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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not quash my ds aspirations?

81 replies

Isthisoneleft · 04/08/2013 08:43

My 8 year old ds when asked the question what he wants to be when he grows up responds:

I want to go to University to study sport, and become a professional footballer, if I can't become a professional footballer I am going to be a train driver and play football in my spare time.

He will no longer answer the question when asked anymore. Because adults laugh at him when he says he's going to become a professional footballer and tell him he lacks ambition and is boring to want to be a train driver.

It breaks my heart to see his face when he has his dreams crushed. I personally think it's an absolutely acceptable aspiration to have.

AIBU to think that others should either keep their mouths shut or offer supportive murmurings? There is a long time before he's a grown up and he may change his mind many times before he gets there, but whatever he chooses to do and achieves I will fully support him.

What do your children want to be when grown up? And do you ever talk them out of any suggestions? If so, why?

OP posts:

Fancies40Winks · 04/08/2013 08:45

People are dicks. People probably laughed at most of the Premiership when they were little and said they wanted to be footballers. And nothing wrong with wanting to be a train driver either. I don't see why people have to be so wantonly cruel to children. Eight years old and already censoring himself for fear of.public opinion? Disgusting.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 04/08/2013 08:48

Yanbu - who are these people who deem dream-quashing acceptable? Who does that?

DD1, aged 8, wants to be an art teacher, and has done for a while. I think she'd be brilliant at it , even now.

Fancies40Winks · 04/08/2013 08:51

Sorry. That didn't answer any of your questions.

I don't have children but I see no harm in supporting their dreams. I can't think of any career I would discourage them from, although I would try to encourage strong academics as a back up.

Oddly, my aunts talked me out of a career in medicine. I got As in science A Levels, am calm in emergency situations, cope well with shifts and am not in the least bit squeamish. I reckon I could have done ok.

Wishfulmakeupping · 04/08/2013 08:55

What did you study instead fancies

Angelina7 · 04/08/2013 08:59

Well there has got to be a good number of professional footballers in the world at any given time, so why not him? ....he's even got his train driver backup plan, it's not like he wants to be an astronought, if not then the prime minister, and even so it's surely good to be supportive but also let them know of the dedication needed to become whatever it is they choose and possible realistic paths to take to get there. I wanted to be a stage actress growing up, and I got that same response from adults, a lot of the time ...laughing etc, I changed my career path since but I do work in the theatre, alongside actresses everyday and I see now how it's not a laughable career, there are a lot of actresses surviving perfectly well in their career choice, and it takes all personalities, backgrounds & shapes/sizes. As long as you give him confidence as well as perspective, it doesn't matter about anyone else :-)

SanityClause · 04/08/2013 09:07

DD2 has wanted to be a vet since she was about 5. She is now 12.

I'm not sure it is what she really wants, as although she loves animals, she can be a bit nervous around them. BUT I would never tell her that!

What we will do is get her doing lots of volunteering with animals, over the next few years, which you have to do, anyway, to get into the courses. That way, she will soon discover for herself if it really is for her.

(And I will be delighted to be proved wrong!)

My parents limited my expectations - my mother failed matriculation (A level standard) and believed it was because she was young in her year. (Actually, it turns out she has Aspergers, and it is quite common for people with Aspergers to underachieve relative to their potential.)

Anyway, as I was young in my year, she said I would probably fail at that stage as well. Well, I didn't fail, but I didn't do anywhere near as well as I should have done. Then, she put up all sorts of barriers to me going to university. These were because of her fears.

I often look back at my life with regret that I could have achieved so much more.

Fancies40Winks · 04/08/2013 09:08

wishful I did a degree in maths (at oxford, something else people might have laughed at - people from where I'm from don't go to oxford) then realised office based work doesn't suit me and joined the police. The same aunt described my application as "nonsense." Bitch.

formicadinosaur · 04/08/2013 09:10

I tell my kids they can be anything they want. And I believe it. Eldest son wants to be a writer and illustrator. You gets wants to be a giraffe.

TheSmallClanger · 04/08/2013 09:11

He sounds as if he is quite astute for his years!

There is nothing wrong with being a train driver. It is a good career if you can get in. Also, when I was at junior school, it was a very popular choice among the boys in my class, one of whom was gutted that his colour-blindness and bad eyesight disqualified him from it.

formicadinosaur · 04/08/2013 09:11

Youngest wants to be a giraffe

HebeJeeby · 04/08/2013 09:13

Don't squash his aspirations, we all have dreams and why couldn't he be a footballer or a train driver. My DD (age 6) used to want to be a giraffe as she loves 64 Zoo Lane, that has recently changed to now wanting to be the Tooth Fairy. I just think how lovely and frankly don't care what she does for a living as long as she does dome sort of job to the best of her abilities and is happy.

DontCallMeBaby · 04/08/2013 09:14

DD wants to be a writer, teacher, and if she could also be, a singer. She's 9. Funny thing is, she's only recently realised that teaching is the most practical career plan out of those - due to very low turnover in her school she'd got it into her head that there are very few jobs in teaching!

I wanted to be a pilot, a zookeeper, and then a barrister. At about 16 I decided I wanted to be a civil servant. That's MUCH more boring than a train driver. Even more boringly, I AM a civil servant.

BlueBumedFly · 04/08/2013 09:15

DD is 6 and wants to be a ballerina or an artist, I'll fuel those dreams, dreams are what we live for all of us. Children's dreams should be nurtured not scoffed as, so no, YANBU in the slightest.

Formica - I'd quite like to be a giraffe too, they seem so calm :)

Hellelujah · 04/08/2013 09:15

Is your son good at football?

Are you prepared to take him to practice / games 7 days a week and drive him all over the country?

My DD wants to be a professional athlete. nobody quashes her dream because:

a) she's very good at it and
b) it's a niche sport and
c) she totally has our support. Ie we buy her all the expensive kit she needs and take her all over the country.

In fact right now she's in Holland competing in the European championships. It's not just a dream. It's something she works at every day.

CormoranStrike · 04/08/2013 09:18

At various points in my childhood I wanted to be a florist, an archeologist, a policewoman and a journalist.

At no point do I remember my parents offering either derision or encouragement

Iaintdunnuffink · 04/08/2013 09:20

What kind of adults would say stuff like that to an 8 year old

My 8 year old wants to go into science and specialise in DNA and plans to do his post grad in the US. He is going to experiment altering animals. There's a plan to create a mini woolly mammoth for Mothers Day for me. He also wants to join the army to blow things up! As long as he doesn't combine the two and create genetically modified animals of mass destruction. I would choose not to include that on my proud parent Facebook updates.

The other one wants to be a professional computer game player.

BigBoPeep · 04/08/2013 09:22

Ugh I hate this shitty attitude, I grew up around it and believe it set my career back. As a result I'm going to be much more supportive of my daughter - whatever crazy shit she dreams up to do, I'll help her! Real life soon happens and will naturally show them what is/isn't possible.

As an aside, do they know what train drivers can earn!? Perfectly acceptable occupation!

FortyFacedFuckers · 04/08/2013 09:25

My 7 year old wants to be a real footballer if he can't be that he will be a manager or a referee I just smile and nod I would never let anyone take his dream away from him.

littlemisswise · 04/08/2013 09:26

DS1 has wanted to join the Armed Forces since he was about 7. We have supported him all the way. He's 18 now, he doesn't spend his spare time in the pub, on the PS3 etc he's in the gym or out running. He has no 'plan b'.

DS2 has always been interested in medical things. For a long while he wanted to be a physiotherapist, now he wants to be a nurse. He is always the child who helps the one who is travel sick, or the one who falls over. He will be a brilliant nurse.

I personally really dislike it when people shatter children's aspirations.

Fancies40Winks · 04/08/2013 09:26

Iaint my ex tested games in development for bugs, he actually did play computer games for a living, your DC is in with a chance :)

TolliverGroat · 04/08/2013 09:28

It might be worth pointing out that if he's going to be a professional footballer then he won't be likely to go to university first. I knew someone who when interviewing for City law firms in his early twenties would start his response to "Why do you want to work for X?" with "Well, to be honest, I'd really rather be a professional footballer..." and it seemed to do him no harm.

Being a train driver is a good solid job with a decent salary.

LillyNotOfTheValley · 04/08/2013 09:28

YANBU: So many people will be there to quash their dreams when they grow up.. DCs should be as naive as they can!

Spoken from a mother of a half time President of the US/Halftime fireman DS! (but yesterday he found out that being a sea lion would be pretty cool also.. )

xylem8 · 04/08/2013 09:29

the other side oe the coin is those x factor hopefuls who have been misled to believe they are talented

MissMarplesBloomers · 04/08/2013 09:30

How sad folks can be so negative.

My youngest DD (16) has wanted to be an astronaut since age 7. She is obsessed with space and all things spacey.

Seeing her face glow with excitment when we visited NASA when she was 10 & her disappointment when she discovered you had to be a US citizen to be on the programme made me realise how serious her ambition is.

She has now switched her attention to ESA and is doing Maths & Physics for A-level. We shall see, she is quite realistic that she might not be the one chosen to go up but knows thereis an army of boffins that help each mission so may end up there.

She has stopped saying she want to be an astronaut after a few incredulous reactions.

123bucklemyshoe · 04/08/2013 09:31

Support their dreams as much as you can. My little boy wanted to be a dinosaur for years...now he wants to be a trap maker....

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