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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that she cannot come as well?

54 replies

cantsleep · 04/08/2013 20:41

I have not been well recently so as a surprise dh booked a spa day for me and dd and also SIL as we get on well, he has booked and paid for it.

SIL also has a teenage dd a year older than my dd. Dh hadn't invited her as well as for a start it would add an extra £100 to the bill and secondly she is always having manicures etc and dd has never had any treats like this.
SIL hadn't said there was a problem at all but today MIL phoned demanding to know why my dd was going and not SIL dd (who is her favourite gc by her own admission). In the end dh said he would have to add her to it as mil was just getting more annoyed.

To be fair, dd said she didn't really mind sil dd coming too but I am so annoyed. Many many times mil has taken sil dd to have similar treats NEVER included my dd1 yet won't allow dd to go to this with just me and sil.

I was so annoyed I told dh I will phone tomorrow and cancel it and just go alone with dd myself as I don't see why we should be pushed into paying for more than we can afford.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/08/2013 20:43

Can your SIL not pay for her to come? Or let your SIl be the one to tell her not to come.

noblegiraffe · 04/08/2013 20:44

It's your treat, do you like SIL dd?

missrlr · 04/08/2013 20:45

Tell MIL this is to make up for SIL DD unshared treats in past and stuff her. Also not invited end of. Time to stand up to MIL for both you and DH?

MrsPercyPig · 04/08/2013 20:46

Of course SIL's dd should go! It's strange to include your dd and not niece.

I do think SIL should be paying her own way (and her dd)

LazyFaire · 04/08/2013 20:46

YANBU and if it were my MIL I would tell her to take DN out herself if she is keen for her to have another treat since this is the first time your DD has had anything of the sort and you want it to be special for her. Pointedly, but then I'm prone to bitchyness and maybe you aren't..

How GPs can say something like that and be so favouritist is beyond me, my parents and GPs (and my partners) would never dream of it.

Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 20:47

SIL can't afford it. Dh was paying for the 3 of us but we can't add another 100 to it its just too expensive then.

Sil was ok with it, mil is the one with a bee in her bonnet.

I just want dd to have a special day. As much as I like sil dd she has had similar treats often and dd has not been included.

OP posts:
MrsPercyPig · 04/08/2013 20:48

What ages are the girls?

ALittlePeeved · 04/08/2013 20:48

What do you mean she "won't allow" unless MIL is paying for your niece she has no say so and your DH should tell her as much. Does he always give in to her demands?

Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 20:51

I think it is mostly the fact that on so many occasions mil has literally passed our road with dn taking her to get nails done/shopping etc and not included dd that I wanted dd to feel 'special'.

Dn is a lovely girl but I think dd needs some time with me. I get on well with sil I think that was why dh had booked it for her too as he thought itd be nice but all the pressure from mil has sort of ruined the idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 20:59

MIL is just an interfering baggage, usually we avoid/ignore but she has huge issues over her favourite gc and since they were little its been a case of if dd ever had anything dn was immediately bought the same,etc.

Mil lived with dn for first few years so they are incredibly close which I think has caused the 'favourite' situation. Dn is 13.

I know they would probably both enjoy the day but its expensive for tteats dn has already experienced, it was swimming, nice lunch, manicure and afternoon tea. I feel bad now saying I don't want her to come but I so want dd to feel special.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 21:02

I wish dh had just kept it as dd and me but I think he just assumed it would be nice to include sil as we get on well.

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 04/08/2013 21:07

You don't have to agree. She doesn't have any actual power to 'not allow'. You have to choice to say no and just let her get on with her tantrum.

thebody · 04/08/2013 21:07

yes maybe should just be you and dd. however your real headache is your dead soft dh who should have told his mother to ( as another thread says) do one!!

thebody · 04/08/2013 21:09

and tell your sil its just for you and dd now as her own mother has spoilt it.

Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 21:10

He is usually quite good about saying no to mil but he just said how as it involved dn it would escalate and he would add dn as it would be nice for dd to have the company anyway.

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 04/08/2013 21:13

It's not your MIL's business. Tell your DH to man up and stand up to her.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 04/08/2013 21:14

I would uninvite your SIL, and explain you could only afford for 3 to go. Then your SIL has the option of saying her DD will remain at home, or she will pay for her DD, or neither will be there.
Have a lovely Mother and Daughter day instead.

MissStrawberry · 04/08/2013 21:17

Your MIL is a bully. Why are you allowing yourself to be bullied?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 04/08/2013 21:21

DON'T uninvite anyone! Why on earth should your MIL get any say in the day at all?!?

But really, if she's complaining to your DH, it is for him to tell her to fuck the fuck off.

marciaoverstrand · 04/08/2013 21:22

God this sounds like my darling mil.
She and fil used to take the other dgc on holidays, have parties at their house, no invite for my dds.
We had a big blow up about it and didn't speak for a few years, luckily dh agreed with me and told them where to go!
Enjoy yr day on your own with your DD.
Mine are grown up and still have very little to do with dhs family.
They knew they were treated differently.

TheSecondComing · 04/08/2013 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gordyslovesheep · 04/08/2013 21:24
  1. your DH needs to tell your MIL to keep her nose out
  2. Tell SIL you can't afford to pay for her daughter
  3. Find a different Spa - £100 per person for a DAY SPA is a rip off
MortifiedAdams · 04/08/2013 21:25

I would only invite DN if it bothered SIL. Id say "iI dont mins taking both girls if you want to give DN your ticket?"

bettykt · 04/08/2013 21:27

Invite dn but ask MIL to cough up the extra £100, let's see how keen she really is on her going then. Don't uninvite SIL, seems a bit mean.

Nerfmother · 04/08/2013 21:36

Sounds really petty tbh - you could prove your dd is special without deliberately excluding the other one. Two mothers, one daughter, one left out? Sounds childish.

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