to be getting a bit mentally drained by this friend

[dirtyface]

there is an absolutely huge back story to this. in summary, my friend has ME, has had it since she was 16. and has never had dcs, married, moved out of home etc (her parents kind of care for her i think) and a whole host of other physical and mental health problems that i think a lot of them are in her head

she is absolutely lovely. she is clever, funny, loyal, beautiful and a brilliant mate, one of the nicest women i know

the trouble is, she gets into relationships with men who mainly just cannot cope with all her problems. they inevitably act like twats, hurt her, dump her, or she dumps them for being twats. but otoh because of her myriad problems, she can't be the girlfriend that guys want, ie she won't sleep over their house, she won't see them more than a few times a week as it apparently wears her out, but then obviously that means the relationships cant move on naturally. the one or 2 nice, understanding guys she has been with, she dumps them for being too nice

she is also very attention seeking, constantly putting cryptic statuses on FB (usually re latest dodgy relationship or latest health thing) that seemed designed to elicit sympathy. i can tell lately that a lot of people are getting a bit weary of her (we have a few mutual friends) i can tell just by the lack of response on FB etc. she seems to almost revel in many of her various health problems (none of which are life threatening / limiting btw). i also think she should fight it more and tbh her family, in particular her mum is quite enabling. my mum would have told me to get a grip TBH.

i have loads going on in my own life. a home to run, kids, a husband, my own business, money problems, my own mental health problems (anxiety and depression). i worry about her a lot and its all getting a bit much.

i feel like such a cow and a rubbish friend. but its getting hard for me to support her. and i really do want to. sorry this is long but i dont want to drip feed.

so i just wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation to either me or my friend, and has any advice for me.

[TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff]

I agree dancingwithmyself Maybe from a psychiatrically healthy person's point of view, this would be fine and dropping her would be bad. As a sufferer of depression and anxiety, we have our own large problems to deal with which although doesn't and shouldn't exclude helping others suffering, makes coping with the stress a lot harder and meaning that what a lot of people could cope with and stick around for, we can't necessarily. OP, remember that you are also ill, it's not just her, and you need to make sure you can cope and your mental health won't worsen because of being with this friend.

[PrincessTeacake]

It is entirely possible for people with different conditions to be supportive of one another, the OP is feeling overwhelmed right now but it doesn't mean the relationship isn't salvageable. The ME is no excuse for her bahavior but it s also not an impediment to her becoming a better friend.

[DontmindifIdo]

Princess - yes but it does depend on the personalities of those involved - not all people with ME have the same depths of mental strength or kindness, just like people without aren't all the same.

In my case, OP, I am still friends with my friend with health issues, but I'm aware she's not someone I can ever rely on, and as such, when I'm having a tough time, I do'nt bother confiding in her, I just distance myself a bit, with someone who needs to be taking from others, then you need to only be exposing yourself to them when you are able to do that. If you aren't, there's nothing wrong with stepping away for a while until you're back able to be the friend she needs - because not only can she not be the friend you need, if you're not able to give 100% then you can't be the friend she needs either.

(BTW - you say she lives with her parents, you don't therefore have to worry she's in physical need, don't answer the phone in the middle of the night to hear her latest trauma, you don't have to talk to someone just because they want to talk to you, particularly you are ill! Take care of yourself, it's allowed!)