Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that she cannot come as well?

54 replies

cantsleep · 04/08/2013 20:41

I have not been well recently so as a surprise dh booked a spa day for me and dd and also SIL as we get on well, he has booked and paid for it.

SIL also has a teenage dd a year older than my dd. Dh hadn't invited her as well as for a start it would add an extra £100 to the bill and secondly she is always having manicures etc and dd has never had any treats like this.
SIL hadn't said there was a problem at all but today MIL phoned demanding to know why my dd was going and not SIL dd (who is her favourite gc by her own admission). In the end dh said he would have to add her to it as mil was just getting more annoyed.

To be fair, dd said she didn't really mind sil dd coming too but I am so annoyed. Many many times mil has taken sil dd to have similar treats NEVER included my dd1 yet won't allow dd to go to this with just me and sil.

I was so annoyed I told dh I will phone tomorrow and cancel it and just go alone with dd myself as I don't see why we should be pushed into paying for more than we can afford.

AIBU?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 04/08/2013 21:36

Re: day rate for Spa, £100 is on the higher end of the scale, but not necessarily a rip off.

I had a girley day at Champneys Tring with my best friend 2 weeks ago and it was awesome. You got lunch included plus full use of all facilities, eg swimming pool, sauna, jacuzzi, then we did a free 1 hour yoga class, we had a massage, manicure or pedicure and they have lovely Champneys lotions and potions in all the changing facilities. We came away feeling like a million dollars, so the £100 was a worthwhile investment!

raisah · 04/08/2013 21:38

Tell your MIL that you are happy that she is offering to pay for your dhs niece to come & see how she responds. If she is always treating her then she can dip into her purse & treat again. It's not good that she is favouritising one gc over the other as it will ultimately cause resentment amongst the parents.

Redlocks30 · 04/08/2013 21:41

I would cancel and go with your daughter. This is revolting behaviour on the part of your in-laws and your DH is being a complete pushover in allowing it. Cancel it and ring your sister in law to say MIL pressured your DH into adding her daughter and frankly you can't afford another £100 and are really cross you have been put in that situation.

Redlocks30 · 04/08/2013 21:42

I'd have only gone with DD OR SIL in the first place though, tbh.

PuggyMum · 04/08/2013 21:45

£400 for a day out is a heck of a lot of money. Even £300 for 3 of you! Spa days for kids seem such a waste to me!

I'd prefer a weekend away with dh and dd for that kind of money.

NoComet · 04/08/2013 21:48

I'd have thought that your DD would like her cousins company.

DD2 would absolutely hate being the only youngster. dD1 wouldn't mind, but DD1 is not a typical teen.

TheYoniWayIsUp · 04/08/2013 21:48

TBH, I think YABU. If you wanted it to be 'special' for your DD then your SIL shouldnt have been included. I think a teenage girl would feel pretty shitty actually to watch their mum and auntie and similar aged cousin go out and not include them. I'm surprised your SIL agreed to it in the first place. How would your DD. feel if this was arranged for you, SIL and your niece? It isn't DN's fault you DD gets fewer treats than she does.

Cherriesarelovely · 04/08/2013 21:52

Has your DH mentioned to your MIL the issue about the Dn getting so many more treats? It seems unfair that this hasn't been mentioned. On balance I probably would cancel it and then go at some point with just you and Dd.

EugenesAxe · 04/08/2013 21:53

I think your MIL is behaving badly but I kind of feel this isn't DN's fault. Actually given that everyone was cool how it was, MIL can just shove it.

Sorry, I was going to say you are punishing DN when your beef is with MIL... but you aren't really punishing her given she and everyone was OK with the original plan. As already mentioned by others, a good compromise would be that MIL pays. You could easily be non-confrontational; just say that you could not afford to pay for her as well and that SIL/DN were both happy with that, but that if it means that much to MIL perhaps she could pay? A reasonable person could hardly protest.

gordyslovesheep · 04/08/2013 21:54

you'd get Champneys cheaper than that - I have - shop around

StuntGirl · 04/08/2013 21:57

I don't see anything wrong with treating your daughter too, she'll probably feel quite grown up having a spa day with her mum and aunt. I certainly wouldn't be paying more than I can afford for someone else, so the niece would be a no-no for me simply for that.

MissStrawberry · 04/08/2013 22:01

Everyone is missing the point.

It was the OP's HUSBAND who booked for the SIL and not her child too and the MIL who is having a tantrum about it. The OP has done nothing wrong so doesn't deserve all the shouting at she is getting.

Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 22:03

MIL is generally annoyed with me over other issues, she has asked to come on holiday with us for the last 2 years and we said no as prefer to go just us and she wants to have a massive family holiday.

She accuses me of "taking" dh away from them and said that at some point he will "walk away without a second glance". She assumes that I dictate to dh that he cannot go out as he prefers to spend time with dcs than go to the pub with her.

She asks constantly for him to take her food shopping/cut her grass/ hekp with diy and he says no as she is a complete piss taker in every way.
I think he just misjudges it when inviting SIL too and assumed as we get on that itd be nice for me to have dd there and sil to chat to as well, he didn't intentionally leave dn out (he is a scatterbraon so probably didn't think that it would cause problems).

Dd thought it would be a special day for her but was fine when dh changed it and said she didn't mind dn coming.
DN is really nice, I have nothing against her and can see that her and dd would probably have a giggle and feel grown up and me and sil could chat.

Its the thought of MIL being all smug about it that gets me.Especially after how she has been lately. All the things we have said no to and annoyed her and now she will be feeling like she has got her own back and it irritates me.

Dh said its not the end of the world, tbh although it will cost more he said at least I will still get a nice day with dd and that's all he wants after how ill I've been.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 22:08

I do feel sorry for dh-he was really only trying to book a treat for me. Doubt he had any idea this would happen.

MIL text him about 10 mins ago saying how even though dn had now been invited because of her it was still obvious the poor girl was just "an afterthought".
DH explained he honestly just hadn't thought it could be seen as unfair and also that it was quite expensive too but it was resolved now but she replied with "Good, it wasn't fair to leave DN out like that, why should just DD go" !!!!! That's rich coming from her.

He told her to get lost (with slightly different words)!

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 04/08/2013 22:12

Your dh has done enough and what a lovely treat for you allSmile
If mil is the one causing trouble, ask her to pay for dn, your dh has forked enough out already. Paying for dn aswell would be taking the piss!

ourlittlestreet · 04/08/2013 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ourlittlestreet · 04/08/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ourlittlestreet · 04/08/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serialdrinker · 04/08/2013 22:30

Being logical it will probably be better for DN to come (as I've seen she now is). However I'd be asking MIL to cough up for DN place and ask where the £100 treat for your DD is? I'd also hand her a few leaflets for local charities and tell her 'it has come to my attention you have a lot of time on your hands to get involved in things, take a look at these and find one to sign up to'.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/08/2013 22:34

I would be tempted to text MIL with "I will now expect DD to be included in all treats you bestow on DN. Because it isn't fair that she is always being left out."

Make the bitch her regret sticking her nose in.

Sister77 · 04/08/2013 22:36

YANBU aside from the whole dn being favourite gc stuff, YOUR dh booked it, he could afford to pay for your daughter so did and also thought to treat sil.
People forget that you are allowed to treat your kids and not other people's, it depends on expendable income and to people who are posting re expensive day and how it's too much for young kids, it's your daughter your choice.
Have a great time and just to piss mil of, text her and say we were going to surprise you and take you but because you kicked up a big stink about dn going, she's had your place....

pigletmania · 04/08/2013 22:38

It's none of MIL business, your dh should stand up to her. SIL is ok with it so what's the problem!

Original poster
cantsleep · 04/08/2013 23:01

I'm sure it will be a lovely day and perhaps will be nicer for dd to have company.

MIL can be as smug as she likes, I can't let it affect me or I will go mad. We will just go for a nice day and I will put her out of my mind as she isn't worth it.

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 05/08/2013 00:16

I feel a bit sorry for the SIL's DD left out. I think if SIL comes, she does too. If SIL's DD is always having manicures, etc, surely SIL can afford to pay for herself and DD.

Why can't SIL pay for herself?

holidaysarenice · 05/08/2013 00:25

Your mil gets no say. She can allow or not allow whatever she likes it doesn't make a blind bit of difference.

She wants to take her gd, suggest she takes them both as her treat!