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Original poster

Another thread about facebook and judging other people's parenting

102 replies

catgirl1976 · 04/08/2013 12:22

A friend (work colleague really rather than friend) has just posted some mawkish shite about CIO and that she is "anti" it.

I wouldn't do CIO though we did use CC.

However, the thing that annoys me is, if you are "anti" a parenting technique, just don't do it. No one is forcing you to. You can parent your child any way you like. Why post about it on facebook? Just do what works for you and get on with your life FFS.

OP posts:
LimitedEditionLady · 04/08/2013 16:14

I didnt use it because I didnt need to i was lucky enough to have a baby who settled easily,i can understand why parents decide to and have heard this method being offered as advice,if it works for you then it works for you.Only you know what works best for your family,sod anyone who thinks they know better.

youarewinning · 04/08/2013 16:23

MrsDV That picture was probably of my DS. He use to think reins were some kind of bungee jumping invention for babies Grin

I agree OP. I hate the cryptic ones the worst though or the ragey ones.
"I can't believe what the vile bitch has done now, I'm raging, RAGING, I tell you. She'd better stay away from me"

Of course we all know who they mean as we've had the drip feed of info across the new feed for months.

Tee2072 · 04/08/2013 16:26

Snerk. One of my friends just posted a cryptic FB status. I refuse to engage. I had to hide her for awhile and may do so again!

Nicknamegrief · 04/08/2013 23:20

Wonderfully put hackmum.

Goldenbear · 04/08/2013 23:51

Well a lot of people believe social media can be used for social change and there is truth in that. It is not a passive aggressive activity if you're trying to make a serious point about something that is morally repugnant to a lot of people. CIO, would reasonably fall into that category to some and and as such is NOT just a personal decision. I have to say I'm strongly opposed to it and when a friend of my DPs asked his wife to close the door on his 3 week old baby so we couldn't hear her crying, it confirmed to me that he was the 'wanker' I always suspected him to be- it was neglect as they were neglecting the needs of a 3 month old baby. This was CIO not CC. I had a 2 year old at the time who'd slept through the night a few times and didn't sleep through consistently until he was 4.5 spin knew what sleep deprivation was.

embracethemuffintop · 05/08/2013 01:20

Who decides what is abusive? Social Services? Government? Society? Things that were commonplace in the 50s would be considered abusive now (leaving babies out in the garden all day only brought in for feeding every four hours). Hitting children with a belt would also have been commonplace then. In the 50s, what parents did in 18th century would have been considered abusive (leaving babies to be swaddled and hung up by the door on hooks with gruel rags hung in the mouths). The 'norm' today seems to be that people only consider sexual, physical (except smacking), verbal (severe swearing etc), or neglectful acts towards children actually abusive. However, there are many, many people (myself included) who think that anything that causes a child considerable distress (CIO, CC, time-out, verbal-bashing) abusive. What I deem to be abusive is very much not in line with what social services deem abusive. I know that so often going to parks, shopping centres etc and seeing children be routinely smacked and spoken to like crap, or ignored, is very, very hard for me (harder for them though!), but I totally agree with goldenbear that social media is an excellent tool for social change and it is clearly working as more and more parents are taking a more gentle approach to child rearing. Why are we so obsessed with NOT judging others parenting? Isn't it a good thing to be judgemental about ours and others parenting because it is such an important thing. It's how society evolves and how we get better at it. Does everyone really think they couldn't be a better parent?

attheendoftheday · 05/08/2013 08:06

Good post embrace .

Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 08:18

God , opening up Facebook to be greeted with a cryptic status, some 'inspirational' made up bollocks about a child with disability making the winning home run, mawkish shit about 'like this to stop bad things happening everywhere, forever'
I would rather beat my head bloody with a club.

What's wrong with links to a penguin who looks like Hitler?

MrsDeVere · 05/08/2013 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 05/08/2013 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrigginRexManningDay · 05/08/2013 08:23

It offends pelicans Pag

MiaowTheCat · 05/08/2013 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldenbear · 05/08/2013 09:16

Personally, I wouldn't be the instigator of such a campaign on FB but it's undeniable that social media is a force to be reckoned with now. I think people who don't think this , usually, but not always, belong to an older generation. Technology driving social change is here to stay whether you choose to believe it or not.

Despite misleading advice in some literature, a baby's cry cannot be identified as 'fussing' or in 'pain' and so the CIO method is absolutely wrong, in that you don't know if you're leaving the child you are meant to be protecting, to fuss or in pain, if you're an advocate of 'leaving them to it'. It is nonsense to say having an opinion on a something highlights your own insecurities. It is an opinion much like I have for a certain style of politics or how the Economy is being run. WTF has that to do with self esteem and insecurity or whatever pseudo-psychological asessment was mentioned above!

Goldenbear · 05/08/2013 09:16

Personally, I wouldn't be the instigator of such a campaign on FB but it's undeniable that social media is a force to be reckoned with now. I think people who don't think this , usually, but not always, belong to an older generation. Technology driving social change is here to stay whether you choose to believe it or not.

Despite misleading advice in some literature, a baby's cry cannot be identified as 'fussing' or in 'pain' and so the CIO method is absolutely wrong, in that you don't know if you're leaving the child you are meant to be protecting, to fuss or in pain, if you're an advocate of 'leaving them to it'. It is nonsense to say having an opinion on a something highlights your own insecurities. It is an opinion much like I have for a certain style of politics or how the Economy is being run. WTF has that to do with self esteem and insecurity or whatever pseudo-psychological asessment was mentioned above!

MrsDeVere · 05/08/2013 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Overreactionoftheweek · 05/08/2013 10:25

goldenbear what age do you define a baby? My son had an angry cry from 3 months on, so I could definitely tell his mood from his crying quite early on.

I know public opinion can shift a lot over time, but I really really hate seeing time outs, cc etc. being described as abuse. It just isn't and I feel it's insulting to the children who really are going through horrific things.

Goldenbear · 05/08/2013 13:29

I would definitely say a 3 month old is a baby- of course that is just my opinion and for the record that opinion (fact) are not a reflection of my insecurities as a parent. It is misleading to say a tone of cry is detectable because there is no categorical evidence to support that.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 05/08/2013 13:48

I;ve just spent the last 5 minutes Googling penguins that look like Hitler

And then getting side tracked by cats that look like Hitler

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 14:30

Cats that look like Hitler are fantastic.
I took a chance there would be a penguin. I am an optimist.

Goldenbear
I am not saying that i disbelieve social media is a driving force.
i just think that 90% of the time it's mawkish, antagonist, self important, hectoring guff-puffery.

Davsmum · 05/08/2013 14:34

All these different 'parenting techniques' get on my nerves.
All you need is common sense and logic - and if you haven't got that then you are fucked anyway cos nothing will work properly.

DuelingFanjo · 05/08/2013 14:36

I don't share my thoughts because I think it will change the minds of people who think differently.

I share my thoughts to show the people who already think like me that they are not alone.

ICBINEG · 05/08/2013 14:37

Well I was going to agree..but then people came on asking what crying it out meant.

That means that these facebook messages might be useful in letting people know what these things mean and also what the 'collective consciousness' thinks of them.

I may be wrong but I feel like the hive mind currently thinks that CIO is borderline unacceptable unless you have unusual circumstances etc.

I think knowing that is useful to parents so they can judge their own behaviour and circumstances and have more confidence in their decisions....

I mean it is socially unacceptable to turn up too tired to work for week on week on week...so you can balance that against the socially unacceptableness of CIO...and reach your on balance...

But you can't if you don't know what it is or what others think of it...

Goldenbear · 05/08/2013 14:44

Yes I see your point Pagwatch and I like the 'Guff-puffery' term.

Pagwatch · 05/08/2013 14:49

It was a sort of autocorrect accident really Goldenbear, but it is good isn't it Grin

ICBINEG · 05/08/2013 14:50

ohhh serendipitous guff puffery....even better

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