To be upset that I've been told by relative we've spelt DD's middle name wrong!

[lazzaroo]

so, we got a card from this relative at the weekend as it was a special occasion. Which was nice of her. In the card was a letter, 'that's nice' I thought. But the sole purpose of the note was to say we'd spelt DD's middle name wrong. We gave her 2 middle names, after nan's on both sides. 2 nan's had the same name, but she wanted to point out that her mum did not spell it how we have. She did it in a 'hope you don't mind me noting but....' way which really pissed me off.

We tried to do a nice thing by including both nan's and spelt it how we liked it (the normal way, we didn't do some random modern twist!). I just don't get the point of her saying anything. What does she expect us to do?! why say anything?!

I know I just have to ignore it but can anyone explain to me what her thinking was?!

[Minoan]

My DS is named after DH's grandfather. We are not sure if he spelt it Mikael or Michael (*not that name, but same thing). It looks like both at different times. No-one gave us a hard time over it. I think the note you received was indeed a bit annoying. I am sure your DD is beautiful. Congratulations

[SarahBumBarer]

Meh - whoever used the phrase smarty pants was spot on. Just tell her that you chose the version of the name that you liked as an homage to the nans not as an absolute naming after.

[firesidechat]

OP, I have the same middle name. Even I can't remember how it is spelt on my birth certificate and I've just had to ask my husband. For some reason he always remembers.

For the above reasons I would say that it doesn't remotely matter if it is one l or two, so don't worry about it.

[Inertia]

There is no helpful reason when your baby is 7mo. It might have been more helpful before you registered the birth.

I think you are right to ignore the letter. If it is mentioned again just say something about how ypu've chosen this spelling but isn't it lovely that there's a link between the generations. The spellings don't have to be the same - your dd is the granddaughter, not a Lillian stunt double.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

If it helps, OP, my middle name was given to honour my dad's much loved grandmother. On the birth certificate it turns out that it wasn't spelled the same way after all, though my dad always insisted it was. It doesn't matter in the end because everyone who needs to know is aware that my middle name is after her - and that's what really matters.

I don't think the note sounds rude from your OP, she's just letting you know.

[ithaka]

I'd go with SarahBumBarer here - you chose the name as a homage to 2 of your daughter's nans, it does not need to be spelled exactly the same.

I think it is a lovely gesture and a pedantic letter about the spelling (and the quibbling on this thread) is completely missing the point.

I think your relative was rude and I would feel the need to explain them that you did not spell the name 'incorrectly' but the way you liked it spelled, as it is your daughter that you are naming after all.

It is a lovely name and a lovely thought. Sleep well, OP.

[breatheslowly]

I can completely understand why you didn't check the spelling. If you are naming your child after someone with a fairly common name and that name has a standard spelling, why would it occur to you to check the spelling? There are some names where you might well check the spelling - Claire, Catherine etc. But even then if you choose to use your preferred spelling rather than the original, you are still honouring their memory.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Whoa.

OP. ignore everyone. Lovely name. Spelt correctly.

[goldenlula]

Gosh, op I think the aunt was rude to point it out, the sentiment is in using the name, it doesn't have to be the exact spelling. All three of my children have a grandparent's name as their middle name, I didn't check to see how the grandparent spelt the name, we just chose the most common spelling.

[lurkedtoolong]

Jesus Christ almighty, some people here are really going off on one for no good reason. My gran died when I was 1 year old and it takes me a couple of minutes to remember her name. I would have to ask DH what his grans' names were as both used alternative/middle names. That doesn't mean that they weren't important members of the family, just that I knew them by the names they chose.

OP - your DD's middle name is lovely and the sentiment matters much more than the spelling.

[softlysoftly]

Oh my dear lord, now I'm not one for calling professionally offended but some posters on here. ...

I'm really really not sure what there is to get angry about with this op .

OP

1 - the letter was either rude or misplaced helpful either way but worth bad relations so ignore.

2 - it's a lovely name spelt correctly with a nice thought behind it. End of story

3 - please ignore clearly bonkers posters who actually have managed to get angry about this thread. Weird weird weird.

[softlysoftly]

*not worth bad relations

[SarahAndFuck]

OP I think the name is lovely.

Spelling it with two L's was probably the wise choice as it is the most common/popular spelling, plus it's the spelling you prefer.

I'm sure both Nan's would be very proud to have their name used as part of your DD's name, regardless of whichever why they spell it.

I suspect that one of them will definitely have used two L's as the other spelling is more unusual.

If it helps, I know someone named Keely. She is in her mid-twenties and has only just realised that her own name on her birth certificate is Keeley. Nobody in the family had realised either, they've all been spelling it wrong for the last twenty odd years. She's sticking with it though, she says the third 'e' is just too weird now.

Families are strange with names. They do things like say "We are going to name this baby Arthur but for the rest of his life everyone must call him Jim!"

It takes nothing away from the honour of the Nan's that you have chosen one spelling above the other. You can't exactly call her Lilian Lillian to make it fair. You have to go with what you like and if you say "we chose her middle name because her great-nan's were both called Lillian" nobody except picky aunt is going to shout "Liar! Nan 1 was called Lilian, it's totally different!" at you.

My name ends in a 'y' but the more popular spelling has an 'ie' on the end. If anyone decided to name their child after me, even with the 'ie' spelling I would be thrilled

[WeAreSeven]

Wow, some people are a little, erm, passionate about this aren't they?
OP, it's a lovely name.
And technically a grandmother is an ancestor. Presumably also a "fucking" ancestor as that's how they get to be grandmothers

I know a Julie who was named after her grandmother who was Julia. Her parents knew how to spell Julia but in the late 1960's Julia was considered old-fashioned and Julie an updated version of the same name. As far as I know the granny didn't have a conniption.

[Icedink]

Wow some of the posts on here are bizarre! I would be pissed off to receive that letter, its not her place to tell you how you should have spelt your dd's middle name ffs! I have a friend whose dd's middle name is Anne after her gm Ann - she just preferred that spelling and no one batted an eyelid or felt the need to point out her "mistake". I would write back and politely explain that its none of her fucking business you were aware of the spelling and have your reasons for spelling it that way.

[shemademedoit]

I don't think the card was sent to cause offence: she just couldn't go without saying something. However, because I'm naughty, I'd just pretend I'd never received the card, knowing it'll drive her nuts wondering why you've never replied.

[DoctorRobert]

You should have spelled it Lilllian to accomodate all Ls of all Nans.

[LynetteScavo]

AnnabelleLee when I'm I will no doubt start going on about things that other people don't think are important, such as name spellings.

I presume younger people will smile and nod like I do now.

I am indeed ageist. I've noticed very young people do this too.

[ExcuseTypos]

There are some very very strange responses on this thread. Were some people a bit over tired last night?

Ignore them OP, you asked a perfectly valid question. Seven months after the birth of a child, I would also have been a bit bemused that someone would question the spelling. Just ignore her, she's obviously got a lot of time on her hands and is a pedantic arse.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I don't want to get dragged back into this. But it's not really about the OP anymore. She chose a spelling they liked. Fair enough, no issue with that.

But when people say that they can't be bothered to find out the spelling of their grandparents' names who, after all, are only 'ancestors' then I think that's bloody weird and reserve the right on a public forum to say so. Unless the family member in question was a complete cow or absent from their life I couldn't be so disinterested in them as to not know such a basic detail. It's odd.

[curlew]

Ok. This is how I see it.

The relative who wrote the letter saw the baby's name written down for the first time. Thought "oh dear, they've used Mum's name- that's lovely, but they've spelled it wrong. I'd better tell them, just in case they find out and feel bad about it. I know, I'll just write a note, then they can do something or not as they wish" She then wrote a very tactful, apologetic note. Perfectly reasonable. She may not have even known the other grandmother was called Lilian/Lillian!

Oh, and enough with the ageist shit.

[Trills]

Presumably she only knows one of the relatives?

So she thought that you had named your daughter after Lilian and spelled it Lillian.

Perfectly reasonable of her to point it out.

Whereas in fact you named your daughter after two ladies, called Lilian and Lillian, and so chose Lillian as the spelling.

Why don't you just tell her? Actually DD has two grandmas, one Lilian and one Lillian, and we couldn't use both because it would look silly, so we had to just pick one spelling.

[2rebecca]

It's not unusual to not know how a grandparent spells their first name. Many older people use nick names and if you're sending a letter you just use their first initial so it's rare you'd see the first name written down.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

I agree with Gwendoline a couple of us said it was odd but I don't recall being angry?? I was tired though!