I trust my sister to feed her, she doesn't need to give me a list. I know she will give her chocolate, pudding, more sweet stuff some treat food and won't give her fruit like she has at home. I'm just always happy that my DD gets a nice fun day with somebody who loves her, there is no point in stressing about the small stuff.

When she is at home I choose what to give her and that is the majority of her meals. The other 1% of the time I won't bat an eyelid as long as she is being cared for.

misterkite · 09/08/2013 13:24

It sounds like an absolutely lovely day and like everybody else, I would like you to look after my DCs Grin

Your Dsis really does sound incredibly ungrateful.

YoniHuman · 09/08/2013 13:35

The only thing I can see is it was rather a bread based diet. My DD would be constipated the following day if she had that much. However, your sister sounds ungrateful and the children had a fab day so YANBU.

mumofthemonsters808 · 09/08/2013 13:50

My 2 would love a day like you describe and I would be so grateful that you had helped me out. She does not know how lucky she is to have a lovely Sister like you. I wish my children had an Auntie who went out of her way to accommodate her nieces/nephew. Some people do not know they are born.I would not be dictated to, if I was minding someone else's children re food, sleep, etc, I'd assume my sister trusted my judgement.

bronya · 09/08/2013 13:56

Free childcare = your rules. If she wants it done her way, she can pay for it. Tell her that!