to have (or at least push for) an elective c-section?

[sandwichyear]

This is not about allocation of NHS funds btw as we live abroad.

I got bad 3rd degree tears from my first birth which I found pretty traumatic and took months to heal. I had PND and I think this really contributed. At the time I couldn't believe how people would talk about natural birth, and how they were up and about the same day. I was in horrific pain, could hardly walk, my pelvic floor was shot to pieces and sex was horribly painful for at least a year. This was with a 7.5lb baby. I generally have a high pain tolerance (did the entire labour/ birth without drugs for eg)

I've had several scans this latest pregnancy for other complications and have been told this baby is huge (will probably be over 10lbs) I know these measurements are inaccurate, but still, I'm terrified of giving birth again naturally and would love a planned C-section. I don't want to be in terrible pain/ incontinent/ have my sex life ruined etc AIBU? I know people keep saying how it's major surgery and the recovery is awful, but I also know lots of people who have recovered more easily from their c-section than I did from my natural birth. Am I just being naive?

Having tried and failed to push out a 10lb 5 oz baby (who they told me from measurements weighed between 7-8lbs) I would say YANBU!!

Had they given me the C section I requested, my DS would not have ptosis, ans so be unable to open his eye properly.

Your body, your choice op. it sounds like you have gone through hell. I'd be scared too!

oh wow! thanks so much. I can't tell you the relief i feel having people telling me generally that IANBU. I have heard so many negative comments about elective C-sections and being 'too posh to push' etc that even considering the idea was making me feel inadequate. THanks so much for making me feel better about it! This has given me the confidence to ask my doctor about it and see what she says.

I can only speak at first hand about my own experience obviously, but my ELCS was lovely. Very calm experience, theatre staff were great and very supportive, incredibly lovely to see DS for the first time. The recovery was very fast (I was careful to pace myself), within a year you could hardly see the scar.

At second hand friends have had bad and good CS experiences. All the ELCS I know of were good, EMCS were 50-50 good vs bad.

In your circs I'd choose an ELCS.

btw i certainly don't feel that the c-section will be the 'easy' option, more that it might be slightly less difficult, or at least difficult in a different and less traumatic (for me) way?

God giving birth is fun, isn't it? Hideous whatever your decision!

Op, I'm just posting to say that I had a very similar experience to you the first time round....but my second birth was significantly easier. I'm very glad I gave birth naturally now, but was petrified.

Good luck whatever you do.

I'm a believer in avoiding c sections whenever possible, but in your situation and considering the way you feel, a c section would be completely reasonable.

I had a natural birth first and then two c sections, the recovery was easier and quicker from the c sections.

I agree that's not the case for everyone, bu if you have real fears about a natural birth then it's probably the way to go.

Good luck

I've done it both ways and would say 10lb babies are perfect for elective C-sections because often if you try to do it the usual way, they need pulling out with ventouse and forceps!
C-section recovery is not necessarily horrendous unless you have complications like infection. I didn't even take any pain relief after 2 days and it is only moving which hurts a bit at first i.m.e. i wasn't in any constant pain whatsoever.
Plan for support afterwards...I think my OH had 2 weeks off work to tend to jealous toddler and I was fine after then and driving much sooner than they say (GP has to okay it).
In your situation I absolutely would make the same decision.

Anything that makes you more comfortable and happy when you give birth is a positive. Do lots of research and speak to some c-sections mums for tales of experience, and tips on how to cope with recovery.

Wanted to add mine was ELECTIVE CS and these would appear to be chalk and cheese to emergency C-sections.

I had a 3rd degree tear with my first, my elcs was far worse and took far longer to recover from so be prepared for that.

However yanbu if its what you want to do ask them, especially if the idea of a vb makes you feel anxious

I was going to say make sure you attend a VBAC clinic until I saw you live abroad - is there any way you can go through the notes of your previous labour with your midwife or consultant to get an idea of what happened last time?

I had an EMCS first time around because DS1's heartbeat was crashing, and was very unsure this time what to do as this baby's measuring even bigger than DS1. I didn't know if my EMCS was sort of a "you were so close, you have a good chance next time" or a "you never would have managed it" kind of thing.

Anyway at the VBAC clinic the obstetrician and the consultant midwife went through my previous notes and it was quite clear by the end to all of us that an elective CS will be by far the better and safer option. When they cut me open DS got wedged transverse and was too big for me to contract hard enough to turn him without adversely affecting his heartbeat. With this baby measuring even bigger they're pretty clear that the same thing could happen.

Anyway going through my own notes with the consultant MW and OB was really helpful to make a decision. I know every birth is different, and I know people who've had good and bad CS experiences, and also good and bad vaginal birth experiences - so talking to other people didn't help me make a decision at all!

I've had an EMCS and an ELCS and the recoveries were both difficult, in the sense of being tired, painful and feeling weak for a while. But a CS gives you a certain amount of predictability. The pain is manageable and you will be prescribed painkillers. And after your horrible experience I would think a CS would be a walk in the park! One thing to consider is how much help you will have afterwards. If your partner/family can stay to help with your older child that's great as not being able to lift can make life difficult.

I don't have first-hand experience, but a good friend of mine has recently had an ELCS and said it was the best thing ever. With her DS1 she had a vaginal birth - she was a tiny size 6, he was a 10lb baby. She tore really badly, lost scary amounts of blood, and took weeks to recover.

She had DS2 about 3 months ago, and after suffering badly with SPD from about 20 weeks was able to have a caesarean - she was up and making herself a cup of tea within a few hours of the birth and back to being more active than had been possible in pregnancy within a couple of weeks. If she has a DC3 she will push for another ELCS - she just needs to persuade her DH that he wants another! It took several years after DC1 for her to even consider another baby.

Yanbu.

However. You can still have things go wrong with a cs that lead to the pain, incontinence, ruined sex life etc that you mention. It happened to me. So just make sure you're fully aware of the risks, which are small but very real.

Good luck!

rallytog1 that sounds awful. So sorry you had to go through that. Do you mind me askign what went wrong? (don't feel the need to answer obviously unless you are happy to...) Thank you.

Thanks everyone for making me feel much better!

YANBU.
I had 2 planned sections ( for different medical reasons each time). they were lovely! I was relaxed and happy, talking to the midwives, nurses and doctors.

I felt confident everyone knew what they were doing; they were talking to me and explaining throughout. I had music of my choice playing, they had a laptop/video set up so I was the first to see baby! ( I was surprised at this!) and they lowered the curtain so I could see baby being pulled out. both times they were out on my chest after my husband had cut the cord and I breastfeeding (with midwife support) whilst I was being stitched up. then had 30 minutes in recovery ( my husband had to wait back in the maternity ward at this point) cuddling the baby with her on my chest as I waited for feeling to come back to my lower half.

This was a really lovely time when I just stared at my babies ( husband used the time to call family and let them know all was well) and had lots of skin to skin. I don't even remember the nurses being there, though obviously they were.

I stayed on top of my pain medication for the next 7 days so never actually felt any pain worse than period pain style cramps. I was told to stay on top of it and take pain relief at 4 hour intervals rather than when I felt pain, I think this is why I didn't feel any pain. All doctors reassured me that the pain med were fine to take while breastfeeding and would not harm the baby in any way.

Honestly, both birth experiences were amazing, calm and I had skin to skin straight away. I know a planned section is entirely different to an emergency section and of course there are risks but in your position I would absolutely be considering the same.

hope all goes well for you this time x

I've only had one baby, by elective cs. I didn't fancy hours or days of pain, or being at the mercy of the midwives and doctors for longer than necessary. I wasn't looking forward to it, but the actual event was fine. All planned, got a full night's sleep beforehand so wasn't knack erred before e baby even arrived. , i even went out for a Thai curry the night before. Didn't take that long, relaxed atmosphere in theatre pain afterwards not really bad. Walked down stairs and out of hospital 3 days later, went out for a very slow shuffle down the road 5 days after operation. Built up walking etc and within a couple of weeks was managing 20 or 30 mims. Didn't have another child to look after though...lifting a toddler would be pretty impossible. I had no problems lifting the baby though...managed hoovering wooden floors slowly and loading the dishwasher slowly within a few days.

Btw just noticed the thread title again, I am bit at pushing for a section.

I had a terrible time with ds1, failed ventouse then high forceps in theatre and ds was badly bruised and cut, he is 6 and still has the marks on his head. My tear was very bad and I had a bad infection. 2 years later ds2 was 10lb I had a lovely water birth and no probs at all. I wanted a vaginal birth so I could home to ds1. I was home 5 hours after birth.
Second time can be much easier.

YANBU

I had a third degree tear and will absolutely not give birth vaginally again. I also had PND and the pain and trauma of the first 24 hours or so definitely contributed.

Firstly, I suspect I would tear badly again, and secondly I can't imagine going into labour feeling terrified of tearing again. It's a moot point since I'm not planning a second child just yet, but if I didn't have the choice of an ELCS I'd most likely never have another.

I had a third degree tear after a forceps delivery with my first. (Forceps, tear, pph, theatre, physio and iron tablets for months after. 7.5 lb baby too).

The consultant said I was unlikely to tear as badly again. The midwife said there was every chance that I would! For me the risk of permanent double incontinence from another bad tear made the decision for me.

I went with an elective section for my second and it was a completely different and much much better experience.

Hope everything goes smoothly for you this time!

YANBU
The birth of my first child was traumatic too. I can't write the details as it would make me too upset.
I had a an ELCS with my seconded and I am very glad I did.
Yes, it's major surgery etc but for me it was much less traumatic.
Good luck.