to have (or at least push for) an elective c-section?

[sandwichyear]

This is not about allocation of NHS funds btw as we live abroad.

I got bad 3rd degree tears from my first birth which I found pretty traumatic and took months to heal. I had PND and I think this really contributed. At the time I couldn't believe how people would talk about natural birth, and how they were up and about the same day. I was in horrific pain, could hardly walk, my pelvic floor was shot to pieces and sex was horribly painful for at least a year. This was with a 7.5lb baby. I generally have a high pain tolerance (did the entire labour/ birth without drugs for eg)

I've had several scans this latest pregnancy for other complications and have been told this baby is huge (will probably be over 10lbs) I know these measurements are inaccurate, but still, I'm terrified of giving birth again naturally and would love a planned C-section. I don't want to be in terrible pain/ incontinent/ have my sex life ruined etc AIBU? I know people keep saying how it's major surgery and the recovery is awful, but I also know lots of people who have recovered more easily from their c-section than I did from my natural birth. Am I just being naive?

I also had 3rd degree tears. I've been lucky, healed ok (touch wood), but if I have another baby, I'm choosing a c-section, no question, and would be happy to pay for it if necessary. The physio I saw agreed. I know it's major surgery, but I'd rather have 'planned' surgery, than more emergency stitching etc. Having said that, I know plenty of people with bad tears go on to give birth naturally and all is absolutely fine next time round. But like you, I'm scared of the consequences, and would much rather have a c-section.
I hope your pregnancy goes well.

I have had surgery to correct problems from my last two births, which was basically the same as a third degree tear in the end. I have been told that any subsequent pregnancies should be c-sec deliveries.

YANBU

I don't think you're being remotely unreasonable asking for a C-section in these circumstances. Haven't they offered one to you? I was offered one after my first and only (so far) labour where I had a venteuse and a fairly minor tear. Based on what you've said I'd think you'd be a prime candidate for one.

I haven't had a C-section so can't speak from experience on this. I think its true to say they aren't necessarily an easy option either and they can take a while to get over. Personally I'd infinitely prefer a C-section even to an easy labour as I'm totally phobic of labour, though, so I'm not unbiased on this.

But YANBU.

Forgot - YANBU!

And FWIW I also tore worse with each labour. Due to complications from the second pregnancy (failed stitches and infection) it wasn't sorted out at the time of the last pregnancy and so I had 18 months of no perineum and bowel incontinence.

yadnbu, under the circumstances I'd push for a section. For some reason some people pretend that they're the worst and natural is better but if you have a previous history of damage it's going to be worse next time with a larger baby. I had a section, went for a three mile walk four days later and while it was a bit tender for a while, can't see the scar now. Everybody is different, a section may be better suited to you.

I don't think yabu

My SIL had 3rd degree tear the first time, and had a follow up check at the hospital a few months later, and they said they would advise a CS with another birth as the scar tissue would not stretch, and she would likely end up tearing badly again.

She is too scared to have another anyway

C - sections are not an easier option. It took me almost a week to be able to climb in and out of bed after mine.

However, I understand your concerns and YANBU. Just don't expect an easy recovery.

I'm firmly in the 'c-sections aren't easier camp', I found them horrific, but even I think a cs sounds easier than what you went through. I hope you get one, I can see why you want it. Good luck.

I never had a natural birth both of mine were c sections , one emergency 9traumatic after 3 day labour) the other was a planned C Section.
They were poles apart.
The emergency I took a while to recover from, was left feeling shell shocked.
The planned , I came in the booked date. Had the epidural put in, catheter inserted etc etc, all unrushed, chatting to Dr's and Midwives.
Taken to theatre, lovely music playing, hubby sitting next to me, was calm and controlled and they explained what they were doing.
DD was born and brought to me straight away.
I was up on my feet the next day, sore for about 3 days, then just tiredness after that.
It was a much happier experience.
yes it does take a few days for the soreness to go. but if you have no complications it can still be a magical experience and judging by your previous horrible experience I think you are being sensible.

good luck

Yanbu. I had very easier lavours and births but my fanjo is well and truly fallen!

YANBU.

I've had both a CS and a VBAC with 3rd degree tear and have been told that I have a completely open choice should I have another baby. I would however go for the gamble again and choose another VBAC. My tear was much more painful than the CS, but the recovery was quicker and I haven't had any complications long term. I may have a chance of easier birth, if it doesn't go that way, I've already survived the forceps and the failed ventouse with emergency CS. What I hated from the CS was the total loss of strength for months, and struggling to pick my baby up. I know that a planned CS would be better as I wouldn't be knackered from a long labour first, but when I chose my first VBAC, I couldn't face guarenteeing the major surgery.

I think I'm a masochist! I can understand people chosing differently to me.

Still sounds an easier recovery than the OP, Pickle.

I've had both: tore (though not as badly as OP) with vaginal delivery and had emergency section. Section far easier to handle as it was in a less inconvenient place, less difficult to keep clean, less risk of infection (which I did get with vaginal tear), you don't have to sit on it, you don't have to wash it with stinging substances (urine), and it is not involved in the sexual act.

Taking a couple of weeks to recover from caesarian was nothing compared to vaginal tear: I could still feel twinges from the vaginal tear by the time dd was in junior school; by the time ds got to infants school I could barely see where the section scar was, certainly not feel it.

I don't blame you, OP. A caesarian is far worse than a normal uncomplicated vaginal, but it doesn't even begin to register compared to a bad vaginal tear.

And I struggled far more with lifting and carrying after the vaginal.

YANBU at all OP. In your situation I would have a CS like a shot. I had an ELCS and found the recovery very painful for about ten days BUT after what you endured it will be a walk in the park.

It's taken me two months to recover from my section but I don't have any other birth to compare it to, I would have loved to have had a vaginal birth. I suppose after a bad experience you want the other option whichever that is! If you think a section is right for you then of course you're not unreasonable at all to ask for one, it's absolutely your choice.

C Sections can be an easier option.

I wouldn't even say that were it not for the simple dogmatism of the 'C SECTIONS ARE NOT AN EASIER OPTION THEY ARE ALWAYS WORSE FACT!' posters.

The truth is - you can have good c sections and bad c sections. Same with vaginal births. The factors which make them a good choice for some people are complex, and are not just physical (and that varies greatly - the risks of an operation depend on factors like obesity, allergies, overall health etc) but also mental and emotional. Not all women are the same.

C sections can be easier. Note - I have not said 'ARE' - but 'CAN BE'. My recovery has been great, twice, and certainly much quicker and less painful than friends with difficult VBs. No ongoing issues, either.

I don't know what the right choice for you is OP, obvs no one does - but I think the input from other women who suffered major tearjng and trauma is useful.

I have only had an EMCS so obviously my opinion is slightly invalid, but it was horrendous.

I'll never forget how awful it felt, how terrified I was seeing my blood spurt everywhere ( even with a screen up) and the worried look on the anaesthetists face as she kept muttering "it doesn't seem to be working properly".

The recovery was long. And painful. I wouldn't reccomend it.

Yanbu. Dd is an only child and staying that way but if I had another I'd ask for one. I was in labor for 30hours and had a hard delivery after which I was told that if it had gone on for much longer I would have had an emergency C-section. I'd rather not go through that again.

Well I think this reflects the variety of experiences for both modes of delivery.

As for me, I had a baby 1 by EmCS after he got distressed in labour. Recovery great...was out in town mooching round and feeding baby in Starbucks 5 days later. Baby 2 VBAC, second degree tear, postpartum haemorrhage and terrible pelvic girdle/ SPD post birth....bedbound for a week, bad pelvic girdle pain for a year which diminshed to zero over second year. Baby 3 VBAC also, intense quick labour no tearing or grazes out of hosp in 6 hours and up immediately.

Given my experience of CS if I were you I would def go CS!!

I had a third degree tear with my last and was told by the consultant that an ELCS would be an option should I go on to have a third child, I don't see why this option shouldn't be open to you. I'm not pregnant or even planning another but I have found having the option oddly reassuring, despite having a fairly straightforward recovery from the tear. Good luck, hope it all goes well for you this time.

I had an EMCS and was recovered in a few days. Even though I had a postpartum haemorrhage, it still sounds like a day at the races compared to the bad natural births I've heard of.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

I had 3rd degree tearing with my first child in 2008 and was in agony for months afterwards but healed well.

In 2011 I had my second child and told the consultant I would prefer cs birth. He convinced me to have a vb, assured me they would check baby's position etc and do everything in their power to prevent the same again, but obviously could not guarantee no tearing.

After a horrible experience of birth again, without epidural again, my son was delivered by forceps, without my consent and with a midwife holding down each of my legs. They didn't know my son was back to back and positioned badly. I honestly thought that perhaps my anxiety about another 3rd degree tear was stopping me labouring properly but realise now that thinking just spoiled my experience. Anyway, this 3rd degree tear was not as severe as the first one but was far more difficult to recover from.

At my 12 week check up the consultant told me he expected me to manage a vb next time. So in 2012 I used another consultant for my 3rd pregnancy. Cs agreed on first meeting. Happier throughout pregnancy, no stress. After the cs I could sit down comfortably, I could stand comfortably, I could take a shit without crying! I did the school run 4 days post cs whereas I never left the house for 2 weeks after my first 2.

In my experience its far easier to recover from a cs, I managed to control pain with only paracetamol and my scar is virtually gone after 11 months. But I still suffer from mild incontinence after tearing with dc2.

So, to answer you, in your position I would be booking my cs now to give me peace of mind to enjoy my pregnancy and, indeed, the birth of my child. Good luck.

rainrainandmorerain that is true they are not always easier. A friend of mine had an ELCS with her first and felt really reassured by the whole, ELCS are a pleasant civilised way to give birth stories, but she actually found it was horrific, she just wasn't prepared for the reality of going into theatre and having an operation whilst she was awake.

I suppose it was the ELCS equivalent of expecting to sneeze the baby out after a couple of hours of controlled yoga breathing.

YANBU. I had a very straightforward delivery and no tears, but my birth plan was absolutely clear that I wanted a section if there was any reason to suppose I would have complications. In your situation I'd be pushing very hard for a section.

I think the order is probably that a straightforward vaginal delivery is the easiest to recover from, followed by an ELCS, followed by an EMCS, followed by a vaginal delivery with nasty complications, followed by an EMCS at the end of 36 hours of labour with attempted interventions! That's anecdotal based on what's happened to me and my friends, but there must be a reason why female obstetricians tend to opt for sections.