To be upset that I've been told by relative we've spelt DD's middle name wrong!

[lazzaroo]

so, we got a card from this relative at the weekend as it was a special occasion. Which was nice of her. In the card was a letter, 'that's nice' I thought. But the sole purpose of the note was to say we'd spelt DD's middle name wrong. We gave her 2 middle names, after nan's on both sides. 2 nan's had the same name, but she wanted to point out that her mum did not spell it how we have. She did it in a 'hope you don't mind me noting but....' way which really pissed me off.

We tried to do a nice thing by including both nan's and spelt it how we liked it (the normal way, we didn't do some random modern twist!). I just don't get the point of her saying anything. What does she expect us to do?! why say anything?!

I know I just have to ignore it but can anyone explain to me what her thinking was?!

[LynetteScavo]

OK, having thought about it, I don't think writing a note was reasonable at all . It was totally mental. And interfering. And busybodyish. To the point of being rude.

[ExcuseTypos]

Gwendoline "But when people say that they can't be bothered to find out the spelling of their grandparents' names". Where did the Op say that she couldn't be bothered?

As others have pointed out, yours and some other people's posts came across as rather heated. It's a thread about a letter from a relative. No need for the nasty posts.

[curlew]

She didn't say she couldn't be bothered. She said she chose the spelling she preferred.

[Icedink]

Gwendoline and a few others - op never referred to the grandparents as ancestors, it was another poster who said it in jest!

[SarahAndFuck]

I can't see where the OP has called the Nan's 'ancestors', can someone tell me which post of hers that was please? I think I'm having a case of the can't see for looking's

I still don't think the OP and her partner (who was the grandson of both Lilian/Lillian's) have done anything wrong.

They were known as Lily and Anne so it's fairly reasonable to assume that the OP's partner never saw them use the full version, or even anything but Nan written down. I know all three of my Grandparents names, but can't recall ever seeing them written down anywhere.

And it's reasonable to assume that the most likely spelling would have been Lillian as that's the most common way to spell it. I don't think they couldn't be bothered to find out, they knew both were Lillian and went with the spelling they liked, which is also the most usual way of spelling that name.

They could have gone with Lilyanne I suppose, if they wanted to exactly use the names both Nan's actually preferred to go by and still give their daughter their full name as well.

Given that some others in the family are also not sure about how to spell the name or even if it was actually one Nan's name at all, I think they've done quite well.

[grovel]

The name comes from the Latin for Lily (one L). Hope that helps.

[ExcuseTypos]

Well I don't see how it does help grovel

Sarah the OP hasn't referred to her grans as ancestors. It's other people who haven't read the thread properly.

[grovel]

I just wanted to show off my knowledge of the Lilium.

[Mimishimi]

"Well, lucky we didn't name her after your mum, we named her after my nan! " is what I'd be tempted to reply.

[SarahAndFuck]

No, I don't think it does help really.

Lillian is a common/popular spelling of the name and has been for a long time. It's the one the OP and her partner have preferred to use. I still think they were reasonable to assume that's how both Nan's spelled it, and I don't think it's as strange as people are saying it is here that they didn't find out for sure before using it.

It still has the same meaning and sentiment behind it, they used the spelling they prefer, both Nan's have been honoured, even the family don't seem entirely sure which Nan used what spelling and someone has wondered if one of them was even called Lillian at all. So it perhaps wouldn't have been as easy to check the name as everyone here seems to think.

They have done a nice thing, and used a nice name in the way they like it best, to honour two people the OP's partner obviously loved. I don't think she deserves the hard time she's been given here.

[neunundneunzigluftballons]

My friend had a similar situation she chose an Irish name which she spelled in a way which broke one of the fundamental rules of Irish spelling. She got a flood of messages telling her about the rule before she registered the name from people who were trying to be helpful. She was really pee'd off. I don't blame her but honestly I still think she should have spelt the name following the rule -nosey old bag that I am.

In your situation I would get back to the relative and say you were incorporating 2 names and choose your preferred spelling and leave it at that so she does not propagate her story further.

[LynetteScavo]

Mimishimi - both of DH's nans were called Lillian/Lilian and the OP's nan was called something else.

Is it only me feeling sorry for the 4th nan?

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Op - if it makes you feel better I was named after my great grandmother.

She was called *Ellie. So my parents called me Eleanor although I am generally known as Ellie.

When aforementioned great grandmother died my parents discovered her name was actually Edna. She was just called Ellie as a pet name.

Oops!

I was 5 at this point! It was one of my favourite family stories for years afterwards.

• My name is not Ellie

[bamboostalks]

Annabelle lee Her grandmother (living or dead) is an ancestor actually. I totally fail to see how that is rude or offensive. I am my children's ancestor and my parents' descendants. Fact. Very weird folk on this thread.

[lazzaroo]

This is my last visit.

The lady in question knows my daughter was named after both nan's. She knows the othe nan quite well & knows her name. As I mentioned, She referred to that in the note.

I would never, and have at no point in this thread, dismissed them as ancestors.

The 4th nan is nothing to do with this. You have no idea about my relationship with her.

It is not a case of 'not being bothered'. I take the decision of my daughters name seriously. We were trying not to offend anyone or upset anyone by seeming to favour one over the other. Clearly we failed and I have been stupid. The sentiment was there but we obviously got it wrong. And I was wrong to come on here last night.

[lazzaroo]

Thank you to those that have read my posts and understand what I have tried to explain.

[grovel]

lazzaroo, you have not been stupid and you were only wrong to come on here if you are unaware of AIBU and expected/wanted 100% support.

Your naming of your child was well-intentioned and the spelling of the name is your business.

The only issue here is how to respond (or not) to your relative's note. I wouldn't.

[YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka]

No no no, you haven't failed, you haven't been stupid. Some people on here just like to nitpick and enjoy making others feel small. Don't take it personally.

It is a lovely sentiment, and I'm sure your relative was simply informing you of the spelling out of, at best, a misguided attempt at being helpful/informative or, at worst, pedantry and an inability to leave it alone. Not malice.

[lazzaroo]

Didn't expect 100% support just didn't expect it to become about us using the name in the first place or about our relationship with them. I wanted to know what people thought about the letter to get an idea about what I should do. I guess it was more if a 'what would you do' than AIBU.

I'm not made of strong enough stuff for this topic! And so I'm taking all suggestions on board and running away....

[swampytiggaa]

My dads mum was lillian. Or lilian. I have no idea which tbh. She went as Big Lil to distinguish her from her daughter Little Lil.

Short of looking up her birth certificate i have no way of knowing her name exactly. My dad died in 1978. My nan died before that.

Just saying it isn't that odd to not know the spelling.

My other nan didn't know for certain how old she was. She reckoned her birth wasn't registered properly. Things aren't always clear cut.

[melika]

Lillian is a very lovely name, you are going to start a trend now!

[ExcuseTypos]

Lazzaroo you have not been stupid! If you'd posted this in Chat you would have had as many nit picking negative replies.
Some people just like an argument.


You've chosen a love name for a lovely reason. Don't let this thread make you feel any different.

[LynetteScavo]

1. You haven't spelled your DD's name wrong.
   

1. If the relative knew the other Lillian, she was bang out of order to point out the spelling you chose.
   

1. No, I don't have any idea about your relationship with your other nan. That was a lighthearted comment, and I obviously touched a nerve!
   

YANBU.

[Slavetothechild]

Op just ignor people having a go . Its the tought that counts , i only knew my nanny as well nanny ! People saying you should have checked would have had a filled day with my nan she had all sorts of names used on offical documents anna maria , anna , annie , ann and mary !!! so if i was to use her name i would be hard put to know which to use lol.