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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what I supposedly did wrong here?

311 replies

LackingEnergy · 08/08/2013 16:12

Yesterday as a huge favour to my Dsis we looked after our Dniece (8) and Dnephew (5) for the day at very short notice.

They had breakfast with us since they arrived at 7am - Toast with honey

We went to the park for a few hours

We made cupcakes and Dniece and Dnephew decorated them (took some home for mum, dad and them to eat later and ate one while they were here)

Had lunch - A sandwich, slices of pepper, cucumber, carrot and tomatoes and some pringles

Had a ride on the ponies (Dsis expects this to happen as she uses me as a free instructor and it helps keep the weight off the ponies - they came with all their riding gear)

Did some drawings. Some went on our fridge the rest were taken home

Took the dogs for a walk and had another play at the park

Had tea - Homemade pizza and homemade wedges followed by slices of banana, apple, pear, grapes and a chocolate mousse pot to dip them in

Watched UP

Dsis picked them up at 8pm two hours later than she was meant to, they were more than ready for bed. She asked what they'd had to eat and wasn't happy with the above. She also wasn't happy that they were so tired. I'm not sure why?

For a very last minute thing with just me and three children from 8-6 I think we packed a lot of fun things in

OP posts:
pigletmania · 12/08/2013 14:26

Op I would never do a favour lie tat again! If she expects all tat picnic food she can bloody well look after them herself. She should be grateful for such a lovely sister looking after her Chidren. She sounds very every entitled, op you sound too nice, I would seriously grow a pair

Goldmandra · 12/08/2013 14:27

But being booked up isn:t a "negotiable" - OFSTED regs, innit?!

I was rarely booked up to my numbers because I wanted to give them more attention. There was always room for a couple more within the rules and she knew that.

OP, I hope you'll carry on giving your DNs lovely days and enjoying their company. That's the thing that matters most, despite their cheeky mother. You stood your ground well about the swimming kits so just keep being firm.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 12/08/2013 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 12/08/2013 14:41

Your sister Sounds mental op, naps for 5-8 year odds Shock, she expects you take tem ou to eat, is she paying you op? This thread ou to join Tidydancers bridezillas thread, your sister I a sisterzila. Run things by her, no don't your looking after them your rules. She really does not ound like she put much effort on her kids, wants them to nap really means she wants to rest.

pigletmania · 12/08/2013 14:42

Lacking you are great, can you my sister Smile

Redlocks30 · 12/08/2013 15:22

Are your parents looking after her kids today, OP? Is she likely to criticise them?!

I would love to know what's happened to her childcare and the money she's saving by now paying it any more?!! Please fill us in... ;)

olibeansmummy · 12/08/2013 17:32

Ds would love a day like that! I can't believe the cheek if your sis, expecting you to take her dcs out for lunch!

Original poster
LackingEnergy · 13/08/2013 11:13

Dh asked his DB if he and his family wanted to go to the zoo with us this Thursday, since this is Dhs week off, and they do :)

Unfortunately last night his DB announced on facebook how excited his dc were to be going to the zoo with us all.

Got a text this morning from Dsis. They don't have anyone to look after their dc this Thursday as our parents and DBILs parents are working. Could we have them?

OP posts:
Original poster
LackingEnergy · 13/08/2013 11:15

Asked her how her childcare search was going and she's been too busy to do any?!

OP posts:
WhatHo · 13/08/2013 11:22

Can I add my comment to the general chorus of what a lovely aunt you are, and a general all-round nice person?

I also think your DSis is jealous and also seems to think you have more money than her?

I don't think it would be inappropriate to say, "I love your children. I am happy to help out. However it will be on MY terms, and if you aren't happy please do make other arrangements."

It isn't rude, it leaves the ball in her court, it lays down boundaries.

for gods sake give your stressy cow of a sister boundaries

WhatHo · 13/08/2013 11:23

Asked her how her childcare search was going and she's been too busy to do any?!

Of course she has - she's saving £££! Grin

hellsbellsmelons · 13/08/2013 11:44

Oh dear - no-one to look after them eh?
Oh didums!
She'll have to take a day off and look after them herself then.
Don't change your plans.
She hasn't even tried to get childcare and that is NOT your fault.
Do not let her make you feel guilty.
You have plans and can't have them - end of!
Hope you have a lovely time at the zoo.

Goldmandra · 13/08/2013 11:51

Would you be able to take two extra children with you?

I would take them if I could do that but, if you will have to cancel the zoo trip or go without someone I'd say "Sorry. I'm busy that day."

Goldmandra · 13/08/2013 11:53

Oh and I'd ask offer to buy them an ice cream each but ask her to send their entrance fee with them plus a packed lunch.

BornToFolk · 13/08/2013 11:54

Asked her how her childcare search was going and she's been too busy to do any?!

Oh boo-hoo! Everyone's busy but at the top of your list of priorities should be sorting out appropriate childcare - what's more important than that?!

Do not cave and offer to have her kids on Thurs!

If you were my sister, looking after my kids like that, I've be so thrilled and turning up with flowers, wine and profuse thanks. And offers to return the favour some time. She's taking the piss.

WhatHo · 13/08/2013 11:56

ask her to send their entrance fee with them plus a packed lunch

^ This.

sleeplessbunny · 13/08/2013 12:00

wow you're sis and BIL have hit the jackpot in terms of free childcare! Sounds ace. It does sound like you're enjoying it (except for the stressy comments) but if I were you I would think very carefully about how to "help" them from now on. It seems likely to be that you are going to end up expected to be at their beck and call for childcare, and personally I couldn't deal with that.

I think you should decide how much involvement you want (if any) and suggest a regular pattern (e.g. 1day or evening) that you are prepared to do, and stick to it. That way at least you can plan your life.

Also, sounds like you are good at looking after kids, have you thought about childminding?

Redlocks30 · 13/08/2013 12:24

OP-what happened with her childcare, can you answer?

You either need to stop helping out or just carry on as you are-being treated as a complete doormat-and stop complaining. You seem to enjoy it?!

If it was me, I would be so cross at being treated as her staff that it would ruin my holidays! But, that's me!

Thumbwitch · 13/08/2013 12:28

The barefaced CHEEK of her!!
Please tell me you said no, you couldn't do it as you would be too busy with other family.
Or, if you're too softhearted and give in and take them, MAKE HER PAY FOR THEM AND THEIR FOOD.

She's looking at you and seeing MUG/SOFT TOUCH in large letters on your forehead...

aquashiv · 13/08/2013 12:30

I would snog your face off if you did that for my children. Some people are just bat shit crazy but what can you do - ask her for an approved itinerary and acceptable foodstuff perhaps?

RenterNomad · 13/08/2013 12:37

Text back, "oh, no! DBIL bet me £10 you'd jump on the zoo trip!" Guess I'll hsve to pay up, and will definitelt need entrance fee and lunch money, too. Thanks." NO smiley face to follow

Thumbwitch · 13/08/2013 12:40

Genius, Renter! Grin

HandbagCrab · 13/08/2013 12:53

I've been lurking on this thread on and off and it's really annoyed me. Op you cannot possibly, objectively, think the free emergency childcare you are providing for your sister is in any way substandard. And the hundreds of replies you've received show that. So why are you still detailing your days with your sister's dcs? Start a aspirational mummy blog if you need to talk about it (meant not unkindly).

Your sister will completely take the piss out of you if you carry on in this vein. Of course she'll want you to take her dcs to the zoo (with you paying presumably) as she doesn't want to sort out childcare and she doesn't have to think up fun things to do with them the rest of the time as she's leaving them with Mary Poppins during the week. Things like this might seem fun now, but it'll creep up to more and more days with her dc if you let it and the bar you've set yourself is ridiculously high. If it's all swimming and ponies and messy play and fort building and healthy baking in a day now, where does it lead? The expectation you will have set is that you do a million activities a day and anything less would then be a let down.

I'm confused about your motivation for posting, as you're not asking for advice in how to broach things with your sister, just musing about your idyllic days with her dcs. If you're happy doing it, do it! If not, do something about it! There'll be some fantastic advice I'm sure if you need tips on being assertive.

oscarwilde · 13/08/2013 12:57

Unless you actually want to enter into a formal/informal childcare arrangement with her, you are rapidly heading towards having a very awkward conversation with her.

Tell her that you are sorry but you have plans to take your DS to the zoo for the first time and want to focus ALL your attention on your son.

Maybe taking a day off work will focus her mind on childcare

IrisWildthyme · 13/08/2013 13:06

YANBU she was being incredibly rude and ungrateful.

HOWEVER although the food you gave all sounded lovely, I wouldn't want to give it to my DC all in one day as it was bread for every meal, and I try to limit bread to only 1 meal per 48 hours generally as it's not the healthiest kind of carb, and there is too much tendency for DC to fill up on bread and then not have any room for veg, fruit or protien.

If my DSis was looking after DC at short notice though, I would not even mention such a preference and would not worry about 3 bread meals in a day - it's just one day FFS. You did nothing wrong, she did by being sniffy and by expressing anything other than sincerest gratitude for the massive favour you did.

If my DSis was going to do regular childcare I would want to be sure she was on board with my preferences for keeping bread limited though.