To be upset that I've been told by relative we've spelt DD's middle name wrong!

[lazzaroo]

so, we got a card from this relative at the weekend as it was a special occasion. Which was nice of her. In the card was a letter, 'that's nice' I thought. But the sole purpose of the note was to say we'd spelt DD's middle name wrong. We gave her 2 middle names, after nan's on both sides. 2 nan's had the same name, but she wanted to point out that her mum did not spell it how we have. She did it in a 'hope you don't mind me noting but....' way which really pissed me off.

We tried to do a nice thing by including both nan's and spelt it how we liked it (the normal way, we didn't do some random modern twist!). I just don't get the point of her saying anything. What does she expect us to do?! why say anything?!

I know I just have to ignore it but can anyone explain to me what her thinking was?!

[lazzaroo]

Ok. I don't want this thread to cause me more anxiety than the letter! So, my last attempt to explain...

*We gave DD middle name Lillian. Trying to honour 2 nan's.
*Have been informed by letter that one nan spelt her name Lilian.
*I don't know how other nan spelt her name (it's DH's nan & she chooses to use a shortened version). She hasn't objected to our choice of spelling.

[Vivacia]

I think she was just explaining, understandable if she's confused that you've named your daughter for someone but got the spelling wrong. I don't think she was being snide if she put the nice bit about it being your wishes that matter.

[Vivacia]

Cross-post. I thought there were three grandmothers called Lil(l)ian?

What happened to the fourth?

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

It is strange that you chose to name your child after 2 much loved relatives but you don't know how to spell their names even if they did go by nicknames.

[YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka]

"If she asks about it when I see her I'll explain, otherwise it won't become an issue."

Yes. This. Don't wory about the rest of it :)

[AnnabelleLee]

I thought it was just one of them you didn't check how they spelled their name. It's both you were unaware of? Seems to me like you'd ask someone, but what do I know?

[WaitingForMe]

I don't think it matters whether she intended to be helpful or not, her actions in writing the letter were rude and bitchy. As an adult she should know better.

Still, at least OP has an insight to this woman and can act accordingly. I'm surprised at the tolerance of the rudeness displayed on this thread.

[WaitingForMe]

Tolerance toward the rude relative I mean.

[lazzaroo]

I don't know why I'm still trying to explain myself as I'm clearly not very good at it. The third nan has a different name and has nothing to do with this. The fourth nan is not involved.

To be fair, my DH has known them as Nan his whole life. I think he can be forgiven for not knowing that the name had only 1 L and not 2 or whatever the spelling may be. Especially as he would never have seen her write it or use it.

I didn't ask if we were being unreasonable in using the name. I asked of her letter was unreasonable. It's done now. It was done 7 months ago when she was born and name was announced. And actually, the other nan's own daughter questioned whether her mum was a Lillian by birth so they must be a strange family.

[lazzaroo]

Sorry, don't mean to get grumpy! I'm tired and didn't expect this to become about us using the name.

Going to forget about it and go to bed!

[Vivacia]

I think Nan would have been a great middle name and solved a lot of potential problems.

[bamboostalks]

Cracking thread... Sure you're feeling sooooo much better now Lazaroo!
How very dare you not know your ancestors' exact name spellings. Hmm shame on you trying to please people.

[Vivacia]

Ancestors? You mean beloved grandparents?

(But I get your point - another AIBU takes a surprising turn for the OP).

[lazzaroo]

vivacia

Absolutely bamboo. feel crappy but my fault for asking the question! It's ok, I've got a night of about 4 hours sleep ahead to make me feel better. These little people cause stress in all kinds of ways! (mostly that they don't even know about!)

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

A grandmother close enough to name your child after has been reduced to an ancestor now? Nice. Both of my grandmothers and both of dh's went by nicknames but a quick poll has revealed that we knew what their actual names were and, surprisingly, how to spell them.

[musicismylife]

I would tell her she's got one L of a cheek.

[Squooodle]

My grandmother's middle name was Lilian, and years ago I thought about calling a dd that. Would never have occurred to me to check the spelling either! My grandma wouldn't have said a word if I had spelled it differently...

But I once sent my aunt a typewritten note (had just learned) and she sent it back to me with corrected! I also sent another granny my first published article... She sent me a note about how to improve my writing skills! Some people are just like that - I've realised they were both trying to be helpful but it felt really annoying at the time.

[YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka]

I agree with bamboo, not sure why people are giving the OP such a hard time.

I think it's a lovely sentiment, whatever the spelling may be. My DD2 has my late Granny's name as her middle name.

[breatheslowly]

I think she was a bit weird to write that letter. If this had occurred to me as a question, I wouldn't ever write a letter to the mother. I might mention it in passing to another relative who might be able to shed some light on it, but a letter to you is a bit odd.

We have some friends who have given their new baby an unusual, is-that-really-a-name name. I wouldn't dream of saying to by friend 'that's weird, what were you thinking' but I did mention to a mutual friend that I thought it was a bit unusual and she explained the background. That is what most people would do, or wait to see you in person and politely enquire.

[LynetteScavo]

Well, my grandmother always spelled her own name incorrectly - we were a bit as to what to put on the headstone.

If I'd named DD after her, I would have just gone with what I liked best.

I'm guessing the relative who sent you the not is elderly, OP. Elderly people like to talk about things that don't really mater, IME.

[AnnabelleLee]

your nan isn't a fucking ancestor! Seriously, you don't honour people with a name check without taking 5 minutes to find out their actual name! How lazy are you!

[AnnabelleLee]

"Elderly people like to talk about things that don't really mater, IME."

Fuck me thats insulting and makes you sound like an ageist twat

I hope you never get old and find out whats important to you just doesn't matter, because some young one said so.

[lazzaroo]

Please stop now about how we didn't check the spelling. I have tried to explain why. I have not referred to them as ancestors. If I thought of them that way we wouldn't have wanted our own daughter to be named after them.

I just wanted to try to understand her reasoning for writing the letter.

[IHeartKingThistle]

Sounds like she did it quite politely to me.

[MalkieFraser]

Some people on here are being so rude to the Op.

Unless she has the birth certificates of both Nans, how the hell is she supposed to know how their given names were spelt - considering they went by shortened names a of their lives??