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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not quash my ds aspirations?

81 replies

Isthisoneleft · 04/08/2013 08:43

My 8 year old ds when asked the question what he wants to be when he grows up responds:

I want to go to University to study sport, and become a professional footballer, if I can't become a professional footballer I am going to be a train driver and play football in my spare time.

He will no longer answer the question when asked anymore. Because adults laugh at him when he says he's going to become a professional footballer and tell him he lacks ambition and is boring to want to be a train driver.

It breaks my heart to see his face when he has his dreams crushed. I personally think it's an absolutely acceptable aspiration to have.

AIBU to think that others should either keep their mouths shut or offer supportive murmurings? There is a long time before he's a grown up and he may change his mind many times before he gets there, but whatever he chooses to do and achieves I will fully support him.

What do your children want to be when grown up? And do you ever talk them out of any suggestions? If so, why?

OP posts:
youarewinning · 04/08/2013 10:45

My DS(8) wants to be allsorts - ranging from fireman, policeman though to train driver, owning his own funfair, inventing new cars etc!

I just want him to be happy.

CecilyP · 04/08/2013 10:46

Those adults sound quite nasty.

When my nanny friend's little charge had a think about his future and said, 'I think I would like to drive a train', I thought it was really sweet - as if nothing had changed in a hundred years.

While professional football is very competitive, there are plenty of boys who do make it. He would be better getting an apprenticeship with a local club than studying sport at university. However, many of those apprentices are looking for a proper job at 20, so it is always good to have a Plan B and your DS's Plan B sounds perfectly sensible and actually quite well paid.

TheSecondComing · 04/08/2013 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rufus43 · 04/08/2013 10:51

My ds2 wants to be a footballer and if he can't do that he is going to be a basketball player ( he is really short)

The only thing I have said to him is that it's nice to have a backup if he gets injured (nice copout there!)

So he is going to be an accountant like his daddy ( so very boring!)

If you try and boost his confidence that's the important thing, tell him to ignore silly people who obviously never had any aspirations themselves ( unless you hang round with rock stars and actors in which case that's going to sound a bit dumb)

CircassianLeyla · 04/08/2013 11:03

That is lovely that he has a plan. I hate it when people say stupid things like that.

DS1 also wants to be a footballer. He is really not very good but he loves it and who am I to crush him aged 7. He is very good at writing so we often discuss sports journalism as a way to indulge. He has varied interests and is good at lots of things so whilst I will take him to clubs etc I would no way tell him it is unlikely to happen.

DS2 has wanted to be a farmer since I can remember and had recently added primary school teacher to his list.

I always wanted to be a writer and a teacher. I am doing a degree so might still be and I will write one day.

We should never lose sight of our dreams whether we are 6 or 60.

ThreeMusketeers · 04/08/2013 11:04

OP, it's your responsibility to be honest with your children about the possibility of their 'dreams' coming true, also about the actual lifestyle their chosen profession will afford them.

Perhaps 8 is a tad too young and one should let their Dc dream whatever takes their fancy as it's likely to change and change again.

However, teens must be told by their parents, what type of lifestyle to expect if one decides to become a make-up artist/media professional(ahem)/footballer/fashion designer/actor/etc.

Also, that to become a 'professional football player' the said teen should be playing at national junior level at least or forget about the whole thing as completely unrealistic and unattainable goal.

Same goes for actors and fashion designers; the world is littered with 'not-quite-made it's' who are lucky to make minimum wage.

Realistic aspirations that match the expectations of lifestyle are the way to go.

Dayshiftdoris · 04/08/2013 11:25

3 musketeers

There is a whole world between 'forgetting it' and 'making it'

I was once taught painting & drawing by a bloke who was a talented painter... He loved his craft but he said he wasn't good or unusual enough to be anymore than a well known local artist and that when he realised that he decided to teach others... He said his mum gave him the idea Smile
He was 80 when he taught me at evening class and be taken those classes for nearly 50years plus he'd been an art teacher at the local secondary school. A number of people I mentioned him to said 'u can draw because of him - he's amazing'

Good job he wasn't told he was being unrealistic and he certainly wasn't a 'not quite made it'

He's unfortunately died - I only knew when I saw a write up in the paper about a show of his work at a local gallery Hmm

Bowlersarm · 04/08/2013 11:32

ThreeMusketeers that's rubbish. Football players do not have to play at national level to become a professional football player Confused. There are many many professional footballers who do not play for their country.

edam · 04/08/2013 11:40

He's 8, FGS, who are these feckers squashing an eight year olds dream? Good grief, if you can't say you want to be X or Y when you are eight without stupid, tactless, bossy adults making unwarranted snide comments, what the hell is the world coming to?

I know it's hard to become a professional footballer but ffs, let a little boy dream.

Sometimes childhood dreams do work out, btw. I wanted to be a writer, and I am. OK, I wanted to be a novelist and grew up to be a hack instead, but it's close enough (and as close as I want to get, these days).

CircassianLeyla · 04/08/2013 11:44

Edam, what is a hack? Blush

ExitPursuedByABear · 04/08/2013 11:44

People are so thoughtless and heartless. Dd (13) wants to be an equine vet. I don't think she has the right skill set but I would never discourage her.

LilacPeony · 04/08/2013 11:47

Because adults laugh at him when he says he's going to become a professional footballer and tell him he lacks ambition and is boring to want to be a train driver.

Who are these people who are reacting in this way?? I think most of my friends and family would say "Ooh how lovely." in reponse to an 8 year old saying that.

Xiaoxiong · 04/08/2013 11:57

So is the consensus to be supportive but inject a dose of realism around 16ish when A-levels are being chosen? I think it's important at age 10 to be blanket supportive of all dreams but trickier when they're getting older, but where does the line get drawn...

I mean, what do you say when a 17 year old who has dropped out of college tells you that instead of studying or getting a job, their dream is to go to Canada and set up as a tattoo artist when they have never been to Canada and have no connections there or right to work, no money, and no previously manifested interest in or talent for art...and then accuses you of squashing their dreams when you enquire about whether they've looked into visas? Hmm

edam · 04/08/2013 11:57

CircassianLeyla - a journalist. I write features, max. 2,000 words. Not sure I'd manage a whole book!

jamdonut · 04/08/2013 12:11

My daughter (16) wants to be a secondary school music teacher. At a time when music comes waaaaaaay down the list of curriculum subjects schools think important. And also at a time when being a teacher in a school is made so difficult (and a thankless task) by all the Ofsted/Gove proclamations.

But I will support her in it, because she will be bloody good at it!

TheSecondComing · 04/08/2013 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThreeMusketeers · 04/08/2013 12:27

There are way, way too many footballers as it is. Ghastly sport but that is my opinion and I realise, not everyone sadly shares it.

Ask your teen what sort of lifestyle they want, do they want a nice house, nice car, nice holidays, nice food, nice clothes/ nice whatever.

Let your DTeen, add it all up to see what sort of salary one would need to be able to afford it.

Then let your him do a spot of research and find out if his chosen profession is up to scratch.

StrangeGlue · 04/08/2013 12:30

People are mean! He might, or might not, change his mind loads and I think any 8 year old aspiring to uni has his head screwed on!

hackmum · 04/08/2013 12:34

How horrible. Lots of eight year old boys want to be professional footballers. At some point the vast majority will realise they're not good enough and drop the aspiration. But what's the point of quashing it aged eight?

CecilyP · 04/08/2013 12:37

So is the consensus to be supportive but inject a dose of realism around 16ish when A-levels are being chosen? I think it's important at age 10 to be blanket supportive of all dreams but trickier when they're getting older, but where does the line get drawn...

I think most kids get the idea of their capabilities and talents without anyone else having to inject a dose of realism. If you are not one of the best players in your school's first team by the time you are at secondary, you know you are not going to make it as a professional footballer. Perhaps your aspiring tattoo artist should try and get some relevant experience, before trying to set up on his own - let alone doing it in a different country.

PrettyKitty1986 · 04/08/2013 12:43

it's not like he wants to be an astronought, if not then the prime minister

this is the same attitude IMO Hmm

Ds1 went through a stage of wanting to be an astronaught. So I smiled, nodded, we bought some books about space and the universe and I told him it was a very important job that he'd have to work hard in school to get to, which actually made him try harder in school.

TheSecondComing · 04/08/2013 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TolliverGroat · 04/08/2013 12:58

PrettyKitty, I think Angelina was more smiling of the idea of PM as a backup plan in case the astronauting doesn't come off, rather than dissing the idea of being an astronaut (or even PM) itself. Both are careers that children should be encouraged to aspire to if that's where their interests lie, but neither exactly screams "Good fallback option if you don't make the grade at what you really want to do".

PrettyKitty1986 · 04/08/2013 13:00

I'm not sure it's necessary to discuss back up options with little kids. Why is that necessary? (For a young child)

CircassianLeyla · 04/08/2013 13:05

I think back up options are helpful because little children can only see in your face jobs - so for example, they get being an astronaut but all the jobs that go into a space mission they don't so it is good to open those options IMO.